Laughter - Good Medicine

[Soldier4Christ]

Now that looks like a good place for a family reunion. I wonder ....

[HisDaughter]

Another Blonde Joke....

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
      sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who
      was also a blonde.

     The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

       She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

      "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

       The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

       The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it
        and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is,"she said.

       The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back
       saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."       

[nChrist]

Another Blonde Joke....

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
      sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who
      was also a blonde.

     The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

       She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

      "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

       The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

       The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it
        and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is,"she said.

       The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back
       saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."       

    

I've heard this one told several different ways, and I still laugh. However, blonde female Police Officers don't appreciate it for some reason. 

[HisDaughter]

  

I've heard this one told several different ways, and I still laugh. However, blonde female Police Officers don't appreciate it for some reason. 

I thought of you inparticular when I posted this one since you were a cop and all! 

[nChrist]

Argument Settled

The other day, Avril and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.

To her credit, Avril finally said, "Look. I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right."

"Fine." I said.

She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong."

I grinned and replied, "You're right."

[nChrist]

Brick Order

A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks.

"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.

"It's going to be a barbecue."

"Wow, that's a lot of bricks for one barbecue,"

"Not really; I live on the 12th floor."
__________________________________
   I think this is hilarious, and I want a 12 story barbecue.

[Shammu]

[Shammu]

[Shammu]

And the biggest IMPOSTOR of all..........

[nChrist]

           ROFL!

I didn't know that I was going to take a test this morning. I'm only sure about getting one question RIGHT - THE LAST ONE!

SO, I'll study tonight and take the test over.   

[nChrist]

Resume Examples

These are real examples from real resumes:


Reasons For Leaving Last Job

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.


Job Responsibilities

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.


Special Requests and Job Objectives

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.


Physical Disabilities

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.


Personal Interests

- Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.


Small Typos That Can Change the Meaning

- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

    

[HisDaughter]

Resume Examples


Physical Disabilities

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

[nChrist]

   Thanks Grammyluv! - Another great graphic snagged!

By the way, I've only been to Mongolia once, and I was ONLY allergic to Yaks!

[HisDaughter]

  Thanks Grammyluv! - Another great graphic snagged!

By the way, I've only been to Mongolia once, and I was ONLY allergic to Yaks!

Oh?  Which kind?

[HisDaughter]

     There is an old legend about a rich merchant in Baghdad who sent his servant to the market.  While he was at the marketplace, he was jostled by someone in the crowd.  When he turned around he saw a woman in a long black cloak and knew it was Death.  The servant ran home to his master and in a trembling voice told him about the encounter and how Death had looked at him and made a threatening gesture.
     The servant begged his master to loan him a horse so he could ride to Samarra and hide so Death wouldn't find him.  The master agreed and the servant galloped away.
     Later the merchant went down to the marketplace and saw Death standing nearby.  The merchant asked, "Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant and frighten him?" 
     "That was not a threatening gesture" Death replied.  "It was just that I was startled to see him in Baghdad because I have an appointment with him tonight in Samarra!"