Laughter - Good Medicine

[Shammu]

It was a sunny afternoon when Bob said to George,Hey, George, why don't we get ourselves 2 horses? We could ride them in the summer and in the winter we could put them in the paddock behind the house." George thought it was a great idea, so the next day they went out and bought themselves 2 horses. They rode them in the summer, but when winter came George got worried. He said "Hey, Bob, how are we going to tell them apart next spring?" Bob said, "Well, I'll shave the mane off mine and you shave the tail off yours." This satisfied George, so he did. The next spring when they went back to get their horses they found the horses' hair had all grown back. Alarmed, George said, "Oh great, now how are we going to tell them apart?" and Bob said, "Well, you can have the black one and I'll take the white one."

[Shammu]

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to bloody walk home."

[nChrist]

       Dreamweaver - Thanks for the laughs!

All I have to respond with is a few groaners.
__________________________

3 COPS

Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.
God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force."

The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty."

The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"

[nChrist]

Permit Required

While driving home from work one day, I was eating an apple. It wasn't until I tossed the core out the window that the police car came up behind me. The officer pulled me over, and as I was getting out my license, I joked that I was helping to clean up the roadside. The core would become a home for ants, which would pick up tiny bits of litter.

I was amazed he was nodding in agreement until he said, "So let's see your building permit."

[nChrist]

(Old - but good)

BUBBA

Bubba was at the police station explaining to the officer why his cousin shot him.

"We wuz havin' us a real good time drinkin'," he explained, "when my cousin Billy Bob picked up his rifle and asked us fellas if we wanna go a huntin'."

"Okay," then what happened?" the officer asked.

"That's when I stood up and said, 'Sure. I'm game'!"

[nChrist]

THE BUST

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her left breast hanging out.
A cop spotted her and walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"But why, Officer?" she asked.

"Well ma'am, because your left breast is hanging out of your blouse," he replied.

She quickly looked down and exclaimed, "Oh my, I left the baby on the bus!"

[nChrist]

LEROY THE PARTY ANIMAL

Leroy was spotted driving along the highway at a steady speed, when he suddenly indicated right and pulled off onto the shoulder. He quickly jumped out of the car and opened the trunk. From a large bag, he produced a party hat, streamers, a bottle of lemonade, sandwiches and a cake. After eating the food and drinking the lemonade, he launched into a little Irish jig.

The whole proceedings lasted about fifteen minutes, after which he got back in his car and drove off.
Curious, the police followed him at a distance and half an hour later, they saw him stop and repeat the whole procedure. This was too much for the officers, so they decided to check him out.

"Can we ask you the reason for all the stops and the food, drink and Irish jigs?" one of the officers asked.

"Well, sir," explained Leroy, "I'm on the company's outin'."

"But you're the only one here," argued the officer.

"Yeah, I know," replied Leroy. "I'm self-employed!"

[nChrist]

Ten Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation


10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren.

9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested.

8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar.

7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.

6. He talks to himself.  Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop".

5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.

4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.

3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids.

2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.

1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

[nChrist]

DUI

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[nChrist]

(Old one but good one)

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

[nChrist]

In Hot Pursuit

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.

"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"

The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."

"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"

The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."

[nChrist]

Bubba & Earl

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."

[nChrist]

THE WORLD'S WORST COP JOKE

Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer.

One man applied for the job but he had no arms.

"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.

"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.

BONG!!!

"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"

"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police officer asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"

Quasimodo came out and said...

"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

[Shammu]

Groaning at some of Black eyed peas jokes......................

Redneck Limousine

[Shammu]

Stolen Toilet