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airIam2worship
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« Reply #1185 on: March 21, 2006, 10:52:15 PM » |
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Seniors Unite
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper.
Groceries are heavier.
And, everything is farther away.
Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection ......... Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today!
You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS:
I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
and have you noticed life is like a roll of toilet paper the shorter it gets, the faster it goes  |
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PS 91:2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust |
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1186 on: March 21, 2006, 10:57:51 PM » |
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Shammu
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« Reply #1187 on: March 22, 2006, 12:01:45 AM » |
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Seniors Unite
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper.
Groceries are heavier.
And, everything is farther away.
Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection ......... Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today!
You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS:
I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
Okay I ain't a senior citizen, and I have noticed that!!  |
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Shammu
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« Reply #1188 on: March 22, 2006, 12:02:43 AM » |
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and have you noticed life is like a roll of toilet paper the shorter it gets, the faster it goes Yup, I've noticed that as well. |
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1189 on: March 22, 2006, 12:04:10 AM » |
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Okay I ain't a senior citizen, and I have noticed that!! Are you sure about that??  |
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Shammu
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« Reply #1190 on: March 22, 2006, 12:38:24 AM » |
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Are you sure about that?? Yes, I'm only 48 ........ |
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1191 on: March 22, 2006, 12:47:15 AM » |
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Shammu
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« Reply #1192 on: March 22, 2006, 12:59:30 AM » |
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Speak for yourself brother.................  |
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sincereheart
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« Reply #1193 on: March 22, 2006, 07:16:08 AM » |
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Crying
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying.
The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?"
The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying my son?"
The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?"
The man said, "Lord I work for the public school system."
... and the Lord sat down and cried with him!
ROFL! In a sad, teary, kind of laughing way- from a former public school teacher! |
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1194 on: March 22, 2006, 10:27:46 AM » |
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1195 on: March 22, 2006, 10:29:26 AM » |
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1196 on: March 22, 2006, 06:14:58 PM » |
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Three turtles decided to go on a picnic down on the banks of a river. They packed their lunches and arrived at the river. Before they could begin eating, however, it started to rain. They decided one must go back after an umbrellaso they could eat in the dry. The smallest turtle was the one who finally agreed to go if the others would promise not to eat the sandwiches while he was gone. It was agreed.
They waited an hour, a day, a week, until finally a month had gone by. Still the turtle did not return... Finally, one turtle said to the other, "He's not coming back, let's go ahead and eat the sandwiches." Just then the little turtle stuck his head from behind a nearby rock and said, "I knew you wouldn't keep your promise. Just for that I'm not going!"
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Soldier4Christ
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« Reply #1197 on: March 22, 2006, 06:28:52 PM » |
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My dad's hearing aid would occasionally emit a brief high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. One day my little niece was sitting on his lap when the device started to beep.
Surprised, my niece looked up at him. "Grandpa," she said, "you've got mail."
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Joh 9:4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.
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Shammu
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« Reply #1198 on: March 23, 2006, 01:34:37 AM » |
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My dad's hearing aid would occasionally emit a brief high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. One day my little niece was sitting on his lap when the device started to beep.
Surprised, my niece looked up at him. "Grandpa," she said, "you've got mail."
ROTF!! I like that gramps....... |
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Shammu
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« Reply #1199 on: March 23, 2006, 02:40:40 AM » |
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Newspaper Headlines
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[ouch! that has gotta hurt!]
Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Deathrow Inmates on hunger strike.
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