What is "Gossip"?

[sincereheart]

The Anatomy of Gossip
November 13, 2001
"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification." Romans 14:19 (NIV)

Galen (c. 130-200 A.D.) was an ancient Greek physician who cast a long shadow over the late Roman Empire and the Middle Ages. For well over a thousand years, Galen's descriptions of the inner workings of the human body were upheld as authoritative by European and Islamic scholars.

There was a problem, however: Galen had never once dissected a human body! Because dissection of humans was forbidden in his day, Galen's descriptions of the internal workings of human beings were based almost exclusively on his dissections of pigs. It wasn't until the sixteenth century that the work of Vesalius exposed Galen's unwarranted anatomical leap from pigs to humans and gave birth to the modern science of human anatomy.

Before we come down too hard on Galen, though, we should look at ourselves for a moment. If we do, we'll see that we also can make unwarranted leaps based on insufficient or false information. Just think back, for example, to a time when you heard some information about a certain person second- or third-hand, passed it on to others, and then later found out that the information was dead wrong.

Gossip's main purpose is to spread misery. It's certainly not to build people up or minister to them in the name of Jesus. A gossip's wake is littered by damaged families and broken relationships: "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends" (Prov. 16:28).

As Christians, we're called to put the brakes on the spread of gossip. And not only gossip about people we know, but also gossip about those we don't know. Like others, I've been guilty of spinning pretty little stories about certain political figures, even though I had no proof that what I was saying even resembled the truth. I foolishly thought that spreading gossip would make me more popular.

How about you? Are you modeling God's standard of truthfulness and honesty? Are you known as someone who confronts gossip? Or do you pass it on with a few added details of your own?

If you have a weakness in this area, bring it before the Lord and ask trustworthy members of your church to help hold you accountable. As you move beyond gossiping about others, you'll find more time to show them the unconditional love of Jesus. And you might just make a few new friends in the process.

— Matt Donnelly, for the ChristianityToday.com staff
http://www.christianitytoday.com/free/connection/2001/conn1113.html

[sincereheart]

Gentle Shepherd Ministries

Overcoming Attacks Of Gossip

Have you ever wondered why some people find pleasure in gossip? Gossip is one of the most destructive things that the devil uses to kill, steal and destroy.


It is such a shame, but Christians in churches who gossip cause people to stop going to church. Some may never recover, and the ones who have gossiped and maligned others, will have to stand before God one day and
answer to what they have done. I pity them..

It seems that the sin of gossip is the most common tool the devil uses on those who call themselves Christians. They may be, but they are not walking in the Spirit when they gossip. They are causing divisions, In their heart lives strife, jealousy and anger, and most of all, they are selfish, for they do not
care what happens to the other person they are gossiping about.

Galatians 6:18-21 But if you are led by the Spirit, you
are under the law. The acts of a sinful nature are obvious. Sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; Idolatry,
fits of rage, selfish ambitions, dissension, fractions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, And the like. I warn you, as I did
before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Sometimes, for no apparent reason, there will be someone who just does not like you, and they will gossip and get great
pleasure spreading ugly rumors about you. You will probably spend a lot of energy and waste time trying to let people know that the gossip is a lie. But alas, you will find that the harder you try, the worse the situation becomes. If you are being gossiped about, being victimized by slanderous lies, I do hope that you will resist the temptation to strike back verbally.

Psalm 141:3 Set a watch on my mouth O Lord. Before My mouth keep the door of my lips.

Do as David did, Ask God to intervene on your behalf, and make sure that you too do not become a participate in slander, PRAY! For God to set watch over your mouth and Keep it shut. Keep in mind that Jesus said "Love your
enemies, Bless them that curse you, Do Good to them which despitefully use you And persecute you" (Matthew 5:44)

Then be confident that God will Supernaturally intervene on your behalf And set matters right.

Psalm 140:12 I know the LORD will maintain the cause
Of the afflicted, and the right of the poor.

Pray also for the Lord to put snares, out Before the enemy and catch them in their own trap, for I have prayed this many
times ,and I have seen God intervene supernaturally. The Lord will have compassion on you, For he loves you.

http://www.my.homewithgod.com/mygentleshepherd/page5.html

[sincereheart]

SOMEBOY SAID THAT SOMEBODY SAID

Somebody said that somebody said
Trouble was caused and suspicion fed
Somebody passed on an idle word
Somebody repeated what someone had heard

There has been many a broken heart
Many a marriage has come apart
Many relationships have been changed
Many a neighbor become estranged

In many a home where peace once reigned
Affection and loyalty have been strained
And many a life is incomplete
All because someone was indiscreet

Many a friendship has been wrecked
Through gossip unfounded and unchecked
Mischief was made and a rumor spread
Somebody said that somebody said

~Unknown

[sincereheart]

Gossip in church
Few things are as enticing as finding out secrets. It is the main task of the media, finding out things and telling others.
"For the good of the people."
"We have a right to know."
"So you can pray for him."

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.
Proverbs 18:8
 
I have been the subject of a nasty little gossip ring. Four people I thought were my friends were trading rumours about me. When I confronted one of them, she said it was because they were "concerned" about me. They were so concerned that they couldn’t pick up the phone or write a letter, drop round to see me or send an email. They were more concerned with spreading what they thought were my guilty secrets. Never mind that their "news" was bad guesses showing the situation in the worst possible light, or that their guesses were completely wrong. Never mind that none of these people had even seen me in several weeks. They were "concerned."

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:7-8

More insidious than an outright lie is the lie or guess wrapped around a truth. The truth is used to validate the gossip’s interpretation of the facts as the whole truth. Gossip can contain truth ("She hasn’t been in church for a month") wrapped in guesses ("because she’s given up on God"), but that doesn’t make it true.

When gossip spreads, the victim is hurt, betrayed and ridiculed. Few gossips have the courage or decency to tell their victim what is going on. Most of us find out by accident. Gossips do not care about who they’re hurting. If they did care, they would try to help or point out our errors and mistakes to us personally, not just talk to other people about their "concerns" for us.

Christians can be as bad as non Christians. The Christian gossip may claim they are spreading their news so people can "pray for" the victim, so that "we know what kind of person" he or she is, because they are "so concerned about him/her."

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
James 1:26

Gossip hurts. Trust is destroyed, feelings trampled. So what do you do when someone tries to pass you the latest "news?" A simple question can expose a gossip:

"Does s/he know you’re saying this?"

Nine times out of ten, the victim has no idea. The gossip will bluster and swear that they were personally recruited by him/her to spread the "news" to all and sundry. The only honest thing to do next is go to the victim and let them know what’s going on. They will be understandably hurt and upset. But if you say nothing, the gossip will continue.

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
Proverbs 11:13

If you are the victim, you need to confront the gossips. Writing a letter is a good method because you get to rewrite it as many times as you need. Tell them you know they are gossiping, and you are hurt by their actions. You may be able to shame them into stopping. They may just carry on. If they do, follow the directions of Matthew 18: 15-20. Confront individually, then in company, then with an authority figure. But don’t stoop to their level. And forgive them.

When I say forgive, I don’t mean forget. We cannot wipe memories from our minds. They hurt you, and proved how trustworthy they really are. So forgive them, and then be careful who you trust and who you talk to.

If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
James 3:1
 
No-one on this earth is perfect. But there is no excuse for gossip.

Copyright © 2000 Alison Hawke
http://www.gospelcom.net/cdp/articles/gossip.htm

[sincereheart]

BIBLE MEDITATION: “Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.” 1 Peter 3:16

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT: Have you ever been criticized? Maybe blamed for something you didn’t do? Or been unjustly slandered? You are not alone. Jesus was the whipping boy of much criticism and slander in His day. Was He worried? No. You too, must not worry when others speak falsely. Just give that to the Lord. Author/Pastor Peter Lord told me one day, “When anybody says anything bad about me, I just say, ‘Thank God they don’t know any more.’ ” Jesus tells us, “When they criticize you, just roll that over onto Me. I understand and I am in charge. You just trust in Me.”

ACTION POINT: Lift up your hands as a gesture of giving to God all of those people who have criticized or judged you over the years. Ask Him to forgive them. Ask Him to give you grace and strength to love them.

[Symphony]

Gossip seems to be just about anything we are saying about someone else.

Is "news" gossip?

What distinguishes "news" from gossip?

[Reba]

What is gossip?  

 most prayer chains  

 ladies tuesday afternoon prayer meeting  

 behind the back emails  

 ******************

I think most of us know when we have crossed the line between news and gossip  

[Symphony]

Wow, Reba:  "Most prayer chains".  

Hmmm.

And Tuesday afternoon prayer meeting.


   I guess that's why I don't go to much of any of it.  

It's all kinda scary, actually.  I find it all very scary.

[sincereheart]

Gossip seems to be just about anything we are saying about someone else.

Is "news" gossip?

What distinguishes "news" from gossip?

"News" does just seem to be "gossip" anymore! The days of 'unbiased' reporting seem to be long gone! No more sharing facts - now it's just opinions....

I think of 'gossip' as making someone else's business your own with no helpful intent!  

The 'prayer chains' are guilty of that too often!   "Let's pray for XXXXXX since he/she XXXXXX"!   Seems like too many folks want to be the first to 'know' the juicy stuff and can show it by adding it to the prayer list!  

Seems like every time I'm on a forum someone gets mad at someone else and starts the IM/PM behind the back to find sympathetic ears. No one goes to the person and just asks them. They take an angry person's diatribe as 'fact' and form a 'judgement' based on that ... and never wonder if there's another side.  

But thankfully we have a Savior who KNOWS the truth!  

[sincereheart]

Part I
DEALING WITH GOSSIP

There are, generally, three ways in which we discover we are in some form of conflict: (1) we realize that we hold something against another (Matt. 18:12-35); (2) we realize another holds something against us (Matt. 5:21-26); and (3) we discover, or are being drawn into, a conflict of others.

Now, conflict is neither good nor bad, but neutral. It exists because we are sinners -- seekers of self-interest, in rebellion against God's ways. And we live in a fallen world. But because it exists, it must be brought under the Lordship of Christ.

In the Bible, and the life of Christ, God has given us instruction on how to deal with conflict so He will be glorified. These conflicts have the ability to prove the accuracy of Rom. 8:28: that even sinful things can be turned to God's glory when we deal with them according to His plan. This article will deal with how we are to behave when someone begins to, often unintentionally, draw us into the conflict of others.

Gossip is a means by which we are often drawn into the conflicts of others. We need to know what it is and how to deal with it biblically. It is critical for the Church, individual Christians, and Christian leaders, to know the part gossip plays in conflict, for gossip causes great division in our churches.

First, let's define gossip. Webster says: "Idle talk and rumors about others; chatter." The Greek word in the New Testament is defined "whisperer" (one who will not speak openly or aloud). The Old Testament Hebrew word meant "slanderer or tale-bearer".

I want to propose the following as a definition: "Gossip is the vocalization of potentially destructive things about another, whether true or false, when that other person is either specifically identified or readily identifiable, and when that other person is not present and able to respond."

You may believe this definition is too broad. Please reserve such a judgment until we look at how God views gossip, and how He instructs us to deal with it.

What does God think about gossips?

He tells us to not associate with gossips: "He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets; Therefore, do not associate with a gossip." (Prov. 20:19)

God lists gossip alongside people who: do not acknowledge God; have a depraved mind; are full of unrighteousness, slander, wickedness, greed, malice, murder, strife, deceit, and envy; who hate God; are insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and people who approve such things. (Rom. 1:28-32)

In short, God hates gossip. Gossip is an unmistakable evil, reprehensible and detestable -- an abomination. But, why?

Gossip is always making an accusation against another. Prov. 3:30 says: "Do not contend with a man without cause, if he has done you no harm." We need to understand that an accusation against another must be made to the person themselves, within the process of Matt. 18:12-35.

Gossip reveals things God would rather see kept secret. Prov. 11:13 says: "He who goes about as a tale-bearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter."

Gossip is just an outlet for hatred. Prov. 10:12 says: "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions."

Worst of all, gossip causes division. Prov. 12:18 says: "There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Prov. 16:28 says: "A perverse man spreads strife and a slanderer separates intimate friends." Pro. 17:9 adds: "He who covers (does not repeat) a transgression promotes love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends."

Gossip causes offenses. It will separate because the one who gossips must now justify and defend their sin of gossip, preventing them from dealing with other sins in their life. The victim of gossip gets angry and bitter and senses having been wronged, which prevents them from receiving admonition about areas of their life which may need change. Each person becomes, as is shown in Prov. 18:19: "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle."

Gossip keeps conflict going, and peace away: "For lack of wood the fire goes out, where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down." (Prov. 26:20)

But there are people who are just as bad as a gossip, although you find no direct references to them in Scripture. The people I am speaking about might be called "listening posts". They are the people who allow the gossiper to gossip. They can terminate gossip and lessen its negative impact if they know how to recognize gossip, and deal with a gossiper. I am afraid that "they" are "us".

There are other people just as bad as a gossiper, although, again, you find no ready reference to them in Scripture. They might be called "rejecters", or possibly "condemners". They are people who allow gossip to separate them from another person or, as a result of gossip, deal unrighteously with another person. They choose up sides without knowledge. They also must know how to recognize gossip and deal with a gossiper. "They" are also "us".

We need to realize that: (1) God has provided instruction on how to deal with conflicts; and, (2) the act of gossip is an act done outside of that process. That is why merely speaking words about the actions or inactions of another person which harm the image of that person, except in furtherance of God's restorative process (Matt. 18:15-17) is sin, even if we speak truth.

And listening to the words of gossip, except when participating in God's process, is also sin.

Finally, acting upon what we hear and then cutting off our relationship from another is also sin -- and possibly the worst sin of the three.

God's process for dealing with disputes, in its simplest form, is that any person who discovers that they have a dispute with another, or believes another is in sin, must, at once, seek out the other -- regardless of who is at fault -- and attempt to resolve the dispute and become reconciled in relationship (Matt 5:21-26 and Matt. 18:12-35). This is more important to God than being in church or giving an offering.

It is to be done with an eye to restoration of relationship of each person to God, and to one another. It is to be done because we are sinners saved only by His grace (Matt. 5:22), who were straying sheep for whom He died (Matt. 18:12-14) and we have been forgiven more than any other could possibly owe us (Matt. 18:21-35).

If this were practiced, in right manner and attitude, there would never be gossip, for matters would be "covered" between the people directly involved, or they would be brought before witnesses in Matt. 18:16.

So, how should we deal with gossip?

If someone (Party #1) gossips to you, it automatically means they have a conflict with another (Party #2). Gossip always discloses the existence of a conflict. When #1 gossips to you, they are doing so because: (a) they want you to empathize with them in a sense of victimization, anger and bitterness; and, (b) they want you to alter your relationship with #2.

Thus when #1 begins to gossip to you -- to give you information about #2 which you have no need to know -- interrupt! Then, open the Scriptures to #1, at Matt. 5 or Matt. 18, and ask them if they have spoken personally to #2 about whatever it is that they feel needs to be dealt with. Explain the evils of gossip.

[sincereheart]

Part II

At this point, #1 will say either "no" or "yes". If "no", speak to them about the need for them to go to #2 and confront the matter which is causing them so much concern that they are gossiping about it. Explain to #1 that if they have gossiped to others about this, they must confess that sin to #2 (Jas. 5:16), ask forgiveness, and that this must be done before they can begin to speak to #2 about their concerns. #1 also needs to go to those to whom they gossiped and ask forgiveness for making them listening posts. Say to #1 that you will ask them, within a week, what they have done with your admonition and instruction.

Or, let's assume that when you stop #1 in the midst of their gossip, they repent, they have not spread this to others, and they received it in gossip. Then they need not go to #2, but they ought to go to the one from whom they received the gossip, ask forgiveness for receiving the gossip, and teach that person what that person needs to do.

Let's assume that the week goes by, you ask #1, and they have not gone and made things right. Let's also assume that the matter is something which needs to be set right. For example, we may discuss open and public actions or words of another person as a learning process, without being gossips (as Paul discussed matters concerning Peter in the letter to the Galatians, and also discussed the acts of the man in I Cor. 5). In such a discussion, however, statements without foundation may not be made, nor judgments of heart or motive cast about.

Well, #1 has done nothing. Your next move is to explain to #1 that your relationship with them is now a relationship within Matt. 18:15-17a. Explain to them of the desperate need for them to get this matter right with God. Exhort them. Maybe offer to go with them to #2. But also explain to them that if they persist in not being obedient to the Word, you may have to gather others to come and confront them -- Matt. 18:16.

You now have the right (not necessarily obligation) -- in manner, speed and spirit as directed by the Holy Spirit -- to move up the ladder of Matt. 18:15-17a in confronting #1 of their sin. The sin of #1 is unrepentance concerning their gossip.

Now, let's move back to your first confrontation with #1, and assume that they say that they have gone to #2, and that it did no good. Commend them for their action, but explain to them that you, and others, still do not need any information about the issues between #1 and #2; that is, #1's telling you of this matter is still gossip. Explain to #1 that he/she now has two choices: (1) move up the Matt. 18 ladder with #2; or (2) overlook the matter and let it go, having exercised the role of watchman (Ezekiel 33).

Should #1 want you to go with them to #2, as a "witness" (Matt. 18:16), agree. But to go as a witness, you still do not need any information other than the fact that #1 has a dispute with #2, and needs people to help bring peace.

Let's assume that #1 says they have taken one or two and #2 is still not listening and continuing in their sinful behavior. What do you then do?

Ask for the names of the witnesses of Matt. 18:16. Ask if the matter has been told to a church. You still do not need information on the issues involved from #1, but you may -- particularly if you are in relationship with #2 -- want to confirm with the witnesses that there was a meeting and #2 did not listen.

If the witnesses do confirm, you can then become an exhorter to #2 to make matters right because you do have a relationship with them. You may need to modify your relationship with #2, not because of the underlying issues between #1 and #2, but because #2 does not heed your exhortation. You may want to try to get #1, #2, and the witnesses to all meet with leaders of the church to discuss the matter further (Matt. 18:17).

Please note that in this process you never alter relationship with #2 until #2 shows unwillingness to proceed further in the biblical process of conflict resolution. Also note that your relationship with #1 is also dependent upon their accepting your instruction and admonition. In short, if you practice this process there is no danger of your ever picking up a dog by its ears (Pro. 26:17), for you will never "meddle" -- pass the bounds of reasonableness. You will always be on God's side.

There are two other things which you can initially do. Each of these has a risk attached to it. The first, and less risky, is to become a constant exhorter of both parties to get together and resolve the matter (Matt. 18:15). You exhort them to agree upon some others to help them (Matt. 18:16), or even to get them to agree to have some others decide the dispute for them and tell them what they are to do (I Cor. 6:5). The risk is obvious: you may lose two friends. But there is no great spiritual risk to you.

The other thing, which also risks loss of friendships, also has a spiritual risk to you. You may become a counselor to #1. The risk is that you become subverted to #1's position, lose all objectivity and neutrality, help #1 continue in sin by failing to confront their wrongs, make #1's offense against #2 your own, and wrong #2 by altering your relationship with them. Then you have the dog by its ears!

Let's assume that from reading this you have been convicted of being guilty of gossip, or of being a listening-post, or of altering your relationship with another because gossip influenced you. Go to the one from whom you received the gossip, ask them to forgive you for receiving it, and share these thoughts with them. Go to anyone to whom you gossiped, ask them to forgive you, and share these thoughts with them. Go to any person who was the object of your gossip and ask them to forgive you, offering to go with them to the one with whom they have conflict (thus helping undo the wrong you have participated in).

As you take these steps, you give God the opportunity to turn your sins of the past into good for His glory -- Rom. 8:28 -- and all who become aware of your acts of repentance will be bettered for those acts.

William D. Bontrager, J.D.
1710 C.R. 121, Hesperus, CO 81326 970-259-3384
wdb@frontier.net
http://www.shepherdsforpeace.com/writings/GOSSIP.php

[sincereheart]

WAIT TILL YOU HEAR WHAT I HEARD! (Gossip)
Sermon Page
TEXT:  Jas. 3:2-10.
INTRODUCTION:
1.  All of us know what usually follows the statement "Wait till you hear what I heard..."
2.  Other things you might hear,  "Don't tell her I told you but,"  "Do you know what she      said about you..."  I am not sure about this but..."
3.  Gossip is a sin of otherwise good Christians- 2 Cor. 12:20.
4.  Certain excitement and fun in gossiping- Prov. 18:8 "The words of a talebearer are     like tasty trifles and they go down into the inmost body."
WHY IS GOSSIP WRONG?
I.  Gossip Destroys Reputations-
A.       Ecc. 7:1 "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth."
B.       1 Sam. 18:30b "David behaved more wisely than all the servants of Saul, so that his name became highly esteemed."
C.  Notice the emphasis placed on a good name in the New Testament.
               1.  Acts 6:3 "men of good reputation".

               2.  Acts 10:22 Cornelius.

               3.  Acts 22:12 Ananias who came to Saul.
D.  A good name takes years to build and a few seconds to destroy.
II.  The Spirit of Gossip is Wrong Even if the Information is True.
A.       Prov. 11:13 "A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter."
B.  Ecc. 3:7b "A time to keep silence and a time to speak."
C.       Prov. 10:19a "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking."
D.       Prov. 20:19 "He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips."
E.  If they talk about others to you they will talk to others about you.
F.      Prov. 25:9-10 "Debate your case with your neighbor himself and do not disclose the secret to another.  Lest he who hears it expose your shame and your reputation be ruined."
III.  Gossip Unfairly Pre-judges.
       A.  Matt. 7:1.
       B.  Gossip only get one side of the story, not allowed in courts!
IV.  Gossip Protects the Source More Than the Victim.  
       A.  "A reliable source said. . ."
       B.       "I can't tell you who told me."  Usually a good sign you should not listen to this person.
V.  Gossip Violates the Rule of Love.  
       A.  "We need to put the best possible interpretation on what is said or done."
       B.  That's the way I want others to do for me- Matt. 7:12.
       C.  What is the rule of love- 1 Cor. 13:1-3.
VI..  Gossip Ignores Context.
       A.       Anyone con be taken out of context and made to say something they did not mean.
       B.  Most gossip starts this way.
VII.  Gossip is Self-motivated.  
       A.  "If I can make you look worse than me, then I won't look so bad."
       B.  2 Cor. 10:12.  We are to compare ourselves to the Bible not each other.
VIII.  Gossip Disobeys God.
       A.  Lev. 19:16; "You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people."
       B.       Ps. 15:1-3; "Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle?  Who may dwell in Your holy hill?  He who walks uprightly and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart; He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend.
       C..  Eph. 4:31- Evil speaking.
       D.  Tit. 3:1-2 Speak evil of no one.
       E.  Jas. 4:11 Do not speak evil of a brother.
 Conclusion:
A.  Do not get started in this vicious habit of gossiping.
B.  It starts in the heart- Matt. 15:19.
C.       Prov. 26:20 "Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.
D.  If you have been involved in this sin you need to repent.
http://www.wtcoc.com/Sermons/s236.html

[sincereheart]

The Three Breeds of Gossip

By Richard Krejcir

Into Thy Word -
 
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue, without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down." (Proverbs 17:27-28; 26:20)

The Bible is directing us to restrain our speech. A wise person controls their tongue; what they say and how they say it. The Bible goes on to say that people who spread gossip have malicious intentions as much as the people who start the gossip in the first place. This malice leads to the destruction of property and persons, just as bad as a fire would destroy a home or a church.

The important lesson we must learn is the church is not a building, but the people of God who just use the building to meet in. Too many churches think the building is the most important thing of God, and miss the point of what it is for.

Remember this important truth; when our focus is to be mean to each other and find fault with each other, all we accomplish is the shooting of ourselves. Because we all are partakers and participants of the body of Christ, so we're just shooting parts of our own body. We are taking something Holy of God, such as using prayer and relationships to spread gossip, thus we turn prayer into slander and misinformation for a very un-holy agenda, which does nothing to further the Kingdom of God.

Gossip has three breeds, or three different levels. Separating these three levels can be as hard as separating the chocolate chips out of a cookie. It is extremely hard to do without disturbing the cookie! So it is with our mislaid words.

First: Is the "chit chat" we all do. "Did you hear that the Chaedwicks are moving" or "Steve 's parents gave him a new car for Ground Hog Day." This is basic information without harmful intent, but we must be careful what we say and how we say it!

Second: Gets stickier; "Did you hear that Debby's parents are fighting again" or "Have you heard that Kevin is in a real bad mood, so just ignore him." This may not be mean or vindictive, but this tells a story of someone's character that may not be true. And we will base our judgments on false and misleading information.

Third: Is slander! Maliciously telling or repeating a tale that may or may not be true to tear someone down. "Do not go near Patty, she is weird and nobody likes her" or "The new family is only here because the father lost his job and they had to move, and his parents have lots of money." This third level of gossip destroys people's reputations and betrays secrets that are not meant for our ears. This level prevents friendships and takes potentially good relations and destroys them, doing exactly what Satan wants!

This third level is slander, and God hates it!!! Webster's Dictionary tells us slander is, "the utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage reputations." This may be viewed as ordinary conversations during lunch, or at the water cooler, but make no mistake, slander seeks to distort and to destroy! It tears down the people of God, where our call is to build them up!

"The Disease of Diotrephes"

"I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church. Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God. Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone--and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true." (III John 9-12)

Diotrephes had a reign of tyranny through gossip and slander in the name of Christ. John makes a strong and decisive stand against gossip. John is representing not only his apostleship, but mainly the authoritative presence of Christ. The presence of Christ is a stern warning, and a loving encouragement for us, that we must replace the temptation of spreading gossip and replace it with the love of Christ.

We get 6 negative and destructive themes from this passage that should act like a brick wall to our slanderous remarks:

1. "Who loves to be first": Christ first loves us, He goes first. Why do people want to be first? Because we want to be a god to ourselves, and God of the universe keeps getting in the way. Yet He loves us first.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped." (Philp 2:3-6)

How can we develop this attitude in Philippians? Should Christians have a 'me first' attitude? Instead of trying to be first, we should place Christ first, and then gossip will fall aside.

2. "He would have nothing to do with us": The "us" is the people of faith in Christ. Have you ever experienced someone having nothing to do with you? Did this experience happen when you did something right and your friends, or co-workers were upset, perhaps because they felt betrayed? Maybe they wanted to go out drinking and you turned them down. Perhaps a friend wanted to do something stupid and you tried to talk them out of it, and they got mad at you. Maybe it was you who tried to pressure a friend to do something wrong and they got mad at you!

We must ask ourselves; Diotrephes rejected the truth of an Apostle; how do we reject the truth of our Lord and Savior?

3. "To what he is doing, gossiping maliciously": Have you known people who just love to gossip? People who have the nose for the news of others, but with a perverted intent. They do not want the news to help and encourage them, but to put them down. How does this make you feel; perhaps you are hurt by it, or you get excited about it. But how does your Lord feel about it, and how does He feel about your response toward gossip? What would your church be like if everyone was encouraging to everyone else, regardless of what may have gone on before. Regardless if we like them or not, because we are responding to Christ's love. Remember God loves us first. So if God first loves us and we do not deserve it, should we not do the same to each other?

4. "He refuses to welcome the brothers": Do you know people who just are not hospitable, they are disrespectful, condescending, or ignore new people. These people have bad attitudes and do not like certain people, so they decide to be mean. How does this make you feel? Have you ever experienced such treatment? Have you witnessed it happening in school, work, home, or even church? Maybe you are the one who is mean to others, maybe you do not even know you are doing it, if so, what can you do about it?

5. "He also stops those who want to do so": Can you imagine that someone in the name of Christ is stopping other Christians from following Christ's character! Do you or do you know others who stop people from doing the right thing? How do they keep others from doing what is right? Check out James 4:17! How can you be an encourager instead of a gossiper?

6. "And puts them out of the church": Diotrephes was on the warpath, he actually got rid of people who were faithful to Christ, because they got in his way. In my experience there is nothing a child of the Devil hates more than a child of God. If you are a faithful Christian you can expect people to come against you, even other Christians. But God is on the side of the faithful and true and not on the side of those who cause division and destruction. So take comfort in His grace, for He will be with you and they will get what is coming in the end. How can our church practice discipline? So are you ever a Diotrephes? Are there Diotrephes in your group or church? Check out I Corinthians 5:1-5 & Matthew 18:15-17. What can we do, how can we be encouragers and attractive to each other, including visitors?


R.J. Krejcir 1998, 2001
excerpt from the upcoming book ‘Pew Sitting’
www.intothyword.com

[sincereheart]

[Butterflies]

I've heard it said that some people are "transmitters" and some are "receivers".  This cartoon really showed that concept in a real way.  It's unfortunate that we all know people like this major transmitter.  May we all have a servant's heart and have "big ears" to listen but also discernment to know when to speak up to tell people we don't want to hear gossip.  I wish I had done that more in the past.  Too many times our conversations are about other people and not about sharing our faith.