Laughter - Good Medicine

[Shammu]

Collection of Tongue Twisters

If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"

We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether welike it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw. Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
_____________________________________________________

More Oxymorons

Act naturally
Advanced BASIC
Airline Food
Almost exactly
Alone together
Business ethics
Childproof
Clearly misunderstood
Cold Hot Dogs
Computer jock
Computer security
Definite maybe
Diet ice cream
Exact estimate
Extinct Life
Found missing
Genuine imitation
Good grief
Government organization
Jumbo Shrimp
Living dead
Military Intelligence
New York culture
New classic
Now, then ...
Passive aggression
Peace force
Plastic glasses
Political science
Pretty ugly
Resident alien
Same difference
Sanitary landfill
Silent scream
Small crowd
Soft rock
Software documentation
Sweet sorrow
Synthetic natural gas
Taped live
Terribly pleased
Tight slacks
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Working vacation

[John 3:16]

LOL   that was Funny DW

[airIam2worship]

53 Ways to Be Annoying

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 green bottles song.

Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.

Leave your indicator (turn signal) on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "good one".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Glade Air Freshener.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket." Hmmm Geoff Boycott?

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in an annoying John Motson or Jimmy Hill voice.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

Hi DW, I can think of a few more:
Interrupt people when they are in a middle of saying something
Wave your hands in front of them when they are on the phone
Whine about everything

[airIam2worship]

A few more:
Sing "Let it Snow in July"
Pretend your a robot and speak like one
Pretend you are an answering machine when someone calls you.
Call people when you are certain they are having dinner and ask what they are doing
Call them after their bedtime and ask what they are doing
Call them at work and ask what they are doing
Follow someone around and walk the way they do, do everything they do, and repeat everything they say

[TalkerCat]

I've posted jokes!  I started the "Doh" thread with a joke and I also posted one (somewhere?) about a Tribute .... so there!  

How can I get a copy of the "10 Rules For Dating My Daughter"?  My brother has a 15 year old  and I think he'd get a kick out of it  .  .  .

  Blessings -

[airIam2worship]

Terri, go back to the post, then go to start and save it in Rich text or in Microsoft Word.  That's how I save them. There migh be an easier way, but that works well for me.  

[Shammu]

I've posted jokes!  I started the "Doh" thread with a joke and I also posted one (somewhere?) about a Tribute .... so there!  

How can I get a copy of the "10 Rules For Dating My Daughter"?  My brother has a 15 year old  and I think he'd get a kick out of it  .  .  .

  Blessings -

Highlight the post you want, by holding the left mouse button down.
Drag it across the area you want, holding the button down.
Click the right mouse button. click on copy.
Paste into your word processer.

DOH!
It just crossed my mind, you may not know how to paste. so on that note.....

In your word processer, click on edit.
Scroll down to paste.

What you have copied , will be pasted into your word processer.

[nChrist]

       

I used to paste jokes that I really liked on my computer, but it didn't take long before I couldn't see my computer screen.

GROAN...........................

[airIam2worship]

     

I used to paste jokes that I really liked on my computer, but it didn't take long before I couldn't see my computer screen.

GROAN...........................

LOL DW, you are a natural comedian you make me laugh so much.  

[Soldier4Christ]

[Soldier4Christ]

And for a real oxymoron:

[airIam2worship]

LOL PR, what a moron indeed.

[Shammu]

Hello DW it's how are you feeling. I hope you are doing better.
Tell me where do you find all your jokes, I think some of them are hilarious.

Sister Maria,

I find them on the net, and some are e-mailed to me.

[Shammu]

Deer Hunting Story

Somewhere near Rochester, New York, Ted set out to bag his buck at 5:30 a.m. By 11:30 a.m., he was exhausted and hungry....and still no buck. At 12 noon, the mighty exhausted hunter Ted guards the remains of his lunch while a passerby snaps a quiet photo while trying not to startle the deer with a belly laugh.

Personally, I think a better caption for it would be....

"Gun, Check.
Lunch, Check.
Friend with a Camera, Check.

Being pictured with a deer eating my lunch while I am asleep, Priceless."

[Soldier4Christ]

Now that is priceless.