Laughter - Good Medicine

[nChrist]

    

I might be allergic to both kinds of Yaks.

[Shammu]

The Frog and Golf

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.'

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.' He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, 'Ribbit Lucky frog.' The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. 'What do you think frog?' the man asks. 'Ribbit 3 wood.'

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, 'OK where to next?'

The frog replies, 'Ribbit Las Vegas


' They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now what?' The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette..' Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, 'What do you think I should bet?' The frog replies, 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'

The frog replies,

'Ribbit KissMe.'

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 18-year-old girl. 'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me your honor, or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

[Shammu]

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Cole to come over. Cole clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?' He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error?

What's that in case I need to fix it again?'

Cole grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down . I D 1 0 T

I used to like Cole.

I know, GROAN!!...................

[nChrist]

      I got it!  GOOD GROANER!

[Soldier4Christ]

People always have a way of getting their meanings changed. following is an aid to better understand the meanings of these words today.



Bureaucrat                One who designs hoops for others to jump through

California                    c.f. Schizophrenia) State of Insanity involving divorce from reality
                                 (Not all Californians subject to illness)

Carbon                Once the basis of life on earth. Now Original Sin.

Carbon dioxide          The third most deadly substance in human history

Climate change          HIWTYL (q.v.) version of Global Warming

Computer model        Automated fantasy

Democracy                Oppression of  the majority by the largest minority

Earth summit              The high point to which hot air rises

Economist                  One with a ready explanation as to why his last prediction was so wrong

Education                   Indoctrination

Environment               A conceptual basis for taxation and coercion

Environmentalism        Institutionalised misanthropy

Food                          Matter that is deadly except in the most unpalatable forms

Global Warming          Grim fairy tale for grown-ups

Gore                           A bloody mess associated with horror stories

Green                         Originally just naïve, now one with nostalgia for the Stone Age

HIWTYL                      Heads I win, tails you lose

Kyoto                         A form of ritual economic suicide, originating from Japan

Law                            The chief means by which the rich and powerful oppress the poor and
                                  powerless

Lawyer                       A sorcerer who can conjure money out of nothing

Socialist                      One who knows what’s best for everyone else

[nChrist]

People always have a way of getting their meanings changed. following is an aid to better understand the meanings of these words today.



Bureaucrat                One who designs hoops for others to jump through

California                    c.f. Schizophrenia) State of Insanity involving divorce from reality
                                 (Not all Californians subject to illness)

Carbon                Once the basis of life on earth. Now Original Sin.

Carbon dioxide          The third most deadly substance in human history

Climate change          HIWTYL (q.v.) version of Global Warming

Computer model        Automated fantasy

Democracy                Oppression of  the majority by the largest minority

Earth summit              The high point to which hot air rises

Economist                  One with a ready explanation as to why his last prediction was so wrong

Education                   Indoctrination

Environment               A conceptual basis for taxation and coercion

Environmentalism        Institutionalised misanthropy

Food                          Matter that is deadly except in the most unpalatable forms

Global Warming          Grim fairy tale for grown-ups

Gore                           A bloody mess associated with horror stories

Green                         Originally just naïve, now one with nostalgia for the Stone Age

HIWTYL                      Heads I win, tails you lose

Kyoto                         A form of ritual economic suicide, originating from Japan

Law                            The chief means by which the rich and powerful oppress the poor and
                                  powerless

Lawyer                       A sorcerer who can conjure money out of nothing

Socialist                      One who knows what’s best for everyone else

    These all appear to be the sad TRUTH. Which one is the joke?

(Small Print:    )

[Soldier4Christ]

Oops I forgot to list that one.   

[Shammu]

Oops I forgot to list that one.   

[nChrist]

How To Photograph A New Puppy

1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

13. Put magazines back on coffee table.

14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

17. Clean up mess.

18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

[HisDaughter]

Oops I forgot to list that one.  

  Great Pic!!

[HisDaughter]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world.? Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves

"What did I tell you?" said the barber.? "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.? "Hey, son!? May I ask you a question?? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied,?

"Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!

[HisDaughter]

A Mother's Dictionary



Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

[HisDaughter]

Things Mom Would Never Say



"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"


"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"


"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"


"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"


"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"


"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."


"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."


"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"


"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

[HisDaughter]

This is very clever!

Just click on the link below, click on play, then
leave the mouse alone, sit back and enjoy a
piece of creative brilliance.

http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf

[Soldier4Christ]

That was not just cute it was funny. The victim was no longer the victim.