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Shammu
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« Reply #345 on: June 04, 2004, 12:32:23 AM » |
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GROAN!! To boa or not to boa, that is the question.  What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister? "Don't be such a rattle-tail!" What's a picnic? A snack in the grass. What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach? A pythong. What is a snake's favorite subject? Hissssstory! Just for you Shylynne, What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier? Hair coilers! |
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Shammu
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« Reply #346 on: June 04, 2004, 12:34:32 AM » |
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What kind of snake is completely different?
A Monty Python.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snakeskin.
Snakeskin who?
Snakeskin bite, but we'd rather run away.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow!
What did the snake say to Sylvester the Cat?
Nothing. He was ssssspeechlesssss!
What do you call a snake without any clothes on?
Snaked!
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Shammu
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« Reply #347 on: June 04, 2004, 12:36:03 AM » |
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Why is a snake so smart? Because you can't pull its leg! Why is a snake so careless? Because it keeps losing its skin! Hey Frank, are we venomous? Why do you want to know? 'Cause I just bit my tongue! What does a snake radio DJ say? "Snake, rattle and roll!" What does a well-dressed snake wear? A boa tie! What kind of snake keep its car the cleanest? A windshield viper! |
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Shammu
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« Reply #348 on: June 04, 2004, 12:40:56 AM » |
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What is a snake's favorite footwear? Snakers, of course! How do snakes show they love you? They give you hugs and hisses! What happens when a snake gets mad? It throws a hisssssy-fit! What is the most popular snake dialect? Boomslang! What kind of snake can do math in the dark? A night adder! What kind of snake did Roger the shrubber (from Monty Python and the Holy Grail) use to help him round up some shrubbery? A bushmaster! |
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Shammu
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« Reply #349 on: June 04, 2004, 12:42:49 AM » |
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What kind of snakes get to hug the bride at a wedding?
Garter snakes!
What do snakes do at the end of a date?
They give each other a goodnight hiss!
What kind of snake can cut a rug with the best of them?
A carpet python!
Who married the kingsnake?
Well, the queensnake of course!
What prize was given for first place?
A blue ribbon snake!
What snake is a member of the band?
The RATTLEsnake!
How can you revive a snake that looks dead?
With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation!
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Shammu
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« Reply #350 on: June 04, 2004, 12:44:16 AM » |
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How did the snakes bust out of jail?
They scaled the wall!
What kind of slippers do snakes wear?
Water moccasins!
What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Rep-tiles!
How do you measure a snake?
In inches. They don't have any feet!
If you crossed a snake with a robin, what kind of bird would you get?
A swallow!
What did the cobra say to the flute player?
"Charmed to meet you!"
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Shammu
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« Reply #351 on: June 04, 2004, 12:45:39 AM » |
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What would you get if you crossed a newborn snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa!
What do snakes take for an upset stomach?
Repto-Bismol.
Why couldn't the female snake have any babies?
Because she'd had a hiss-terectomy!
What should a ghost yell if it wants to scare a snake?
"BOA!"
Why do snakes go to free clinics?
They like the sliding scales!
Why can't snakes eat soup?
No spoon! They only have a forked tongue!
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Shammu
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« Reply #352 on: June 04, 2004, 12:47:44 AM » |
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Why was the water moccasin suspended from the swim team?
He was failing Hisss-tory.
Why did the snake laugh so hard she started to cry?
She thought the joke was hisss-terical
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssssside.
Why didn't the snakes leave Noah's Ark and multiply like all the other animals?
They couldn't multiply. They were adders!
Why did the wife snake leave her husband at the party?
She thought he was making an asp out of himself!
What kind of snake helps clean the dishes?
A dish-viper!
How do snakes cook pasta?
Heat until the water coils or comes to a slither!
(Boils or comes to a simmer.)
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Shammu
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« Reply #353 on: June 04, 2004, 12:49:12 AM » |
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What do you get if you cross a snake with a builder? A Boa Constructor! Why do snakes squeeze their food? Because they have no arms to hug it!!! What is a snake's favorite song? "Fangs For The Memories" What is a snake's favorite dance? The 'Mamba'! Where do snakes go to have fun? The boa-ling alley! What clothing might sister snakes share? Co-bras! And thats my last Groaner tonight. |
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Reba
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« Reply #354 on: June 04, 2004, 01:03:41 AM » |
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Shammu
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« Reply #356 on: June 05, 2004, 01:37:59 PM » |
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Help us out here Sister Reba. I'm thinking about telling some Captain Kangaroo stories. UM??, now the younguns are wondering who Captain Kangaroo is. Well, he's a friend of Mr. Greenjeans.  ROFL!!!! Let me hear some about the Captian, blackeyedpeas. Yes I do remember the Capt. and Mr. Greenjeans. I guess I'm an old fart. |
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nChrist
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« Reply #357 on: June 06, 2004, 07:19:24 PM » |
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Oklahoma Howdy to Dreamweaver, I'll work on a Captain Kangaroo story. I'm out of groaners at the moment. Love In Christ, Tom |
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Shammu
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« Reply #358 on: June 07, 2004, 01:24:16 AM » |
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Oklahoma Howdy to Dreamweaver, I'll work on a Captain Kangaroo story. I'm out of groaners at the moment. Love In Christ, Tom Sorry for not posting last night. I heard of former Pres. Reagans death, and just turned off the computer. I look forwards to Captain Kangaroooooos story. |
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Shylynne
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« Reply #359 on: June 07, 2004, 05:06:56 PM » |
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“Christianity isn't all that complicated … it's Jesus.” — Joni Eareckson Tada There is no force on earth as powerful as one human soul set ablaze with the Spirit of God - Shylynne |
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