Laughter - Good Medicine

[nChrist]

          THANKS!  -  I needed that laugh!

 

[nChrist]

Late Night Studying

My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," Cal told him.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"

"No," Cal replied, "it's at the wrong address."

[HisDaughter]

Late Night Studying

My husband, Cal, grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong.

"I have to ask you to move your car," Cal told him.

"Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?"

"No," Cal replied, "it's at the wrong address."

    How many dads and moms have wanted to say that!

[HisDaughter]

Ever Wonder?......


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

[HisDaughter]

Ever Wonder?......
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Yep!

[nChrist]

  How many dads and moms have wanted to say that!

GOOD MORNING GRAMMYLUV AND ALL,

I did say things like that before my daughter got married.   

She's been married to a wonderful, Christian man for 10 years now - AND GOD has blessed them with 3 handsome sons. However, my daughter still reminds me of things I said to boys when she was dating. I feel quite sure that I would have fit into the category of old-fashioned dad who was blunt and harsh in protecting his daughter.         She especially likes to remind me about 3 boys who came calling on her after midnight. She wanted to answer the door - ANYONE but me answering the door. BUT, I sent her to her room and answered the door. There were three young men on the front porch, and you might guess what old-fashioned dads might think about something like that. I gave them a brief lesson on basic RESPECT for young ladies and gave them a time limit for leaving intact with all of their body parts.       I thought I was right and still do. Boys need to be taught how to be gentlemen if they want to be around decent young ladies. By the way, those young men left like the roadrunner, and I haven't seen them since.   

[Soldier4Christ]

By the way, those young men left like the roadrunner, and I haven't seen them since.   

I think that I just saw them run past here last night ... again. 

[David_james]

I think you might have saved her there.

I too would be very protective. They should be thankful if I only cut off their hand

[HisDaughter]

Punny Stories

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, put they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. (absolutely brilliant!)

And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did?

[nChrist]

       

Grammyluv,

Sister, I owe you much more that two groaners now, and I will pay up. However, I'll have to look for groaners of sufficient quality to be worthy for payment. Some of the worst groaners are long and the punchlines are nearly pointless. One might even call them intellectual groaners.

[HisDaughter]

Better make that 3 groaners BEP!! 


A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck; from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck." The vet then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

[Soldier4Christ]

OOuugghhhh! That's worth three groaners all by itself.

 

[nChrist]

    

    I don't get it.

 

[HisDaughter]

OOuugghhhh! That's worth three groaners all by itself.

 

  

    I don't get it.

 

[Shammu]

 

GROAN!!