Laughter - Good Medicine

[nChrist]

Gift Excitement

The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very excited about. Their family asked the pastor over for dinner. The girl wanted so badly to tell the pastor about her new gifts, but her mother insisted she wait until after dinner and not interrupt at meal time.

Not able to contain her excitement, and not wanting to disobey, the little girl leaned over to the pastor during dinner and whispered, "If you hear a little noise and smell something, it's me!"
______________________________

[nChrist]

Waist Deep

While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow."

The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!"
______________________________

[nChrist]

Parting Words

A pastor was leaving his area and was saying farewell to his congregation at the Church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said "Your successor won't be as good as you."

"Nonsense", said the pastor, in a flattered tone.

"No, really", said the old lady, "I've been here under five different ministers and each new one has been worse than the last."

[HisDaughter]

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill,in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands

[nChrist]

      THANKS! - I needed those laughs.

GrammyLuv,

By the way, your jokes were much better than mine. I'll work on it.   

GROANERS-R-US.COM

(Small Print:  NO, the above is NOT a real Internet address. At least I don't think so.)   

[HisDaughter]

Let's see how well you know your Wild West history from my part of the country. I have a secret weapon:  I'm a big fan of Lily Langtree and have one of the few autographed pictures of her. Besides, everyone in this part of the country is kin to the judge.

(Small Print:  Did she buy it?)

Ah, you must mean the Jersey Lily whom Judge Roy Bean was eternally enamoured of.  Also thought to be the aunt of Prince Phillip who married Queen Elizabeth II, however through illegitimate and immoral means!  However as far as everyone in the south being related to the Judge.......
Well I did stay for about a year in Beaumont, MS where almost everyone's last name was Bolton!

[HisDaughter]

Never upset a redneck, with a backhoe...........................

[nChrist]

Reasons Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen

* They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down or run out of gas.

* Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.

* It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.

* It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.

* The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.

* They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.

* The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.

* Top speed is only about 45 mph.

* Who wants a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, taillights and a windshield.

* It's hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.

[HisDaughter]

Reasons Why Farm Trucks Are Never Stolen

* They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down or run out of gas.

* Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.

* It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.

* It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.

* The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.

* They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.

* The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.

* Top speed is only about 45 mph.

* Who wants a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, taillights and a windshield.

* It's hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.

Yes, I've seen trucks like those and lived in towns where everyone knows ya too!

[HisDaughter]

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth!Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied " I didn't recognize you".

[HisDaughter]

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.
     
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.  'Pastor, what is this?”

The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. 

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'

[Soldier4Christ]

* Who wants a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, taillights and a windshield.

That sounds like me. I don't own a truck, just me.

 

[HisDaughter]

That sounds like me. I don't own a truck, just me.

 

[nChrist]

   Consider this one snagged. This is one of the best Mutley Laughing I've seen. It's much better than this one:

I remember having an old truck in my early marriage that I had to carry a case of oil everywhere we went, and that was in town. It was primer gray and probably had 200,000 miles on it. It would be worth quite a bit if I still had it, but we just couldn't afford to drive it. I'm wanting to say it was a 59 dodge work truck with an enclosed rear. It was like a Sherman tank and had a compound transmission in it. I used it several times for pulling tree stumps.   

[Soldier4Christ]

I had to snag that one, too.