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nChrist
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« on: October 27, 2003, 05:27:19 PM » |
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Good News & Bad News:
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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nChrist
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« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2003, 05:41:02 PM » |
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Exhaust:
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed
sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
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nChrist
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« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2003, 05:44:00 PM » |
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Thoughts:
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
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"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "GoodLord, it's morning."
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nChrist
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« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2003, 05:46:37 PM » |
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No Parking:
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
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nChrist
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« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2003, 05:53:43 PM » |
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The Bible:
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay", said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
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nChrist
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« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2003, 05:56:07 PM » |
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Old Family Bible:
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
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nChrist
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« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2003, 06:00:20 PM » |
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Church Repairs:
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
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Malificent
Newbie
 Offline
Posts: 22
Trying to understand...
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« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2003, 09:55:14 PM » |
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LOL... These are great...
loe & light
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...oO0Oo...MaLiFiCeNt...oO0Oo...
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4JC
Jr. Member
Offline
Posts: 67
I'm a llama!
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« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2003, 01:31:39 AM » |
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son." "Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?" - - - - author unknown  |
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nChrist
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« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2003, 02:17:40 AM » |
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Oklahoma Howdy to 4JC, Thanks, I needed that laugh. In Christ, Tom |
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nChrist
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« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2003, 06:43:37 AM » |
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Kids In Church:
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
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nChrist
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« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2003, 06:45:48 AM » |
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Coming Home From Church:
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
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nChrist
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« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2003, 06:48:38 AM » |
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The First Pancake:
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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nChrist
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« Reply #13 on: October 29, 2003, 06:51:05 AM » |
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Saying The Blessing:
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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4JC
Jr. Member
Offline
Posts: 67
I'm a llama!
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« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2003, 01:20:29 AM » |
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Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about how well his mother cooked!  |
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