Laughter - Good Medicine

[Shammu]

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
 
 


This is done by the chip monks. 

Thats great Willowbirch!!

[Soldier4Christ]

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
 
 


This is done by the chip monks. 

Now this deserves two smilies. 

[sincereheart]

Oo ... Ooo ... I'm gonna tell a moderator.

Wait a minute I am a moderator.

 

(Sister the support of evolution is a taboo subject. Tearing it apart is not.)

And that was funny.

ROFL! Oh, how I've missed the fellowship here! 
So does that mean I'm not in trouble? 

[Soldier4Christ]

ROFL! Oh, how I've missed the fellowship here! 
So does that mean I'm not in trouble? 

Only if you disappear on us again.   

[Shammu]

ROFL! Oh, how I've missed the fellowship here! 
So does that mean I'm not in trouble? 

For the moment, no. You dissappear, yes you will be in trouble.

[Shammu]

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"

Note; For those who are not fisherman ... there is a type of fish called "steelhead".

Rainbow trout fish are native to Western North America. Migratory rainbow trout are called steelhead, partly because of their silvery background color.  <*( ((><
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Emergency Kit

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires." 
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A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a WinneBago motor  home!"


The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!"

The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!"

By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes."

Again the blonde says, "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

[Shammu]

Red Neck Jokes

You might be a red neck if you........

You use a pig for a garbage disposal.

You can't go to church this year because your Sunday socks are being used as the truck's gas cap.

You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.

You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.

Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.

You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA application for his birthday. Oops, I did this one.

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You might be a redneck if Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

[livingbyfaith]

This isn't a joke but an incident I had where God showed me He had a sense of humor.  After this He might even laugh at some of your corny jokes!!!  Sorry, maybe I don't have a sense of humor???

THE THREE STOOGES!
      
   Are there things in your past that still have you bound in mind and spirit?  God says we become new creatures.  This is true but you are the one who has to release the old man. Jesus gives the power.   Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek, he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.”  Luke 4:18 fulfills that prophesy when Jesus began his ministry here on earth. Luke 21 “This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears.” 

   If you hang on to those bad things in your past, you will barely get off the ground.  If you let the Holy Spirit work on you as you are ready, you will be “like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth his fruits in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he does shall prosper.” (Psalm 1:3)
   
   When I was first saved, a preacher said that when he got saved he quit the sin business.  Oh, boy! Did I feel guilty!  I failed many times.  It was years later when I found out he did not practice what he preached.  This was my first experience with the fact that all “preachers” don’t always preach the truth.  If we had quit the sin business as he said, we wouldn’t have need of many of the scriptures that tell us what to do when we do sin.  Jesus would not’t be needed as our mediator.  How easy that would be.  We would not’t have any battles to fight. We could just drift along pleasantly.

   I’ve come a long way since those days.  I have bruised knees from tripping and falling often.  Jesus came along, dusted me off, took me by the hand and led me along the right path as though nothing ever happened.  He kept a close watch on this little lamb that strayed from the flock many times.  He never withheld his love from me.

   Yesterday I learned a simple truth about God’s love and also His sense of humor from a silly incident.  James 5:16 says: “Confess your faults one to another, pray one for another that you may be healed.”  I did just that  to a friend I trusted.  My big fault is that I am a procrastinator, especially where housework is concerned.  My Dad was a perfectionist and passed that on to me.  I expected more of me than what I was able to perform, knowing I would fail.  Then my Dad could say he was right. 

When I confessed this fault to a friend, my eyes were opened.  I am 75 years old, going on 3.  I don’t have to please any one but myself and God.  If I like to live with things not done, it’s nobody’s concern but my own.  But I lied.  I don’t like it.  I feel so much better when I get an urge to make my home more presentable.  It takes me longer to decide than to actually do the work.
   Are you like I am?  You believe you can’t do anything right so you may throw your hands up and do nothing at all.  Do one day at a time; one thing at a time.  Don’t feel like it’s the end of the world if you don’t get it all done at once.  Remember Mary; she sat at the feet of Jesus to hear what he had to say. (Luke 10:38-42)  Martha complained to Jesus because Mary ’t help her.  He scolded Martha instead of praising her for her domestic abilities.  Mary got the blessing.  We must decide which is most important.  The work will wait.  Do you think Jesus will be upset with you when you face him, if you didn’t get your housework finished?

   How often do we have Jesus as a guest?  He shouldn’t be just a guest but a member of the family at all times.  Mary saw that listening to Jesus was her top priority.  I imagine she did her share of the work at other times.  We have to stop and listen to Jesus, too.  Like “they” say “Woman’s work is never done.”  This is so true.  Housekeeping is a matter of extremes.  Like with me, other things come first.  When I feel like it, I get a lot done---very haphazardly.  The other extreme is the constant cleaning and no time for more important things, like church, family and friends. 

   After washing dishes, I dumped the dish water into the sink.  Later, I went back into the kitchen to get some coffee.  There was a pile of water in front of the sink.  Where did that come from?  The pipes were leaking.  I called Housing Authority for repairs. 

   This is where God’s sense of humor came in.  I was kind of upset because of this hold up but God was teaching me something.  The man checked it out and said there was more than one leak.  He went out and got more tools. He informed me that the faucets were rusted out and he had to replace the old one.  When he was done he jokingly made the remark that the regular maintenance man, Bill, wouldn’t do that for me.

   I was then reminded of a time a couple weeks ago when the regular man and two others were sitting across in the park eating lunch.  When they came on the porch someone called them “The three Musketeers”.  I spoke up and said: “More like the Three Stooges!” Bill said: “I’ll remember that the next time you need your toilet fixed.” He laughed about it.  I told the repairman this story and he began to laugh.  “So, you’re the one who called US the three stooges?  I’m taking the new faucets back.”  He was one of the three!!!   I told him I was glad I didn’t tell him before he did the work.  I laughed about this the rest of the day.  It showed me just how real God is and what a great sense of humor He has. 

   As if that wasn’t enough, the very next week I had to call repair.  The handle of the toilet was broke. Bill had to fix it but he didn’t remind me of calling him a stooge.  God again reminded me to watch my mouth.  My words could backfire!

   Who but God could plan a silly thing like that? He proved to me just how well He knows me.  That He meets me on my own level.  He is a real person.  He doesn’t have to blow any trumpets or put signs in the sky to prove He is God. I don’t need “standing on higher ground experiences” or to be able to carry on high spiritual conversations with Him.

    God talks to me in my language and He has a wonderful sense of humor.  I laughed about it all day and began again the next day.  The joy just bubbled out of me.  Every rime I think of it, I have to laugh again.  It is amazing that I can laugh.  I used to be such a “sour puss” and took myself too seriously.   This “trick” He played on me with the leaking faucet and exposing my remark about the three stooges brought me closer to God than any miracle He had ever worked for me and there were many.

   I know God is right beside me along with His Son, Jesus.  This is the intimacy I have been looking and praying for.  I can sense Him right beside me saying:  “Hi Joan.  What’s new today?  What kind of shenanigans are you going to pull and then call on me when you get in a jam?  That’s O.K. my child.  You have to learn by your mistakes.  I’m not going to criticize nor condemn you.  I love you too much.  You handle that side of it very well but it’s not necessary to do that to yourself.”  Feeling guilty all the time is not going to erase the slate.  Jesus did that with his blood.  Romans 5:8 & 9 “But God commended His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.”  Our own merit will never do it.
   
   I try to be so spiritual but I can’t fly high without landing with a big bump.  We are mere humans and God deals with us like the humans we are.  He throws in unexplained miracles from time to time to show us He is also the Almighty who sees all, knows all and can do all things.    It took a shiny new faucet, a gift from God, to really open my eyes and heart to God and to feel His full presence inside.  His love is flowing in and out all around me.  My “spirituality” has nothing to do with whether I please God or not.  That’s a kind of a Pharisee mentality.  Hey, look at me! See how good I am. I know what’s in the Bible but do I live it?  That is the ultimate question.

   WOW!  What a revelation.  I have just met Jesus in the garden.  I sit at his feet and worship him.
I pray that you all have this same pleasure.

   The big lesson I learned is to be careful what I say.  I may have to eat your words.

God bless you   

[nChrist]

Hello LivingByFaith,

I think that Christians have the best reason to be the happiest people on earth, and that best reason is JESUS.

Maybe we're all a little bit like the Three Stooges from time to time, at least I know that I am. I was just thinking that I would probably laugh if someone threw a pie in my face, and I have wondered about how much fun it would be to be in a good pie fight like they had on the Three Stooges. Ok - I'm simple - at least it would be good, clean fun, and I would probably laugh the hardest while I still had pie all over my face.

Christians don't laugh and have fun in the same way that the world does, and I give thanks that we don't need the dark and evil things of this world to laugh and have fun. Laughter is amazing when you think about it from a medical perspective. There are some very positive chemical changes in a person's body when they laugh, and laughter has been proven to be good medicine. This really is an amazing fact that is part of God's highly complex creation of man. The point here is really simple - it shouldn't take much for Christians to be happy inwardly and outwardly, especially considering that we always have JESUS to be happy about.

Many of the lost have a stereotype about Christians that cause them to think that we are all gloom, doom, unhappy, and never have any fun. They might even think that they have no desire to be like us because of that stereotype. BUT, we all know that isn't true, and it doesn't have to be true for us. We really have all the best reasons to be happy all of the time, and our fellowship is just one of those reasons. We can even have a good time with a Bible study and many other things that the world doesn't understand, but just the joy of JESUS should give us a merry heart. We really do have many reasons why a lost person would want to be a Christian, and JESUS would always be at the top of the list.

Sister, if you feel like throwing a pie at me after reading this, go ahead. It might give both of us a good, clean laugh.   

Love In Christ,
Tom

Psalms 36:7 NASB  How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

[livingbyfaith]

                What are all the gadgets in the middle row?  http://[move][move][shadow=red,left][glow=red,2,300][/glow][/shadow][/move][/move]  don't know what I'll get.





    What kind of pie do you prefer that I throw at you?  The laugh would probably be on me.  I'd miss my target.  Hope no one else is near you when I throw it.

[Shammu]

                What are all the gadgets in the middle row?  http://[move][move][shadow=red,left][glow=red,2,300][/glow][/shadow][/move][/move]  don't know what I'll get.





    What kind of pie do you prefer that I throw at you?  The laugh would probably be on me.  I'd miss my target.  Hope no one else is near you when I throw it.

This is a glow,

This is for a shadow

Is for moving across. 
Flash, I is for a game, flash game. Hope that helps you out.

I would toss a lemon cream pie, at beps. Just make sure you get him good.

[airIam2worship]

Joan, it's so nice to have you as part of our family. You have already been a blessing to me with your angel stories and your sense of humor. I have enjoyed reading your posts and I look forward to getting to know you better. 
Your friend & sister in Christ,
Maria

[nChrist]

Hello LivingByFaith,

  

Make it lemon cream for Dreamweaver, but please throw coconut cream at me.

If you miss, nearly everyone likes one of those flavors. 

Sister, we are very happy to have you with us, and we are enjoying the fellowship.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Romans 3:23-24 NASB  for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus;

[nChrist]

Women Drivers!!

This morning on the Deerfoot, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was half-way over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily, but she scared me so much:

I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned my entire lap, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.

WOW!...........WOMEN DRIVERS!!

(Small Print:  Whip me with wet noodles if this isn't worth at least a 3    rating)

[nChrist]

Pasta Diet:

1 - You walka pasta da bakery.

2 - You walka pasta da candy store.

3 - You walka pasta da ice cream shop.

4 - You walka pasta da table and fridge.

And for those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the conflicting medical studies:

1 - The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2 - The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3 - The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4 - The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5 - The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

(Small Print:  This one is at least a 4    If not, suspend me from the CU tidily winks team)