Christian And Church Humor

[nChrist]

Died In The Service:

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.

"Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?" - - - - author unknown

[nChrist]

A TEST OF FAITH:

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grand fatherly gentleman who had that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.

The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind so much being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," he said. "Then tell them 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt' "!

[nChrist]

Offering:

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

[Brother Love]

A TEST OF FAITH:

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grand fatherly gentleman who had that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.

The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind so much being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," he said. "Then tell them 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt' "!

Love it, why do I think of Benny Hinn and the white cane

Brother Love

[nChrist]

Love it, why do I think of Benny Hinn and the white cane

Brother Love

Oklahoma Howdy to Brother Love,

I've heard some outrageous stories about Benny, and the sad thing is that many of them are true. He takes money from the elderly, poor, sick, and many terminal patients and calls it another good day. Some of his victims went to my church, but they are home with our Lord and Saviour.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[Willowbirch]

A TEST OF FAITH:

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grand fatherly gentleman who had that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.

The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind so much being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," he said. "Then tell them 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt' "!

[Forrest]

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to
her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

    "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest
day of her life."

    The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"

[Forrest]

    A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and
on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we
give him the money now, will he let us go?"

[Forrest]

 Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The
first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
calls it a poem, they give him $50."

    The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on
a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

    The third boy says , "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to
collect all the money!"

[Forrest]

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't
want them to take me out when I'm dead.

[Forrest]

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own mother?"

    He said, "Call for backup."

[Forrest]

Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed
them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

    Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

[Forrest]

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took
Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

    A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

[Forrest]

 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy
father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us
how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

    Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

[Forrest]

    At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week
his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
"Johnny, what is the matter?"

    Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going
to have a wife."