Laughter - Good Medicine

[HisDaughter]

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

[Shammu]

Man talking to God


Man "God, what is a thousand years to you?"

GOD " One day."

Man "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

GOD "One dollar."

Man "God, can I have a dollar?"

God "Tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are a few of the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it, like, really ruins your afternoon.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

I removed a few that didn't seem appropriate here.

[Shammu]

Wise Parables From Children

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Their insight may surprise you...

Better to be safe than.....Punch a 5th grader.

Strike While the.....Bug is close.

It's always darkest before.....Daylight Savings time.

Never underestimate the power of.....Termites.

You can lead a horse to water but.....how?

Don't bite the hand that.....looks dirty.

No news is.....impossible.

A miss is as good as a .....Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new.....math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll.....stink in the morning.

Love all, trust.....me.

The pen is mightier than the .....pigs.

An idle mind is.....The best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.....Pollution.

Happy the bride who.....gets all the presents.

A penny saved is.....not much.

Two's company, three's.....the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what.....you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as.....Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed.....get new batteries.

You get out of something what you.....see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind.....get out of the way.

[HisDaughter]

Wise Parables From Children

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. Their insight may surprise you...

Better to be safe than.....Punch a 5th grader.

Strike While the.....Bug is close.

It's always darkest before.....Daylight Savings time.

Never underestimate the power of.....Termites.

You can lead a horse to water but.....how?

Don't bite the hand that.....looks dirty.

No news is.....impossible.

A miss is as good as a .....Mr.

You can't teach an old dog new.....math.

If you lie down with dogs, you'll.....stink in the morning.

Love all, trust.....me.

The pen is mightier than the .....pigs.

An idle mind is.....The best way to relax.

Where there's smoke there's.....Pollution.

Happy the bride who.....gets all the presents.

A penny saved is.....not much.

Two's company, three's.....the Musketeers.

Don't put off till tomorrow what.....you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as.....Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed.....get new batteries.

You get out of something what you.....see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind.....get out of the way.

Oh my gosh!  These are fabulous!

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are a few of the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it, like, really ruins your afternoon.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

These are all great too but I have to go with number 5 as being my all time favorite!  The Bozone!  That's a classic!  My oldest daughter, my son, and I all share the same sarcastic sense of humor.  I'm sure we'll be using that one!

[Soldier4Christ]

That Bozone layer must be pretty heavy in the House of Reps and seeped over to some in the Senate also.

[HisDaughter]

That Bozone layer must be pretty heavy in the House of Reps and seeped over to some in the Senate also.

No doubt about it! 

[HisDaughter]

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and space shuttles, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made to borrow the gun. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified, Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and asked the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just one sentence: "Thaw the chicken."

[Shammu]

Three churches suffered problems with bats in the belfry. So the ministers decided to do something about it.

The first minister called in the exterminator. The exterminator was so restricted in what he could do, the bats were protected, he wasn't allowed to use noxious chemicals, and so on. So the bats multiplied.

The second minister refused to harm God's creatures, so he put up a big nesting box and waited until they were all inside. Then he drove across country with the box and left it in the woods. Six weeks later the bats were back.

The third minister welcomed the bats into membership of the church. The bats were only seen again at Christmas and Easter.

[Shammu]

country living, here is one such account!!

[Shammu]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee or any other virus protection cannot take care of this one.

It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.

Here are the symptoms..................

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
done that!!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
Done that too!!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
Yup!! He had no idea what I was saying!!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Who me??

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well dang it! Done that several times.

6. Causes you to hit 'SEND' before you've finished.
Oh no - not again!!

7. Causes you tohit 'DELETE' instead of 'SEND.'
Oh no! I did that this very day!!

8. Causes you to hit 'SEND' when you should 'DELETE.'
Oh man! I just hate it when I do that!!


IT IS CALLED THE 'C-NILE VIRUS!!

I'm sure the 3 older mod's can add more................

[Soldier4Christ]

country living, here is one such account!!

Another city slicker. 

[Soldier4Christ]

I'm sure the 3 older mod's can add more................

Not me. 

[nChrist]

country living, here is one such account!!

Brother Bob,

If someone doesn't call soon on that cat you found, take the poster down and keep it.  It's a very rare cat that was thought to be extinct. Keep this a secret and expend every resource in finding a mate for it. You'll be famous if you can bring this breed back from extinction. Just don't tell anyone until you're ready, and then call a major PRESS CONFERENCE!

(Small Print:  That breed of cat was never very popular because it's UGLY!)   

[Soldier4Christ]

Brother Bob,

If someone doesn't call soon on that cat you found, take the poster down and keep it.  It's a very rare cat that was thought to be extinct. Keep this a secret and expend every resource in finding a mate for it. You'll be famous if you can bring this breed back from extinction. Just don't tell anyone until you're ready, and then call a major PRESS CONFERENCE!

(Small Print:  That breed of cat was never very popular because it's UGLY!)   

When you're ready to buy a mate for it let me know. I can get all of them that you want at a very special price.

[HisDaughter]

Three churches suffered problems with bats in the belfry. So the ministers decided to do something about it.

The first minister called in the exterminator. The exterminator was so restricted in what he could do, the bats were protected, he wasn't allowed to use noxious chemicals, and so on. So the bats multiplied.

The second minister refused to harm God's creatures, so he put up a big nesting box and waited until they were all inside. Then he drove across country with the box and left it in the woods. Six weeks later the bats were back.

The third minister welcomed the bats into membership of the church. The bats were only seen again at Christmas and Easter.

country living, here is one such account!!

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty....

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee or any other virus protection cannot take care of this one.

It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.

Here are the symptoms..................

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
done that!!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
Done that too!!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
Yup!! He had no idea what I was saying!!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Who me??

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well dang it! Done that several times.

6. Causes you to hit 'SEND' before you've finished.
Oh no - not again!!

7. Causes you tohit 'DELETE' instead of 'SEND.'
Oh no! I did that this very day!!

8. Causes you to hit 'SEND' when you should 'DELETE.'
Oh man! I just hate it when I do that!!


IT IS CALLED THE 'C-NILE VIRUS!!

I'm sure the 3 older mod's can add more................

That explains everything!!