Should the church promote young marriages to deal with sexual immorality?

[nChrist]

Hello MJC,

Appropriate portions of this conversation are beyond what we can do here. These are extremely important issues that should be dealt with very seriously in a more appropriate and private setting. A class done at church specifically for teens and done in the right way would be excellent, but nothing can relieve the parents of their responsibilities in this area.

According to the Bible, a husband is to love his wife in the same way that JESUS CHRIST loves HIS CHURCH. JESUS CHRIST gave HIS life on the CROSS, so this is a perfect description of real LOVE. Humans won't ever be able to match the same kind of Love that JESUS has for us, but this is what real love is. The world has a very cheap definition of love, and it usually involves selfish pleasure and temporary gratification.

Young men and women should be taught by their parents about what real love is. There's a problem here because many parents apparently don't know what real love is, and they define it much like the world does. I would say this is a primary reason for grossly escalating failed marriages and many other nightmares associated with the world's definition of love. Real love is a thousand times more than just sex. About as blunt as I can get here: just sex is nearly always use and abuse that has nothing at all to do with real love.

Real love involves much higher things:

Bowing before GOD in a Holy Bond.

Making CHRIST the head of the man and woman.

Sharing and bearing everything together as one.

Caring for the spouse more than caring for themselves.

Compromise, sacrifice, and more than anything - Yielding to GOD first.

I feel sorry for young people who have never been taught what real love is, mainly because they don't know what to look for in their decisions for marriage. Beyond the above descriptions, the parents should get very blunt with their young men and women. Sadly, it appears that many young men and women don't have a clue and were never taught. It does get too blunt to share here, but I'll say one more thing again. Just sex is most of the time use and abuse - an opposite of real love. Cheap, disposable, and throwaway should come into the discussion that we really can't have here.

We can talk about real love here all we want to. I hope everyone understands that we have young members and readers. This is not the time or place to get into graphic details - except in the area of real love. Would that other person die for you? Intimacy is a good word that can mean many things, some as simple as just enjoying someone's company, talking, and actually enjoying many other things that are part of everyday life. A Christian grows in strength as intimacy with CHRIST increases. Our walk in CHRIST is intimacy, and this becomes more and more important as we mature. There's nothing temporary about this relationship and fellowship with our LORD and SAVIOUR. The same is true for a man and woman who share real love in a union with CHRIST as the head of that home. There are hundreds of things every day that are real love, and that real love grows stronger and stronger - just as we grow stronger in CHRIST. CHEAP is not a word that can be associated with this union. Beautiful is more appropriate, and this doesn't hint that every day will be easy. The man and woman will do as they promised in their vows before GOD. There will be good times and bad - hard times and easy - sickness and health - and everything else in life that is shared by these two who have formed a Holy Union under GOD. This is real love, and Hollywood can't portray it on the big screen. It's far too beautiful and expensive than what Hollywood can handle. Hollywood portrays and glorifies cheap and temporary things that lead to misery and unhappiness in this short life.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Philippians 2:1-2 NASB  Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

[mississippi_jesus_chic]

I am very sorry.  The last thing I am trying to do is cause trouble or say anything innapropriate.  I don't want seen as a troublemaker.   I enjoy reading and writing on this forum and I don't want to do anything to mess that up.  Please forgive me.

mJc

[nChrist]

Hello MJC,

You didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't say anything bad. I was simply trying to tell you that I couldn't reply to you with everything I'd really like to say on this topic. I have much more to say about this topic, and I really do wish some times that I had a chance to say bluntly what I really want to say to young men and young women starting out in life. I'm not even hinting that I'm smart or have any big secrets, rather a version of the unvarnished truth that might save a lot of misery for young people.

You have been very reasonable with your conversations here and don't have to worry about anything you've done on the forum. You've been very positive and constructive. I enjoy reading your posts. Now, I hope that you understand I wasn't saying anything about you, rather trying to explain why I couldn't answer in the way that I would really like to answer.

Love In Christ,
Tom

Matthew 11:28-30 NASB  "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.  "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

[Jemidon2004]

7Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

   

 13By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. 18There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19We love because he first loved us.

I; will start off with those verses from 1 john 4 to illustrate a point. The words "true love" are thrown around alot without really knowing the true meaning of "love" and what all that encompasses. I agree with you MJC that the church should pray for those people, however, i will state this that marriage is a holy bond between a man and woman and God. It is a unity between the man and woman who are become one in the holy bonds of matrimony. I am 19 and have been married since August of last year. It's been a change, but we both prayed hard and recieved confirmation that God has blessed our marriage to one another. Also, if the church were to promote young marriages in order for teens not to commit fornication, that is a complete contridiction as to what Paul wrote in Corinthians i believe. I firmly believe if a couple is influenced by outside forces i.e. the church to get married dto avoid fornication (sex before marriage) then that degrades the meaning of marriage. It would tell our teens that "hey, i can get married and have sex, then get a divorce, or it could even lead to adultery in many cases, should either person in the marriage get bored, or tired with their mate and begin lusting after another person. There are many avenues to sin that have the possibility of being opened should the church "promote" that. While they would be "preventing" sexual immorality in a sense, the result would be a degredation of marriage, possible adultery, even divorce. So how can people know true love then? By learning from God, no man can teach "true love' It is shown by God Himself who IS Love. Through His Son Jesus Christ. Here are a few lyrics that sum up exactly what I mean.

How Deep The Father's Love

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulder
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

and the author of this song asks a great question that many have asked and can only be summed up with three words. "God IS love"

 What kind of love is this
That climbs the hill
That bears the cross
That takes the nails
What kind of love is this
That takes my place
That gives His life
And clears my name
Oh, I want to know
What kind of love is this

Chorus:
It's wonderful
It's glorious
It's full of grace
And full of mercy
Powerful
It's marvelous
That's what this love is
That's what God's love is

VERSE(2)
What kind of love is this
That cries alone
That tastes of death
To bring me home
Oh, I want to know
What kind of love this is

VERSE(3)
What kind of love is this
That fills my soul
That lifts me up
And makes me whole
What kind of love is this
That gives me hope
That dries my tears
And brings me joy
Oh, I want to know
What kind of love this is

VERSE(4)
Jesus, Jesus
He's full of grace
And full of mercy
Jesus, my Jesus
This is what love is
That's what God's love is

Just a few thoughts.x

[Jemidon2004]

You knoww I have no problem being blunt about an issue BEPS.  but I can get the point across tactfully lol. hee hee...enjoy the post

[nChrist]

You knoww I have no problem being blunt about an issue BEPS.  but I can get the point across tactfully lol. hee hee...enjoy the post

Amen Brother!

YES - I did enjoy your post, and I agree with it 100%.

I many times do feel the generation(s) gap when trying to have conversations with young adults. It would probably be humorous to know what they were thinking about while reading the old square's post (that's me).   

It's my opinion that our societies in this part of the world are falling apart right now - right before our very eyes. Does this sound like an old square talking?   

Being very serious, statistics do indicate that marriage failures are still escalating - along with many other problems associated with cheap sex. I do wonder how many people know what real love is, and the Bible is the best way to explain real love. I do remember quite a few young people looking at me like I was out of my mind while trying to share the Godly version of the birds and bees talk. I'll have to say that I still believe strongly that young people should be told the blunt truth about love and relations from a Biblical perspective. It concerns me greatly that this doesn't appear to be much of a priority these days, and the result is most commonly misery, confusion, marriage failure, and worse.

It's really not fun to watch all of the pain and misery of huge percentages of marriage these days. I simply give thanks that I have a happy marriage with CHRIST as the head of our home. All Glory goes to GOD! We've been married for almost 35 years now, and we love each other more now than ever. I might even be able to entertain some of the young folks here and talk about some of the intimate things we do. We like to hold hands and talk. Tell the truth - how many of you were worried about what I would say next?   

Love In Christ,
Tom

1 Corinthians 12:27 NASB  Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it.

John 17:11 NASB  "I am no longer in the world; and yet they themselves are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.

[mississippi_jesus_chic]

BEPS,
I had misunderstood what you were trying to say.  Now that I read what you said and put it all together I understand your point. 

I was kind of worried about that 

[OWAM]

I for one feel is it very imperative for the Church to promote young marriages to deal with moral issues and most importantly sexual morality. sex is a covenant between a wife and husband and it is only valued by God within the bounds of marriage. It's high Christians start practising what the Word of God Instructs and We should stop relying on our Human Knowledge

[Soldier4Christ]

Hi OWAM,

Welcome to Christians Unite.

Getting married young is not necessarily the answer but I do agree with you that Jesus Christ and the teachings of the Bible definitely are.

[Greg F]

Marriage and having children, and becoming a Christian is what matured me, not age.  There are plenty of old adolescents running around.  I was one; I became a Christian after marriage and children and I married at 38.

And, in answer to the question, should the Church encourage early marriage . . . yes, yes, yes . . . with prayer and understanding of the person and the actual situation. Early marriage certainly shouldn't be discouraged. It is not wise to expect your average person marrying in their late 20’s or in their 30’s to remain sexually pure until marriage, not because it is right to sin, but because it is right to marry if your urges are strong and difficult to control.  Paul said this directly in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9: "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Sex is one of the reasons to get married and it’s valid to feel that way.

I think with the acceptance and promotion of late marriage around our dinner tables and in our advice, Christians have bought into a career oriented, worldly view of things. Getting a college degree, establishing a career, is more important than remaining celibate. We don't directly say that, but we discourage early marriage and children and encourage building up a career and education.  We say wait on marriage for sex, but wink at the failure to stay pure when a person is in their 20’s and 30’s, or at least recognize it's not our decision but theirs . . . and then we say "boy, isn’t the company you work for great?"

The problem I see for the mature young Christian is finding another mature young Christian, in this society, who is worthy to marry and who also wants an early marriage, after a celibate courtship.  That is not an easy task.

[nChrist]

Hello Greg,

WELCOME!

I sincerely hope that you enjoy Christians Unite.

Greg, I disagree completely with what Christians have or have not done with their children about marriage. I also disagree completely with the motives you suggest.

I can only speak for myself and the Christians who I know. We have encouraged our children to marry ONLY for real love and make a REAL vow under GOD. Regarding sex, I'm not aware of any Christians who condone or encourage sex outside of marriage. Contrary to your statement that "Christians have bought into a worldly view of things", the opposite is true for the Christians I know. Further, I would hope that sex is not one of a person's primary reasons for marriage. If it is, it will be a short marriage and the vows will be broken. This might be one of the reasons why so many marriages today fail and end in divorce. I might add that there is considerable misery along the way. The instructions of the Holy Bible are still quite accurate and TRUE, but we can't take what we like and discard what we don't like. Fornication and adultery are still sins, so nothing has changed. AND, a real marriage has CHRIST as the head of the home. Advocating anything less is encouraging a path to misery.

[Soldier4Christ]

Hello Greg,

Welcome to Christians Unite.

There are many today that call themselves Christian that advocate all sorts of things outside of those that are right according to the Bible.

Paul was not advocating marriage at an early age. The proper age of marriage was not a part of the context of this scripture (1 Cor). He did say that sex without marriage was a sin. The intent of this portion of scripture was simply the moralistic setting of the situation of marriage. Part of this was to stay celibate until marriage.

Paul also spoke of what a marriage should be like in Eph 5. Here he is telling of the importance of love in the relationship. If love is not present the marriage is doomed to fail. While it is true that love ages like wine, there must be love to begin with in order for that love to grow to a deeper level. A marriage based on lust is like a wine without an agent to prevent it from turning to vinegar.

[Shammu]

AMEN beps, and PR.

Hello Greg, and welcome to Christians Unite forum. I will disagree with your post, for the same reasons Blackeyedpeas, and Pastor Roger disagreeded with you.

[Greg F]

Thank you for the welcomes.  I actually agree with the responses to my post, Love is the most important thing for the man to consider in entering into marriage.  Ephesians 5 seems to say to me, as far as marriage goes, that the woman must also consider whether the man is Godly and whether she can truly submit to the particular man and whether she wants to.  The "equally yoked" passage also tells us as well that we all, man and woman, should think about the relationship with Christ of a person before marrying.

"Burning with passion" as Paul put it, is only one of the considerations regarding marriage, but it is a consideration.  I see the love discussed in Ephesians 5 slightly differently than some might, however.  I read it in context with 1 Corinthians 13, in which love is defined for us. Agape love is a decision a Christian makes . . . to be patient, to be kind, not to be envious or boasting or proud, to trust, to hope and to persevere.  This is not the natural state of man or his nature, this is a man acting with God's grace and striving to love as Christ loved.  I worry that we, as Christians, sometimes internally apply the "love" of a Walt Disney cartoon, a Prince and Princess kind of love, a modern romantic concept rather than the Biblical concept. This is particularly true when we discuss romantic relationships. Most of us who are married know that romantic passion does not always make us loving in a 1 Corinthians 13 way . . . it will carry us forward in good and happy times . . . but sickness, finances, and difficulties arise where we must choose love rather than expect it will be an organic and natural response at all times for us.

I think the advice to marry late and develop other things that are socially important instead is actually bad advice for many . . . it puts the young Christian in a morally tempting situation where they are more likely to stumble . . .

[Soldier4Christ]

This depends also on what a person considers as being late or early. I see this as varying from one person to the next. Some may be mature enough in Christ to be ready at the age of 18 or 19 others may not be and those usually end in a disastrous situation. Some try to advocate a marriage as young as 14 or even 12 because they could "not contain themselves". When in all reality many individuals do not even try. Especially so since it is being pushed in our public schools today to do whatever you want with no teaching of the consequences or responsibilities of such actions. Even many churches are not conducting proper teachings in this same manner resulting in people making many mistakes without even trying to stay pure till marriage nor, once married, trying to make that marriage work.