Should the church promote young marriages to deal with sexual immorality?

[nChrist]

The issue here is Christian marriage, so we can really boil things down to very simple teaching and choices:

1 - Lust and the world are the master.

2 - Love and CHRIST are the MASTER.

Christians are becoming more an more like the world, so Christians have almost the same percentage of broken homes as the lost do. This is the price when any compromise is made in getting away from the instructions of the Holy Bible. The price is horrendous, and it also has a bad impact on the testimony of the Christian.

This life is short, and this world is not our home. All of our choices obviously impact us and everyone around us. Lust is a ruthless master and its victims are miserable. Have Christians forgotten how to define "Happiness"? As far as I'm concerned, the answers are very simple basics in the Holy Bible. Compromise with the devil and the world is not on the answer list for a Christian.

SO, what should we be teaching our children and WHY? A much harder question for many Christians today is, What kind of an example have we set for our children? How many have tried things the world's way and have nothing but misery to show for the effort? Let's ask a few more questions:

1 - If we are Christian parents, do we have a duty to our children according to the Bible?

2 - As Christian parents and grandparents, should we feel a duty to serve as a proper example with our lives, testimonies, and marriages?

3 - Do we do our children any favors by condoning or encouraging worldly ways for our children?

4 - Do we question whether the LORD'S ways are right, correct, and what we should be teaching our children?

5 - What do we want for our children? If we DON'T fulfill our duties as Godly parents and our children fall into pits of misery, how much of this will be our fault?

6 - As Christian parents, have you already been in that pit of misery that I spoke of once, twice, or more? If so, did you ever figure out how you got there? Please don't tell us that you fell into the pit because you followed Biblical instructions about marriage. We already know that GOD didn't fail - you did.

7 - If you have been in that pit of misery, do you want the same things for your children? Are you capable of humbling yourself and explaining to your children why you failed and set a poor example for them? Can you teach them how to avoid the same failures, or do you care?

Brothers and Sisters, I'm not hinting that Christian parents and grandparents can be perfect or anywhere near perfect. So, forget about any suggestion of practicing self-righteousness. Everything good and right about us is from GOD, and that's why CHRIST is the Head of the Home in Biblical instructions for marriage. Are the Biblical instructions too hard to attempt? If so, why did they work so well for many hundreds of years? Did the Biblical instructions just start failing about 50 years ago, or did Christians stop following Biblical instructions?

LET'S GET REAL! - Christians already know the answers to these questions. Are the answers any big secret? Hosts of Christians would have avoided untold misery by doing one of two things:

1 - Trying with great effort to follow Biblical instructions for marriage with CHRIST as the Head of the home.

2 - Avoiding marriage completely and living a life of celibacy.

Brothers and Sisters, remember that this world isn't our home. This life will be very short, and our Citizenship is in Heaven.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Hebrews 4:16 NASB  Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Galatians 2:20 NASB  "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Psalms 36:7 NASB  How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.

Colossians 1:13-14 NASB  For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

1 Corinthians 3:16 NASB  Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

Romans 5:1-2 NASB  Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.

[mississippi_jesus_chic]

This depends also on what a person considers as being late or early. I see this as varying from one person to the next. Some may be mature enough in Christ to be ready at the age of 18 or 19 others may not be and those usually end in a disastrous situation. Some try to advocate a marriage as young as 14 or even 12 because they could "not contain themselves". When in all reality many individuals do not even try. Especially so since it is being pushed in our public schools today to do whatever you want with no teaching of the consequences or responsibilities of such actions. Even many churches are not conducting proper teachings in this same manner resulting in people making many mistakes without even trying to stay pure till marriage nor, once married, trying to make that marriage work.

I don't really think that there is any magic age at which someone is mature or ready for marriage or anything else.  Every person is different.  I think that its ok for young people to marry if they are truly in love and have prayed about the situation.  Only the two people involved know if this is the case.  I know that I don't want to wait until I am thirty to get married.  I would like to find the person God wants me to be with and settle down at a fairly young age.  Not so that it will be ok for me to experience certain things, but because I don't want to go through the whole trial and error process.  I don't want to date 50 different guys and get my heart broken and still be clueless as to what direction my life is going in.  I want to go ahead and figure things out and have a family and live the life God has planned out for me.  I feel like I am a mature enough young person to make the right decision.  But there are many people my age(16) who are not anywhere near mature enough or stable enough to settle down and get married.  It really just depends on the people.  But I believe that it is wrong to promote young marriage for any reason other than true, God planned love.  I don't think that anyone can honestly say that they believe God would condone getting married only to make sex all right.

mJc

[nChrist]

Hello MJC,

I think that I've already posted most of my concerns in this area. I know this isn't something to be taken lightly, quickly, or without considerable prayer.

I've been married once, and that will be all. We've been married for over 35 years, and GOD has richly blessed us. We are and have been very happy, and I wish the same thing for you. I'm positive that it isn't a matter of luck, rather of real love, prayer, and GOD.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Colossians 1:13-14 NASB  For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

[Greg F]

I think some of the young people make the best points in this thread.  As far as 12 or 14 year old marriage I would certainly oppose something like that for my own daughter.  But 16, 18 I would approach her as an adult on the issue, I think, with about the same advice I'd give a 30 year old.  If women married more often at 18, they could have 15 years to have children, raise them, get them in school, and then turn back to her studies and her career without interfering with child-rearing.  What we do now is have so many of our young women focus on career and then often marry late . . . when they are less fertile and have less energy to deal witht the tykes -- it's sort of backwards from my point of view.  Career first, children second is backwards.

[nChrist]

I think some of the young people make the best points in this thread.  As far as 12 or 14 year old marriage I would certainly oppose something like that for my own daughter.  But 16, 18 I would approach her as an adult on the issue, I think, with about the same advice I'd give a 30 year old.  If women married more often at 18, they could have 15 years to have children, raise them, get them in school, and then turn back to her studies and her career without interfering with child-rearing.  What we do now is have so many of our young women focus on career and then often marry late . . . when they are less fertile and have less energy to deal witht the tykes -- it's sort of backwards from my point of view.  Career first, children second is backwards.

Hello Greg,

It appears that you've now advocated a worldly view, part of what you complained about earlier. There is a Biblical and Godly view on this issue, and that would be the only reasonable advice for an adult Christian to give to a young Christian. Plainly and bluntly, if what you think is in contention with the Holy Bible, we don't care what you think. If you are a Christian, you should already know that worldly views of many issues lead to disaster, misery, sin, and the wages of sin. There does come a time when it will be necessary for you to make your mind up about whether you should be giving Christian advice or non-Christian advice. That time is now.

It won't work here for you to represent yourself as an adult Christian and give non-Christian, worldly advice to our young people here. It would be more accurate to say that you won't be allowed to do that here. This is a Christian forum. Worldly ways in this issue have been and are a disaster, and we have no desire to advise our young people in ways that will cause suffering and misery for them. I hope this is clear enough for you to understand.

Moderator

[Shammu]

I think some of the young people make the best points in this thread.  As far as 12 or 14 year old marriage I would certainly oppose something like that for my own daughter.  But 16, 18 I would approach her as an adult on the issue, I think, with about the same advice I'd give a 30 year old.  If women married more often at 18, they could have 15 years to have children, raise them, get them in school, and then turn back to her studies and her career without interfering with child-rearing.  What we do now is have so many of our young women focus on career and then often marry late . . . when they are less fertile and have less energy to deal witht the tykes -- it's sort of backwards from my point of view.  Career first, children second is backwards.

Sorry Greg, the Bible tells us the worldly view is wrong. 

Matthew 18:7 Woe to the world for such temptations to sin and influences to do wrong! It is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the person on whose account or by whom the temptation comes!

I'll follow Gods word every time, not mans view.

[Maryjane]

I believe all that christians who plan to marry should study the book of Ephesians re: marriage...So many who attend a singles group in curches marry and divirce then recycle themselves in the singles group. The divorce rate is so high even amoung the churches for lack of knowledge of God's word and to trust His word for their lives...I have been married for 35 years and the best advice I have ever been given re: marriage is to never marry a non christian...for by marrying a christian, you are treated in the manner God would have you treated.
Maryjane

[Greg F]

It appears that you've now advocated a worldly view, part of what you complained about earlier. There is a Biblical and Godly view on this issue, and that would be the only reasonable advice for an adult Christian to give to a young Christian. Plainly and bluntly, if what you think is in contention with the Holy Bible, we don't care what you think. If you are a Christian, you should already know that worldly views of many issues lead to disaster, misery, sin, and the wages of sin. There does come a time when it will be necessary for you to make your mind up about whether you should be giving Christian advice or non-Christian advice. That time is now

I disagree. Marriage is a practical decision as well as a spiritual one. We are in the world but not of the world, and we have practical advice to give one another regarding living in the world as Christians. To simply point to Ephesians is very good.  However, it is not the "only reasonable advice for an adult Christian to give to a young Christian."  I married late and I have a practical understanding of the difficulties that poses, in the world, for an adult Christian. We are not commanded to be mute when we have already quoted scripture and have none new to add. It would be an that marriage and raising a family is often more difficult when older, and better when young and energetic -- and that interesting sermon that did not expound on the Bible, but only quoted it!  Probably a great one if it could be pulled off.  But it would not do to require all sermons to be only the quoting of scripture.  We all, as Christians, have our lives in Christ as witness to one another.  My strong belief is that the world tells children that career, money, looks, fame, and ease of living is more important than looking for a wife or husband when they are young.  I say the reverse -- young people should know that.  I will be retirement age when the children leave the house! Starting a family has been a blessing and one that I wish I had when I was much younger. Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." How is my view in contention with the Bible? If it is, I will change my view.

[Greg F]

Post above had a sentence cut and dropped out of place, here is proper post.I disagree. Marriage is a practical decision as well as a spiritual one. We are in the world but not of the world, and we have practical advice to give one another regarding living in the world as Christians. To simply point to Ephesians is very good.  However, it is not the "only reasonable advice for an adult Christian to give to a young Christian."  I married late and I have a practical understanding of the difficulties that poses, in the world, for an adult Christian. We are not commanded to be mute when we have already quoted scripture and have none new to add. It would be an interesting sermon that did not expound on the Bible, but only quoted it!  Probably a great one if it could be pulled off.  But it would not do to require all sermons to be only the quoting of scripture.  We all, as Christians, have our lives in Christ as witness to one another.  My strong belief is that the world tells children that career, money, looks, fame, and ease of living is more important than looking for a wife or husband when they are young.  I say the reverse -- that marriage and raising a family is often more difficult when older, and better when young and energetic -- and that young people should know that.  I will be retirement age when the children leave the house! Starting a family has been a blessing and one that I wish I had when I was much younger. Genesis 2:18, “The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." How is my view in contention with the Bible? If it is, I will change my view.

[Soldier4Christ]

Greg F,

When giving advice of any sort to our young people it should always be based on Biblical values. Yes our children should be taught at a very early age that family is more important than "career, money, looks, fame, and ease of living". They should also be taught that Jesus Christ and His teachings are most important of all. Teaching our children that they should seek to be married at the age of 18 quite often sets that child with a goal of self over God. Not all are meant to be married. Marriage is not necessarily a goal in this earthly life for all Christians.

In your statement you yourself have separated your "advice" as worldly and spiritually. When we advise our young people we need to give them all advice based on Biblical principles. "Marry young because of the physical demands of ones body" is not a Biblical value. That is a worldly value and can lead young Christians to making a mistake because they think they have to run out and get married right away. Marriage is a union that should be thought out carefully, prayed about and joined in only when it is right in God's eyes and in God's time.

The Bible tells us that all we do and say is to be done in His name. This includes all aspects of our lives.

[Maryjane]

I so agree with this...Christians have been instructed as how to teach their children...to train them in the way they should go that they will not depart from it..even at the age of marriage...when a child is grown it will be what thatr child is taught as to what that child will put to practice in their life...Even if they do not and stray...they will remember the teaching and go back to the source of life which is the word of God...It is the source that many have put down and replaced by books and books that lead many astray.

Sincerely,
Maryjane

[nChrist]

To The Young People Reading This Thread,

The Holy Bible contains the perfect instructions for marriage, and I would suggest that you follow them.

Forget about worldly views of marriage. Just look around you and see the results of worldly views on marriage. Forget about my opinion unless it's based on nothing but the Holy Bible. Read the Holy Bible for yourself and check any advice given to you against the Holy Bible.

I will now offer an opinion that is NOT straight from the Holy Bible, so please consider whether it is worth anything at all. I was a police officer for 25 years, and I answered thousands of domestic disturbance calls. Many of those calls involved self-proclaimed Christians, people who went to church every Sunday, and people thought to be pillars of the community. Some of the things involved were alcohol, drugs, adultery, physical abuse, psychological abuse, neglect of children, abuse of children, and just about every negative thing you can dream of happening under a roof that they called a home. The calls were before divorce, during divorce, and after divorce, and none of them could be associated with the word "pleasant" or "Christian". There were children involved in most of them, and the children became victims of various types. The so-called "home" wasn't a "home" at all, just some kind of torture house for the parents and the children.

Brothers and Sisters, there are always innocent victims involved with marriages that are not based on Biblical instructions with CHRIST as the head of a "REAL HOME". The sad truth is that many self-proclaimed Christians run almost as many "torture houses" of marriage these days as the lost do. The reason is already mentioned in this paragraph, and one doesn't need to be very smart to figure it out. There might have been some lust satisfied temporarily, and the rest was misery.

NONE of the above is any secret. This type of misery is all around us, and it would be almost impossible to miss. YET, some still proclaim worldly ways or think that they can improve the Biblical Instructions. They can't, and they are naive and immature in any attempt. The fact is that their attempts aren't helping anyone at all - JUST THE OPPOSITE!

Let me give you a little hint about the real world:  the devil doesn't want you to have a happy marriage! The devil just loves fornication, adultery, alcohol, drugs, beatings, violence, broken vows, broken homes, abuse, neglect, torture, and death.

Young Christians, use your heads and some common sense - STOP LISTENING TO THE WORLD! Read and study your Bibles for the tested, tried, and TRUE instructions for a happy marriage. Don't take anyone else's word for it - study it for yourself! If you have a desire to have a happy marriage in this short life, the ONLY WAY is in the Holy Bible. PRAY, PRAY AGAIN, AND PRAY SOME MORE! Ask GOD for guidance in your choices and decisions. These choices and decisions will have a dramatic impact on your life and everyone around you - including the children of this marriage. Ask your friends and relatives to also PRAY for you during times you are making important decisions.

LASTLY - take any worldly advice you are given and toss it out the window! Put your TRUST in GOD and follow HIS WAYS - NOT MAN'S!

Love In Christ,
Tom

 

[Greg F]

I agreed with everything said above in response to my post by Roger and Blackeyedpeas except for one statement I think: 1) "Marry young because of the physical demands of ones body" is not a Biblical value. I cite again 1 Corinthians 7:9 "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."  I think in this matter, the word of God trumps the view that sexual desire is irrelevant to the decision to marry -- that somehow all Christians can or should be above all sexual passion and the demands of the body -- and I think it no accident that God has created us with that passion strongest in the man in his youth, and for the women she is most able to bear children safely and healthily when the natural consequence of this passion results in a child.  also believe that a young Christian gains a great benefit from dating, in youth, with an eye to marriage and a more serious attitude than the non-believer.

[nChrist]

Hello Greg,

It's never wise to isolate one portion of Scripture in the Bible and think you have the whole story. Some folks even take a single Verse out of context and come up with some very strange beliefs that are NOT taught in the Bible. The number of examples of this absolute TRUTH would be countless. I'll leave it at this and say that you need more experience with your Bible. This is a nice way of me putting this.

[Soldier4Christ]

Greg F,

I agree with blackeyedpeas here. I suggest that you study the entire 7th chapter of 1 Cor and attempt to see the overall idea of this chapter. Not just that one verse. Then compare this with other portions of scripture on this subject.