Should the church promote young marriages to deal with sexual immorality?

[Jemdude]

NOTE: I only want Christians to respond to this thread. I do NOT want non-Christians to respond to it since they do not care if sex takes place outside of marriage

This is the most controversial view that I support because both conservative and liberal minded people do not like it.

Conservative minded people support abstinence. There is nothing wrong with abstinence. However, when you ask these people when youth are deemed ready for marriage, they will usually say around the ages of 25-30. I believe this is too long of a time period for many people to wait. If you tell a bunch of teenagers that sex outside of marriage is wrong, and at the same time, say that they won't be ready for marriage until the ages of 25-30, do you really think they will be encouraged wait? Some will, but a lot of them will not. They will just end up engaging in premarital sex thinking to themselves, "Well I am not going to be ready for marriage until several years in the future, so I might as well have some sex now in the meantime".

Liberal minded people believe in "safe sex". That is, as long as a condom is used, it's okay for youth to engage in sex. They acknowledge that youth have sex drives and that many of them do not have the will power to wait several years into the future when society deems them ready for marriage. The problem with this approach is that it compromises Christian teaching that teaches that sex should only take place in marriage. Christians should not have to compromise their faith in order to accommodate their youth's sexual needs. Also, condoms and other forms of birth control are not fool proof. In other words, it helps to reduce the risk or pregnancy and STDs, but they do not eliminate the risk.

What are the reasons why I promote young marriages among Christian youth and young adults? Because it combines the best of both worlds. Because the sexual activity is taking place within marriage, it doesn't compromise Christian teaching. It also promotes monogamy. Also, if they go through a series of premarital counseling and the wedding itself, these young couples might take their relationship more seriously as husband and wife than if there were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Birth control can be used if they don't want children. If you are Catholic, you can use a certain natural method to avoid having children at the woman's fertile times.

The Bible verses that I use to justify this are these:

1 Cor. 7:1-2 (NKJV) says, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and each woman have her own husband."

1 Cor. 7:8-9 (NKJV) says, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Here is what an anonymous former youth pastor has to say on the subject that I saw on another message board:

"I used to be a youth pastor in a large church, and I will tell you why abstinence programs do not work: because God (or if you prefer, Nature) made the human body to reproduce beginning in the teenage years. Around 16 is the healthiest time physically to have a baby; that's also when the hormones telling teenagers to go forth and multiply kick in really hard. To tell a teenager to suppress his or her God-given urges and not have sex till marriage and not get married until they're 25 or 30 is not only utterly unrealistic, it violates the very law that God has put in their hearts.

The church that I was in had the good sense to recognize this and actively promoted young marriages. If a young couple appeared to be getting serious about one another, they were invited to explore their relationship with their parents and the pastors. There was a special 8-week premarital class, and the church made it clear that parents were still expected to help support their married kids while they graduated from high school or college, learned a trade or started a business. Most teen couples continue to live with one set of parents or the other until they could be in financial shape to buy a house, with the parents expected to put up the down payment. And of course having parents around is built-in free child care and marriage counseling.

I'm very happy to say that this program works. I saw probably 10 or 12 teen marriages while I was with this church and only one of them has ended up in divorce. It's amazing what happens when you do things God's way."

Now I need to clarify some possible misunderstandings about what I support:

1) I do NOT support quick marriages. I am referring to Christian young couples who have been seeing each other for at least 2 years and who plan to marry anyway. But instead of putting that marriage off in the far distant future, they might marry after high school graduation.

2) I do NOT support marriages just to have sex. The couple have to sincerely love and care for each other in addition to wanting to have sex with each other or the marriage won't last. Sex may not be the number 1 reason for marriage, but according to one pastor, it is the number 3 reason. So while it's not number 1, it's still one of the most important aspects of marriage. Most people do not marry someone if they have no sexual interest in them.

As I said, I only want Christians respond. I am not interested in arguing with people who find nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage.

Here is an article written by a Catholic priest that supports young marriages. Please read it before responding:
Link

[2nd Timothy]

Hmmm....well...my spiritual knee jerk reaction is no.   I don't think we should promote young teen people getting married in order to prevent premarital sex.   I'm not sure I could make an argument scripturally for that, but its just my off the cuff reaction.

I just don't think God made marriage to alieve our sex drive.   Gods purpose for marriage was far greater than procreation.   Sex was made for marriage, not marriage for sex....(if that makes any sense).  So getting married in order not to sin, misses the larger picture of what marriage is.   Now I know you said that these teens receive pre marriage guidance etc., so I am mindful of that too.    I received pre-marriage counseling before I was married at age 25, and I still probably wasn't ready for marriage though  ....lol    So I don't know that counseling for young teens is going fully prepare someone that age for marriage.

I don't know...I guess I'll just end with I disagree, but thats just my feeling on the subject.   I'm certainly curious to hear from somone with more scriptural understanding in this particular area though.


Blessings!

[Jemdude]

Just to let you all know, in most parts of Canada and the United States, the age of marriage is 18. Marriage with parent's permission is 16.

I'm not saying that everyone has to marry in their teens. They can always wait until their early 20s, but definitely sooner than the typical 25-30 age bracket.

[2nd Timothy]

I'm not saying that some teens aren't ready for marriage.  My remark about being 25 when I got married was just about me personally.  (no comments from the peanut gallery about me being slow again...lol)

I'm just saying that if your seeking matrimony because your hormones are raging, and your looking for a license to sin (so to speak), you might be missing the bigger picture regarding marriage is all.

[Jemidon2004]

i'm 19 and happily married to a great woman. Now did i get married because my hormones were raging, nope. I must say that I don't think the church should "promote" anything first off. (I had to say it, those who know me know i'm analytical) Also, while many say that the age group is around 25-30, i believe it is up to the individuals themselves to decide, not to be influenced by the church into making a decision that for some is pre-mature and reckless. I would have to agree with 2nd Timothy's statements however I will add this. and some may disagree with me on this one, but the basis of a marriage consists of two entities. the man and woman who seek to become one and God. Yes, a biblically married couple will attend church and participate in the body of believers, but I do not think that the body of believers need to be influential in the marriage of teens. Some are ready for marriage, some are not. It also plays into the maturity of the two parties involved, as well as the solidity of their foundation and only with alot of prayer should the two take the necessary steps to become on in the eyes of God. On the issue of the sex before marriage, what does scripture say about the marriage bed being undefiled? Waiting on my bride and saving myself for marriage was the best decision I ever had help in making from God. and i say that because it took alot of prayer and dedication to the Word of God and the rewards continue to manifest themselves. That's all i'm gonna say for right now.

[Soldier4Christ]

I see nothing wrong with marriage at the age of 18 or 19 if the couple is really ready for marriage. As 2T said, not for the reason that their hormones are raging and they can't seem to control them. That would be the argument that an alcoholic would use for drinking, I just can't control myself any longer.

I must disagree with the comment made on abstinence teaching not being effective. In the areas that abstinence programs have been well established it has been proven that unwed pregnancies are down, STD's have decreased, and suicide rates have diminished significantly. Polls taken by groups such as Planned Parenthood have been slanted to obtain the results they want, that of denigrating abstinence until marriage programs in order to substantiate their own program on abortions.

[Shammu]

AMEN, - - 2T, Jemidon, and P.R.

Age is not the issue, I think it is the maturity of each person.  Each of us are different, just like 2T was on the slow side.

Sorry 2T, I couldn't help it..........

[Okie]

Young Marriage? Young by whose standards? In the 30s, many girls were married by the time they were 15. In the 1800's a woman was considered an old maid if she wasn't married by 19. I don't think age has much to do with it. I think society has pushed sex down peoples throats to where it is the main thing on most peoples minds. Nearly every ad you read or see on TV is for something to look younger, feel younger, be slimmer, attract the opposite sex through sight, smell or whatever. We can thank Hollywood for much of this. To try to cover the sin by having a marriage license isn't going to work if they go into the marriage with the idea of "If it doesn't work out , we can always get a divorce." Lets face it folks, America has become a disposable Nation. Instead of fixing and reusing, we throw away and get new. It is sad, but marriage is one of the disposable things anymore. Not as far as God is concerned, but by the people themselves. JMHO

[Soldier4Christ]

That is true. In the same aspect many young folks are not mature enough even and the age of 25-30 in todays world to realize that. One of the causes of this is that children are not being required to be responsible for their own actions. Their is a lack of discipline by the parents, the public schools and even the courts. It is a permissive society that we live in today in many aspects besides just sex and marriage.

[Jemdude]

I believe the article when it says that marriage is not for the mature but for those who will grow into maturity together. In other words, some people need to mature by being in a situation that will help make them mature, as opposed to putting a high age limit on certain things. You also have to take into account that around the age of 35 for women (and 30 for some women), pregnancy at an older age is risky. So you have to take the physical maturity into account too.

In the modern Christian world, abstinence is what is promoted. But in times past and outside North America, they seem more open to the marriage option. I don't see why the churches in North America can't promote young marriages along with abstinence. Do you notice that there are no abstinence programs in the Bible? It is true that the Bible teaches that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but they put a bigger emphasis on marriages than abstinence or celibacy.

There are two Bible ways to deal with sexual temptation. One way is to resist the temptation. The other way is to provide a morally acceptable outlet for sexual needs in the form of marriage; which the Apostle Paul recognized as quoted in the previous scriptures.

I am not saying that a person should marry just for sex. What I am saying is this; for those boyfriends and girlfriends who have been seeing each other for 2 or more years who are struggling to say faithful to God in the area of sexual morality, it might be better if they married earlier than to put off the marriage at some long future date and risk sinning against God.

[Soldier4Christ]

I agree with you somewhat on this Jemdude. When speaking of maturity we must realize that there is a difference in such. There is a maturity in years and there is a maturity in spirit. Although we will never attain full spiritual maturity as long as we are here on earth there is a need for a certain amount of it in order for a marriage to have even a glimmer of hope of surviving. There must be a strong base to begin with. Without a strong foundation to build on the building will simply collapse at the first sign of a storm.

As for an abstinence program in the Bible it is there in the teachings. Abstinence in marriage is spoken of quite clearly. It isn't called such (Abstinence Program) but it is there all the same. This program was included in the teachings of the Church and the teaching of the young people.

[barelahh]

Chiming in here,
as far as young marraiges, i would be opposed to such based on the fact that most young people are not mature enough for it.  i have raised 6 kids. I have been through the teenager years where they come in all upset and ready for blood when someone talks about them behind their backs when in all reality they should say whatever, its not true and it doesn't matter.

I have one grandson, and i told my son and my grandsons mother that they should not get married based on some simple reasons.  one is, that my son is a Marine in the marine corp. he is married to the corp right now.  She would never be willing to share him with the mistress of the Corp.
Second reason is he drinks because he is in the corp. Its something that basically all marines do because of boredom.  They are stuck in a base at peacetime or between battles and they get bored and all that is around there for them to do is drink.  i told her don't marry him unless he is willing to give up the alchohol.
third reason is He isn't ready to settle down even though he has a son.  He takes care of his son but he's not ready.
Fourth but most important reason is if they do not love each other they have no business getting married.  that only ends in disaster.  it might last 1 year, 2 years or even 16 years. But its doomed to failure if you don't love the other person and get married with the reasoning that you will fall in love over time. That is a fantasy.
Another thing that is wrong is to get marreid because a girl is pregnant.  thats just plain idiotic because no love means no chance.
last of all, if there anything like two of my other kids, no careeers nothing but min wage jobs as they get them, they cannot support a family, and I personally disagree with the article on the parents supporting them.  I raised my kids and at 18 their adults and on their own. I am not going to support them and their spouse and their kids.  I have done my time.  DOn't get me wrong, i love them but they seriously try a parents patience between 13 and 18.

[Keltoi]

I would have to say no.   Some people will suggest that abstinence education doesn't work, and in many instances it doesn't, but we don't need more children growing up in a broken home.   Statistically, those who get married too early are more likely to seek a divorce before 2 years.   Abstinence might not be popular or even all that effective, but that is what is necessary both morally and religiously.

[Brother Jerry]

There are just a couple of things that I may add to this discussion.

As far as abstinence is concerned.  I would like to point you towards two examples.  Jesus and Paul.  We all know Jesus was without wife, and so was Paul.  Paul spoke of the marriage and it's position with God and sex within the marriage, but yet he remained without a wife.  I know there are more but those are the two big ones.

As far as physical maturity again I can point to two.  Sarah and Elizabeth.  Both well past their "prime" and yet the Lord saw fit to bless them with children.  It does not matter the age, if it is in God then Gods will be done. 

As it was stated earlier "Sex was made for marriage, not marriage for sex."  God saw fit that we would have to procreate.  And God instituted marriage to be the vessel for that.  And God blessed us in that He did make the act of procreating something that is pleasurable.  And then man has taken that and perverted it and placed that as an idol right up there with money.

I was finally married when I was 27.  I had back in high school had a sweet heart that we dated for just over 2 years.  We had dreams of getting married...but then we started to grow up and we matured away from each other.  (A shame cause she has money now    ).  Another I was engaged and with that girl for just over 2 years.  She could not handle me being in the Navy.  I do not blame her.  Then I met my wife.  And all that God had for me became clear.  I knew that I had not matured enough before and was not ready for marriage.  But then I was.
So don't worry 2T....I was even slower

So it is all dependent upon the people involved.  I have seen high school sweethearts that have lasted for quite some time.  And I have seen the same broken up within the first couple of years...and usually after at least one child. 

I believe that our churches should be teaching the Bible.  Which teaches we must never let our physical or emotional urges get in the way of doing God's will.  And if God's will is to be married at an early age then He will let all involved know it.  If it is to wait until He has made us ready then so be it.  Submission to God first, and only after that can we truly submit unto our spouses in a Godly manner and allow Jesus to rule in our homes.

I also believe that our churches should also engage in pre-marital counseling for ANY couple who wishes to attend.  This could be open for those that are simply dating, on up to those that are engaged.  This counseling should again be Biblically based and to show how we are to focus on God first, even before our spouses.  And if we do that then God will truly bless our marriage. 

[Jemdude]

I am not saying that sex is the number 1 reason for marrying, but it's still one the top reasons for marrying. For example, if you love and care for someone of the opposite sex deeply, but have no sexual interest in that person, would you marry that person? The answer is no. Such a person would make a good friend, but you would not make such a person your wife or husband. So don't underestimate the importance of sex in a marriage.

From my search on the internet, the young marriage option seems popular among the Muslim community. It's interesting that both Christians and Muslims abhor sex outside of marriage, but at the same time, have different primary ways of dealing with the problem.