Laughter - Good Medicine

[Shammu]

"During an interview, Vice President Dick Cheney's wife said that Vice President Cheney and Barack Obama are actually distant cousins. When Dick Cheney found out, he said, 'I knew there was something creepy about that guy.'" --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~

"In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. Or, as Democrats call it, Barack Obama." --Bill Maher
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"Did you see this today about Barack Obama? Genealogy research has revealed that Obama's great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Oh great, now he won't be Irish enough for people." --Bill Maher
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"According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama's great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama's support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii." --Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~

"Did you hear the latest about Barack Obama? He comes from a family of slave owners. He's black, but he's half white. Apparently, on his mother's side, which is the white side, they owned slaves. The Barack Obama camp is going to deny it, but his approval ratings in the South shot up 27 points." --Bill Maher
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"Presidential candidate Barack Obama was endorsed by former Senator Tom Daschle of South Dakota. Daschle is the first major Democrat to endorse Obama, and the first person in South Dakota to see a black man." --Conan O'Brien

[Shammu]

"Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. 'Let's go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.'" --Jay Leno
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"I hope it is Barack Obama. ... Him running against either the mannequin or Grandpa Munster. Hillary Clinton is great. I just think it's time America heard the words, 'And now for something completely different.'" --Bill Maher
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"You see Barack Obama at that rally surrounded by all those Kennedys? Man, I couldn't tell if he was running for president or bartender." --Jay Leno
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"Some sad news today for Barack Obama. Did you hear about this? Apparently, he's been endorsed by former candidate, John Kerry. Just when things are going so well." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~

"Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday, he accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It's a fairy tale in which a horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens, and then a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him. So, you can see why he's very upset." --Jimmy Kimmel
~~~~~~

"Well, congratulations to Barack Obama, the big winner of the Democratic caucus. Stunning victory. He got 57% of the youth vote, 35% of the female vote, and 100% of Iowa's black vote, a guy named Larry." --Jay Leno

[nChrist]

    

YEAH! - New Political Humor!

UM? - But all politicians are FUNNY these days in a VERY ODD WAY! UM? - Is funny the right term?

Let's put it this way:  comedians are going to have a field day with our current crop of politicians!   

[nChrist]

Get Moving

While driving with my granddaughter, I was getting annoyed with the driver ahead of me and I said, "Come on Sam, get moving."

The next week we were on the same road again with another slow driver ahead. Again I said, "Come on Sam, get moving."

My granddaughter quickly replied, "That's not Sam. Sam has a blue car."

(Small Print:  Okay - a Groaner.)

[nChrist]

Four Little Words

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life.

Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, he's sweet, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"

"He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.

Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."

(Small Print:  YES - Another Groaner.)

[nChrist]

Dangling Participles

Dangling Participle Alert!

~ The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

~ The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

~ Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

~ The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

~ We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

~ Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

[Soldier4Christ]

lol ... My participles are always dangling age makes things droop.

[nChrist]

lol ... My participles are always dangling age makes things droop.

    ROFL!

Mine fell off!

[HisDaughter]

So here's an odd thing.  I was just searching for some political jokes and specifically to spoof Obama.  Guess what.  Can't find any current ones.  There are Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, McCain jokes, but no Obama jokes.  Whats that all about?  Has he become sacred?  Holy?  Untouchable?  Hands off?  What's up with that?

Grammyluv.

Thanks guys for finding all the jokes!  I wish I'd gotten back here sooner!  Love the cave man one!  And alot of the others too though!

[HisDaughter]

Here's my own and a true story!

At Christmas time one year when my youngest daughter was in 1st or 2nd grade, she came home from school and announced that she didn't believe in Santa Claus any more.  She said she absolutely KNEW there was no Santa Claus and to not even go there.  After a bit more discussion, she had me convinced so I said, "Yeah, it's kinda like the Easter Bunny..."
"WHAT??  THERE'S NO EASTER BUNNY?!?!?"

Boy, did I blow it!

[HisDaughter]

A psychiatrist gets a frantic call.  "You've got to help me, Doctor," a woman says.  "My husband thinks he's a big opera star.  He sings every night at the top of his lungs!  Aida! Rigoletto! Traviata!"
"Send him to me," the shrink says.  "I'll see what I can do."
A week later, the woman calls again.  "Doc, I don't know how you did it!  He's not singing nearly as much.  Did you cure his delusion?"
"No," says the psychiatrist.  "I just gave him a smaller part."


An elderly couple with memory problems are advised by their doctor to write notes to help them remember things.
One evening, while watching TV, the wife asks her husband to het her a bowl of icecream.  "Sure," he says.
"Write it down", she suggests.
"No," he says.  "I can remember a simple thing like that."
"I also want strawberries and whipped cream," she says.  "Write it down."
"I don't need to write it down," he insists, heading to the kitchen.
Twenty minutes later, he returns, bearing a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs.
"I told you to write it down!" his wife says.  "I wanted fried eggs!"

Ques:  How come Sherlock Holmes never paid any taxes?
Ans:  Brilliant deductions.

from Reader's Digest

[nChrist]

    

THANKS! - I needed these laughs this morning. Laughter is GOOD MEDICINE!

[nChrist]

Silent Descent

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that."

"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."

[nChrist]

Sugar Worry

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

[Shammu]

How To Recognize a Persian Cat..............