Christian And Church Humor

[nChrist]

Dads:

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

[nChrist]

A Death in the Family:

A Pastor went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the pastor to the health department.

They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the pastor knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the pastor called him anyway.

The mayor did not disappoint him. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The pastor paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. Then, he replied "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"

[nChrist]

Southern Nativity Scene:

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.


Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!"


I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.


She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar."

[nChrist]

God, Are You Listening?

A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen.

So he asked, "God, are you listening?"

And God replied, "Yes my son, I am here."

The man stopped and pondered some more.

He looked towards the sky and said, "God, what is a million years to you?"

God replied, "Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you."

So the man continued to walk and to ponder... walk and ponder...

Then he looked to the sky again and said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

And God replied, "My son, my son...a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little."

The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, "God, can I have a million dollars?"

And God replied, "In a second."

[nChrist]

Suspicious Women:

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands....

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

[JudgeNot]

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar."

Ha-ha-ha  - -  You're killin' me here, brother - you're killin' me!!!!