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« Reply #1665 on: March 29, 2008, 09:56:22 PM » |
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How To Recognize a Persian Cat..............  Oh my gosh! I just used this pic on another post! What a coinwinky dinky! |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1666 on: March 29, 2008, 09:58:41 PM » |
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Sugar Worry
A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
The blond called up the airline and asked, "How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?" The agent answered, "just a minute." At which, the blond thanked him and hung up. |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1667 on: March 29, 2008, 10:05:14 PM » |
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A priest, a rabbi and a minister were all in a boat out in the middle of a lake. The Minister says, "I am thirsty. I will go to shore and get something to drink."
So he gets out of the boat walks across the water to shore, gets a soda, walks back across the water, and gets back in the boat.
The minister says, "I am thirsty also. I will go to shore and get something to drink."
So he gets out of the boat walks across the water to shore, gets a soda, walks back across the water, and gets back in the boat.
The rabbi thinks to himself "pretty cool. I will try it." So he says, "I am thirsty also. I will go to shore and get something to drink."
He gets out of the boat and falls in the water and drowns.
Then the priest said to the minister, "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were?"
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nChrist
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« Reply #1668 on: March 29, 2008, 10:18:16 PM » |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1669 on: March 29, 2008, 10:22:19 PM » |
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A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping"
At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
A funeral service is being held in a chuch for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the women is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out. As they are walking, the husband calls out, "Watch out for the wall!"
It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.
"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and he shows up."
Two boys were walking home from church after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad"
One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"
"I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "pantyhose!"
An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper's cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost. When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.
The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workman say to the other, "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."
Several children found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they secured a small box and some cotton batting, dug a hole in the back yard, and made ready to dispose of the deceased. The minister's 5-year-old son was chosen to say the prayer. And so with great dignity, he intoned, "Glory be to the Father...and unto the Son...and into the hole he goes."
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1670 on: March 29, 2008, 10:26:27 PM » |
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Oh my gosh Brother Tom! I laughed totally out loud right here at my desk! Too funny! |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1671 on: March 29, 2008, 10:27:32 PM » |
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Actually, I'm going to have to kidnap this one! hahahaha! |
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nChrist
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« Reply #1672 on: March 29, 2008, 10:41:57 PM » |
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Actually, I'm going to have to kidnap this one! hahahaha!
 I've been kidnapped before! |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1673 on: March 29, 2008, 11:13:19 PM » |
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I've been kidnapped before! You're killing me! |
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nChrist
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« Reply #1674 on: March 29, 2008, 11:24:04 PM » |
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You're killing me!
This thread is far too intellectual for my tastes. We're going to have to lighten things up a little. |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1675 on: March 29, 2008, 11:27:47 PM » |
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I've been kidnapped before! Are you sure it wasn't like this: ?  |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1676 on: March 29, 2008, 11:28:47 PM » |
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This thread is far too intellectual for my tastes. We're going to have to lighten things up a little. Boy, you are really "on" tonight. The women are wondering what I'm laughing so hard about up here at the desk! |
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HisDaughter
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« Reply #1677 on: March 29, 2008, 11:33:31 PM » |
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Ah! Fox Hunting is it?  |
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Shammu
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« Reply #1679 on: March 30, 2008, 12:39:57 AM » |
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