Christian And Church Humor

[Brother Love]

At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you do it again."

ROFLOL, now that is a good one

Brother Love

[nChrist]

     I see that I need better material. I'll work on it.

In Christ,
Tom

[4JC]

There once was an Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fainted to the floor.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Signed, Your eternally loving husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

[4JC]

A priest was walking down the street one day when he noticed a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.  However, the boy was very small and the doorbell was too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest stepped across the street, walked up behind the little fellow, and placed his hand gently on the child's shoulder.  Looking kindly at the young boy, the priest leaned over and gave the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiled benevolently and asked, "And now what, young man?"
The boy replied, "Now we run!"  

God bless
4JC

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to 4JC,

     Thanks, I needed those laughs.

In Christ,
Tom

[Brother Love]

A priest was walking down the street one day when he noticed a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.  However, the boy was very small and the doorbell was too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest stepped across the street, walked up behind the little fellow, and placed his hand gently on the child's shoulder.  Looking kindly at the young boy, the priest leaned over and gave the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiled benevolently and asked, "And now what, young man?"
The boy replied, "Now we run!"  

God bless
4JC

hehe

Good one

Brother Love

[nChrist]

Soap and Water:

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.

When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

[nChrist]

The Nursery:

There once was a Church Nursery that felt it was still more economical to use cloth diapers over disposable. The problem soon arose however, that they had trouble getting people to remember to return the laundered diapers and even more trouble getting them to return the plastic pants that went around them, so they ordered a stamp with the Church name on it. They figured no one would want to be seen using plastic pants with the Church name plastered on them.

When the new stamp arrived, the Nursery Director asked the church Secretary if she would please stamp the new plastic pants. The Secretary was doing the bookkeeping that same day, and accidentally picked up the wrong stamp. The next Sunday, the Nursery Volunteers pulled out the new pants to find "FOR DEPOSIT ONLY" stamped on them!

[4JC]

Soap and Water:

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.

When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

LOL    That's a good one!   Thanks BEP LOL

[Brother Love]

There once was an Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fainted to the floor.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Signed, Your eternally loving husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

4JC ROFLOL

Brother Love

[Brother Love]

Soap and Water:

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.

When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.

"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.

She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.

When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here Water!"

Oh Boy

Brother Love

[Forrest]

There was a feud between the Pastor and Choir Director of a Hicksville
Church.  It seems the first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on
"dedicating yourselves to service" and the Choir Director chose to sing "I Shall Not
Be Moved."

Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incidence behind
him.  The next Sunday he preached on "giving".  Afterwards, the choir squirmed
as the director led them in the hymn "Jesus Paid It All".

By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper.  Sunday morning attendance
swelled as the tension between the two built.  A large crowd showed up the next
week to hear his sermon on "the sin of gossiping".  Would you believe the
Choir Director selected "I Love To Tell the Story".

There was no turning back.  The following Sunday the Pastor told his
congregation that unless something changed he was considering resignation.  The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them in "Why Not Tonight".

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later
explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away.  The Choir Director could not resist:  "What A Friend We Have in Jesus".

[nChrist]

     Good one Brother Forrest.

In Christ,
Tom

[Forrest]

Christmas Stamps

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

[Tibby]

An Irish priest was sent to pastor a church in England. I like most Irish, he wasn’t a fan of the brits. So, his sermons became increasingly more anti-British. The deacons took notice. So, a week before Easter, his deacons went to the Bishop and told him about the trouble. So, that Saturday, the Bishop called the priest into his office, and told him to stop with the anti-births stuff. Next Sunday, he begin to tell the tale of the last supper. He got to the point where the disciples asked Jesus if they where the one to betray him.

“And Peter turn to the lord and said ‘Tis not I, tis it, lord?’

“Jesus replied ‘No Peter, tis not you’

“And John turn to the lord and said ‘Tis not I, tis it, lord?’

“Jesus replied ‘No John, tis not you’

“And then Judes turn the Jesus, and said ‘Not me, is it Mate?’”


lol, it sound better in person.