Christian And Church Humor

[4JC]

At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you do it again."

[nChrist]

     Good one 4JC
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Letters to God From Children - Real?

Dear God
In Sunday school they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacation?
-Jane

Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident.
-Norma

Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones why don't you just keep the ones you got now?
-Jane

Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan

Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil

Dear God,
Did you really mean do unto others as they do unto you, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother.
-Darla

Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce

Dear God,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny

Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry

Dear God,I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
-Sam

Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan

Dear God,
Of all the people who work for you I like Peter and John the best.
-Rob

Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right.
-Marsha

Dear God,
If you watch in church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
-Mickey D.

Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool.
-Eugene

[4JC]

LOL Good ones BEP


A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.
       
      One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
       
      The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
       
      Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"  

[4JC]

A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: "FOOL."
       
      The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."

[4JC]

While burglarizing someone's house, a thief hears a voice saying "Jesus is watching you". Suprised, the thief shines his flashlight frantically in search of the source of the voice. Finally, his light falls on a parrot and the parrot repeats, "Jesus is watching you". He asks, "What is your name?" and the parrot replies, "Moses". "What kind of family would name a parrot Moses?" he asks. The parrot replies, "The same kind that would name a rottweiler Jesus."  

 
God bless

4JC

[Tibby]

Funny story, and true. I think you guys will enjoy it. The former Pastor of my church was telling a story today. Now, this man is Southern Baptist all the way. He is a huge man, played pro football, was an MP in the army, deep, booming voice, etc. What you think of when you think good ol' boy Texan.

Anyways, him and his wife where in S. Korea a bit ago. They begin praying at the same time for something. He, being the Baptist he is, as rather disturbed. he turned to his wife and said “Honey, they are praying in tongues!” And with his voice as deep and naturally loud as it is, everyone around heard him. His wife was rather embarrassed by this. She nudged him back “No, honey” she said in an annoyed voice “they are praying in Korean”

You might be a Redneck if....

[4JC]

Tibby, lol That's funny, I saw Jeff Foxworthy live. It was a fun night. Lots of laughs.

You might be a Redneck if....

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You own a homemade fur coat.

God bless
4JC

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to 4JC and Tibby,

     Thanks, I needed those laughs.

In Christ,
Tom

[nChrist]

Diet And Health:

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "This is Heaven."

Next they surveyed the championship golf course behind the home. They would have golfing privileges every day, and every week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with cuisines of the world. "How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's free!," Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter explained, "That's the best part--you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven!" With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and the man's wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

[4JC]

LOL Hmmm...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales and how she had heard in Sunday School about how a whale had swallowed Jonah.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl remained steadfast in her position and reiterated that indeed, a whale had swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher again stated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "I'm not sure how it happened, but when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher replied smugly, "What if Jonah isn't in heaven?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

[LoggedintoJesus]

   LOL!!

[4JC]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent, and are asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see
Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.
Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Tonto, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

   

[4JC]

Pilate said to Joseph of Arimathaea, "Why do you want to give up your new tomb for this criminal called Jesus?" Joseph replied, "It's only for the weekend."
==========================
Determined to "take it with him" when he died, a very rich man prayed until the Lord gave in. There was one condition: he could bring only one suitcase of his wealth. The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion. The day came when God called him home. St. Peter greeted him, but told him he could not bring his suitcase. "Oh, but I have an agreement with God," the man explained.
"That's unusual," said St. Peter. "Mind if I take a look?" The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion. St. Peter was amazed. "Why in the world would you bring pavement?"

God bless
4JC

[LoggedintoJesus]

After God made man He rested, then He made Eve and we have not had any peace since.

After God made man, God said , I can do better than that , and then  He made eve.


I heard a true one tonight, but I wont tell you the names because you will know them ,and it could be embarrassing.

A certain football coach asked a player to pray for the team, the player didnt know what to pray, the coach said just pray, so He proceeded  "our father in heaven as I lay me down to sleep I pray my soul for thy to keep....

[4JC]