Laughter - Good Medicine

[Shammu]

What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
Milk of Amnesia

Have you ever heard the term "When Pigs Fly!"......
Well what if it were "When Cows Fly!"

Where do cows go when they want a night out?
To the moo-vies!

What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
Bull-dozin'

[Shammu]

Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.




What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
"It's just an udder day"

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a Cowlculator

Why don't cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry

Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows

What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
Beef-flat

What do cows wear in Hawaii?
Moo- moos

[Shammu]

What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
Decalfenated

Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn't work


Gotta have some dumb blonde jokes today

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

The blonde gets very angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and points to her head. The boyfriend yells, "NO, honey, don't do it!"

The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next."

[Shammu]

A blonde and her husband were driving down a Vermont country road when they past a sign that read "BLIND DRIVEWAY AHEAD".

The blonde then told her husband, "honey, isn't that wonderful that the government provides signs to let you know where someone blind lives!"

[Shammu]

The Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist touring the clubs is doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, the goes through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 2nd row stands on her chair and shouts: "I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes but women in general .. and all in the name of humor".

Quite taken aback, the embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize but the blonde yells again, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little dummy on your knee!!!"  

[Shammu]

The Smartest Blonde In The World

There was the President, a boy scout, a pilot, and the smartest blonde in the World on an airplane. Suddenly the plane started to dive and was about to crash when they realized there were only three parachutes on board.

The President immediately stated, "I must live to rule this country!" as he grabbed a parachute and jumped from the plane.

The smartest blonde in the World said, "I am a rare and beautiful creature so I must also live," and she grabbed a parachute and jumped behind the President.

The Pilot looked at the boy scout and said, "I must go so that the President has his pilot, will you be okay?"

The boy scout replied, "sure, the smartest blonde in the world just jumped with my bookbag!"

[Shammu]

There were three blondes and they went to the top of a twelve story building. The first blonde jumps off and she dies from the fall. The second blonde does the same and she dies. The third blonde jumps off but somehow she lives. When the police arrive, an officer asks "what were you women thinking?", the blonde replies "we were trying our new maxi-pads with wings."

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes on her shoulders and ask her a question.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swiming pool.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Put her in a round room and ask her to find the corner.

[Shammu]

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to get the chair, one to get the light bulb, one to screw it in.

Two blonds were driving to DisneyLand when they came upon a sign that read "Disneyland Left" ... so they turned around and went back home.

Q: A blond and brunet jump out of an airplane, who hit the ground first?
A: The brunet. The blond had to stop for directions.

Q: Why did the dumb blond drive around the block 47 times?
A: Because her blinker was stuck.

[Shammu]

You know you're addicted to the internet when...

1. you laugh at people with 9600 baud modems.

2. tech support calls YOU for help.

3. you name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.

4. you refuse to contact friends and relatives that do not have modems.

[Shylynne]

speaking of painful....these jokes....

Heres one for you Shylynne

Two cows were out in a field eating grass. One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!" "Hey", the other cow replies.... "I was just about to say the same thing!"  

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? .... A MILK DUD!

My cow refuses to give milk, and you know why, of course.
She's been grazing in the field too long,...

And now she thinks she's a horse.

What are the spots on black and white cows?
Holstains

still painful...

but...

And now she thinks she's a horse. ROFL


maybe I should stay off the floor eh  

[Shylynne]

you name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom


I think I heard my hubby call me one of those names the other day  


 

[nChrist]

speaking of painful....these jokes....

Oklahoma Howdy to Shylynne,

   Help us out with some good ones. How about?
____________________


The Irishman & The Cop

A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severely bleeding.

The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?"

The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."

[nChrist]

Shylynne,

Surely this one isn't a groaner, or is it?  
_________________________

Two At the Canal:

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."

"Oh yes dear, what happened?"

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and set the other off."

[nChrist]

(Old - but funny??)

The Accident:

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop.

One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment.

The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

[nChrist]

Body In The Ice Cream Van:

A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road. He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles.

A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies: "It looks like he's topped himself."

Get it?