SHOULD I KEEP IT SECRET???

[GKB]

IF A HUSBAND WAS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE AND YOU KNEW ABOUT IT, WOULD YOU TELL THE WIFE???

[LittlePilgrim]

My parents were divorced when I was eight years of age, due to my father's continuing infidelity. I cannot tell you what kind of pain that causes.
I do not know that I would tell the woman, but I would prayerfully confront the man, urge him to repent of his sins and to confess them to God and his wife. If he refuses, then go back to him with one or two others, witnesses, and confront him again.
If he still did not repent, I would then tell her, very carefully and prayerfully. I think that is best.... But then, I am no expert.

[Soldier4Christ]

Amen LittlePilgrim.


GKB,

Those that go directly to the wife as a first step are instigators of trouble, whether they purposefully intend to be an instigator or not.

Jesus teaches us in Mat 18 : 15 - 18 how we are to deal with a brother that does wrong to us, which is the steps that LittlePilgrim mentioned. I do believe that this should apply also if we see a person doing wrong to others as we are told to admonish our brothers that are unruly.

 

[Jeff Mills]

I agree with Pastor Roger.  As a missionary here in Guatemala there are many people that honestly believe it is okay to have a lover- Christians included.    I have had to confront this time and time again, and thankfully we ahve got couples back together again through prayer and counselling.

[GKB]

praise the lord mills!

[friendship bunch]

I think it would depend on your age and the woman's age.  If she is 20 years older than you I think you should send a older woman.  I also think that if you are a guy you should send another woman.

[Rookieupgrade1]

I think it would depend on your age and the woman's age.  If she is 20 years older than you I think you should send a older woman.  I also think that if you are a guy you should send another woman.

No, I deffinatly would NOT approch the women (if you ment the wife by this)

Here is how I understand this situation and the way to go about it.

If you have factual knowalge of a wrong doing of a fellow believer, you should in prayer and love rebuke him (or her), if they will not hear you, bring 2 or more brothers and sisters with and again rebuke him (or her). then if they still will not hear you, brith your church leader into it.

Ultimatly you obliation it to the sinner, not the one they sinned against. God WILL hold you accountable if you do not rebuke a fellow believer. Speaking to anyone else regarding the matter (other than fellow believers that assist you in the rebuke and your church leader) is straying into the relm of gossip, so if yu go to anyone but the sinner, it is "out of bounds" I would promote continuous loveing pressure for this person to turn from his sin, and confess to his wife.

I'll be praying for you. this is not an easy situation.

[marylanza]

Most definetely!

[lightninboy]

If I barely knew them, I might think it is none of my business. If I considered them friends, I suppose I might think it is my duty to bring it up tactfully.

[saved_by_grace]

IF A HUSBAND WAS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE AND YOU KNEW ABOUT IT, WOULD YOU TELL THE WIFE???

I won't try to tell you one way or another as to what you should do, but if it were me (and I have been in a similar situation) I feel that the wife deserves to know the truth, but that the truth should be told as gently as possible......even if it hurts.  There are some sexually transmitted diseases out there that I wouldn't wish on anyone.  There is also ways to still save the marriage if help is sought in the early stages.......even though it would be grounds for a divorce.  This is something that is very, very damaging to a marriage and put the marriage in high risk to end in divorce........especially if help is not sought in the early stages.  Also, even though the truth would hurt and I would be angry towards my husband, I would want to be told if my husband was cheating on me. 

I have a brother who has chosen the homosexual lifestyle despite being raised better than that and taught that it's wrong.  My brother now deals with AIDS and requires medications that costs over $1000 a month just to stay alive.  It's a horrible disease that he has brought on himself by his lifestyle, but it would bother me to no end if an innocent person got such a disease because their spouse was cheating on them.  I have seen my brother go through things that make me gag just thinking about them because they are so gross.  I would not ever want to see an innocent person experience that......it's bad enough when the person brought it on themself with full knowledge that they had put themself in high risk for such a disease.  AIDS/HIV is not only part of the gay society......it's so widespread that it's everywhere where proper precautions to prevent it are not taken and affects those who are straight as well as the homosexuals.

[willychuck]

I agree with saved by grace.  I also believe there are times to follow the steps the Bible tells us to in confronting sin in anothers life.  But this situation, possibly speading deadly diseases to his wife, I think needs to be addressed immediatly.  I wouldn't do it though if I didn't have 100% proof that he was cheating.  Just guessing or assuming can cause such a big mess. 

your brother in Christ,

Bill 

[saved_by_grace]

I agree with saved by grace.  I also believe there are times to follow the steps the Bible tells us to in confronting sin in anothers life.  But this situation, possibly speading deadly diseases to his wife, I think needs to be addressed immediatly.  I wouldn't do it though if I didn't have 100% proof that he was cheating.  Just guessing or assuming can cause such a big mess. 

your brother in Christ,

Bill 

Ahhh.....good point.  Yes, addressing the husband as well once solid proof has been established would be the proper thing to do. 

In the case that I was involved in, the guy tried hitting on me and I found out by accident that his girlfriend that he spoke of was someone who I have known for a long time and who knew me as someone who would speak the truth.  I was at her home when he walked in the door and got a funny look on his face when he saw me.  When I later spoke to the gal about what took place between her boyfriend and I, she noticed the looks that were exchanged between her boyfriend and I the second that he walked in the door and was introduced to me.  I didn't tell her right away, but when she told me about how their relationship has changed, mentioned some of the behaviors she had noticed, and then asked me if I thought he was cheating on her, I couldn't lie to her and I told her in detail the conversation that I had with her boyfriend and I left it at that.  I told her what he had said to me and how he tried to hit on me......wanting me to go out with him and how I told him that I was married.  Granted, my marriage has issues of it's own, but I will not be unfaithful to my husband in that manner. 

I also think that if at all possible, that a guy or maybe even a couple guys in some cases confront the husband and that the wife may respond better to a woman breaking the news to her.  I also believe that the confrontations need to be based on the facts and not clouded with one's own thoughts and opinions.  When people start adding their own thoughts and opinions, the truth has a way of being stretched and made into something that isn't true.  Similar to playing the game "Telephone" where you whisper a phase to the next person in line and the last person is to say the phrase out loud......It's not always what it started out as being. 

[saved_by_grace]

I think it would depend on your age and the woman's age.  If she is 20 years older than you I think you should send a older woman.  I also think that if you are a guy you should send another woman.

I tend to disagree.  There is a type of connection there that isn't there if a woman speaks with a guy or if a guy speaks to a woman.  I can speak to a guy and have him not understand, but if another guy says the same thing to the same guy it's like he seems to understand.  I've seen it happen and therefore I would think twice about sending a woman to address the guy.

Also, what would stop the guy from trying to hit on the woman that was sent to address him?  Some people don't care what other people think.  The idea of speaking to a guy without another guy present is one that would scare me because of something that has taken place in the past where a guy from church became obsessed with trying to build a relationship after having a innocent conversation with him just to include him and make an effort to get to know a little bit about him.  Before I realized what was happening this guy started following me everywhere and would know every place where I have been throughout the week.  He had also been seen standing outside an apartment building where I lived at the time like he was waiting for me to come out.  I later discovered that other people have had similar issues with this guy........after it was already too late.  I ended up moving away, attending a different church, getting married and having children of my own before I could visit/attend the church again and have him leave me alone. 

There are some creepy people both within and outside the churches and proper caution needs to be taken.  People of the same gender as the person being addressed just seems more acceptable to me.  It's not fun being stalked by a guy who is obsessed in trying to persue a realtionship that just isn't there.

[Len]

Scripture is explicit as to how to admonish a sinner (and age difference is not mentioned). Rookieupgrade1 pretty much summed it up.

If you are doing anything about it other than what Scripture teaches, you will be held accountable in part for the disastrous outcome.

Tell the spouse? Nowhere does Scripture say we are to confess others' sins. Each one of us is called to confess our own sin to the Person and persons sinned against. And ALL sin is sin against Holy God. Getting right with Him through confession and repentance allows God to pave the way for you to get right with your fellow man.

[willychuck]

Scripture is explicit as to how to admonish a sinner (and age difference is not mentioned). Rookieupgrade1 pretty much summed it up.

If you are doing anything about it other than what Scripture teaches, you will be held accountable in part for the disastrous outcome.

Tell the spouse? Nowhere does Scripture say we are to confess others' sins. Each one of us is called to confess our own sin to the Person and persons sinned against. And ALL sin is sin against Holy God. Getting right with Him through confession and repentance allows God to pave the way for you to get right with your fellow man.

Len,  you're absolutely right.  God does have guide lines for us to follow.  But the truth of the matter is, they're guide lines.  Not every situation in life is covered in scriptures.  But you can find help for every situation in life.  God wants us to hear His "heart".  Sometimes we take His word and miss His heart.  What is God's heart in a situation like this?  I know I would end up talking to the man with or without more witnesses.  But I also know I'd talk to his wife who has just as much right to know as anyone else.  She is just as much a part of Christ and His body, as he is.  This isn't "don't let the right hand know what the left hand is doing" kind of thing.  We're dealing with real human life.  Truthfully, if I didn't know them, I would have a hard time saying something.  But if I knew them personally, I would speak.  Love one another.  Love comes in many shapes and sizes.  But it always has His heart in it.

Love your brother in Christ,
Bill