Laughter - Good Medicine

[HisDaughter]

An archaeologist in New York City found copper wire 10 feet below ground while excavating an early 20th-century site and concluded the city had an advanced telecommunications system a century ago.

Not to be outdone, an archeologist in San Francisco, working on the excavation of an early 19th-century site, dug down 20 feet. He, too, found copper wire and published his conclusions that San Francisco had an advanced telecommunications network two centuries ago.

Bubba, down in Texas, decided he'd go out in his backyard and conduct an excavation of his own.

After shoveling down 30 feet, he found nothing and concluded 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless.

[nChrist]

    Thanks - I needed this laugh! Three cheers for Bubba!

[Shammu]

THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faithworks with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.

He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence . . . . . . . . for a home run!

The Lord's team won!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.

The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:

So Remember My Brothers & Sisters. . . . . . .
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.

Psalm 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

[HisDaughter]

THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faithworks with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.

He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence . . . . . . . . for a home run!

The Lord's team won!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.

The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:

So Remember My Brothers & Sisters. . . . . . .
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.

Psalm 84:11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

That was wonderful!  Thanks Brother Bob!

[nChrist]

Golf Beginner

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.

Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

"Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

The retiree replied, "Oh great !" NOW you tell me!"

[Shammu]

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
 
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He then takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then…”he said with a deep sigh …………

“Let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box honey.”

**************************

An old farmer wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. “What have you got for collateral?” asked the banker, going strictly by the book.

“Don’t know what collateral means.”

“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?”

“Yes, I have a 1979 pickup.”

The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”
 
“Yes, I have a horse.”

“How old is it?”

“I don’t know; it has no teeth.”

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here’s the money to pay loan,” he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”

“Put it in my pocket.”

“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank?” he asked.

“I don’t know what deposit means.”

“Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”

The man leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, “What you got for collateral?”