Laughter - Good Medicine

[nChrist]

The Front Pew

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered, "Let me show you the front pew."

[nChrist]

Ice Capades

A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned.

At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!"

The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades.

She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a Zamboni driver!"

[nChrist]

Vet Bills

While waiting at the veterinarian's office, I overheard two women chatting about their dogs.

"What's your dog's name?" asked the first woman.

"Well, we used to call her Pork Chop," answered the second lady. "But after the vet bills we've had for her, we now call her Fillet Mignon."

[nChrist]

Arguing

The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.

To her credit, Nancy finally said, "Look. I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right."

"Fine." I said.

She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong."

I grinned and replied, "You're right."

[HisDaughter]

A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate
To his beloved widow
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do you know when you're staying
in a Redneck motel?
When you call the front desk and say,
I gotta leak in my sink, and the
clerk replies, 'Go ahead'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age for Rednecks to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol
out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a
Redneck murder:
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There are no dental records
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who invented the toothbrush ?
A Redneck.
(If it had been invented by anyone else,
it would have been
a teeth brush)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A new Redneck law was just recently passed
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear that the Redneck governor's
mansion burned down ?
'Yep. Prit'near took out the whole trailer park.. The library was a total loss too. Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16
and says to the driver, 'Got any I.D. ?' . .
and the driver replies 'Bout wut?'

[airIam2worship]

A Pastor was always saying blond jokes, even though he and his wife were both blond, his wife did not appreciate the "jokes" so she went and dyed her hair brown. One day as she was driving through some farmlands she saw a shepherd caring for his flock. Amazed and very excited, she asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep you have in your fold, may I have one?" The shepherd reluctantly replied, "sure, why not?" Thinking she would never guess. The woman said, "Well my favorite number is 352 so I will guess you have 352 sheep." The shepherd indeed had 352 sheep, but a promise made is a debt owed, so with a heavy heart he told her to choose the one she wanted. After looking at them for a few minutes, she chose one and he handed it to her. Then he said to her, "If I guess your true hair color, may I have my dog back?" 

[Soldier4Christ]

SMILE!

Be sure to have volume on before clicking on the link.

http://www.imtiredonline.com/smile/

[airIam2worship]

PR I can't get to that link, it keeps telling me I need to get a plug in, but I don't know what, where or how. I am still using mozilla and it tells me to click on link to get the plugin, but it won't take me anywhere. Suggestions?

[Soldier4Christ]

It would be helpful to know what plugin it is talking about. It probably is the flash player plugin but I'm not certain.

In fact I am now sure that it is the Adobe Flash Player that is needed for the link that I gave. A normal internet search will find a free download for it that is compatible with Firefox.

[airIam2worship]

I don't know either it won't tell me and it won't let me find it. I think I need to uninstall and reinstall firefox, maybe that will help. 

[Soldier4Christ]

In fact I am now sure that it is the Adobe Flash Player that is needed for the link that I gave. A normal internet search will find a free download for it that is compatible with Firefox.

[airIam2worship]

Thanks PR, I guess maybe that is what I will do too. That sounds right to me. It's been so long since I used this PC that I think it needs a whole lot of new things. I now have to use head sets plugged into the USB port so I can have sound because the cables for my sound got lost during the move.  . I now have to wait til I can afford new cables or just be satisfied with my headset. 

[airIam2worship]

PR I tried to download the plugin for the adobe flash player and I got kicked off line. Now I don't even know if I got it or not. Well I guess I am going to have to learn how to be a PC Tech now     That may take a while ... a long while.

[airIam2worship]

PR I just clicked on that  link you sent me last night and I still don't have the right plugin. So maybe after I get off I will try to check and see what is wrong.  I have no idea how I am going to do that but I guess I will give it my best shot.

[HisDaughter]

This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??" the drill sergeant hollered.

In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, "I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, 'if that sucker thinks I'm going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he's certainly an uncanny judge of character.

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The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.