BULL

[RK]

A man went to his doctor and said, "doctor, I think I'm a moth."
The doctor looked up and said, "you don't want me, you want to see the psychiatrist."
"I know I do," said the man.
"Well, his office is just down the corridor from here - right next door."
"I know it is."
"Well," says the exasperated doctor, "why did you come in here then?!"
"Your light was on!"

 

[Brother Love]

A man went to his doctor and said, "doctor, I think I'm a moth."
The doctor looked up and said, "you don't want me, you want to see the psychiatrist."
"I know I do," said the man.
"Well, his office is just down the corridor from here - right next door."
"I know it is."
"Well," says the exasperated doctor, "why did you come in here then?!"
"Your light was on!"

 

LOL

Brother Love

[Ambassador4Christ]

LOL RK  

[Ambassador4Christ]

 A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that
the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she
was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper
cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

 

[Ambassador4Christ]

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'we were the first in space!" The American
said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So
what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian
and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said
the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid,
you know. We're going at night!"

[Ambassador4Christ]

 FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave
$10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the
park tomorrow at 7A.M. Signed, The Blonde" She pinned the
note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to
find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following
note.... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one
blonde would do this to another!"

[Symphony]

Did you hear about the three blondes they found frozen to death at the Drive-In Theatre?


They went to see, "Closed for the Winter".



     

[nChrist]

   LOL - All good ones, but I don't know about mine below:


#1 Groaner:
An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears.

"Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name. Can't remember my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I drive. Can't remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here!?!"

"Calm down sir! How long have you been like this?"

"Like what?"
---------------------------------------------------

#2 Groaner:
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shovelling." To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!?" The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...

!!"Supplies"!!

[Forrest]

A woman went to the doctor's office. Where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

[Forrest]

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office,

ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he got out, a truck came along,

too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Lexus.

The attorney immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and it wasn't

more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up.  Before the cop had a

chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.  His

Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely

ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to

make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in

disgust and disbelief.  "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he

said.  "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most

important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.  The cop replied, "Don't

you even realize that your left arm is missing?  It must have got ripped off

when the truck hit you!!!"

"Oh My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex is gone!!

[Forrest]

 Buzzard, Bat & the Bumblebee
>
> If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely
open
> at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute
> prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the
> ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit,
> it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a
> small jail with no top.
>
> The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble creature
in
> the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor
or
> flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt,
> painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw
> itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
>
> A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies,
> unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but
> persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom.
> It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
>
> In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat, and the
> bumblebee. They are struggling about with all their problems and
> frustrations, not ever realizing that the answer is right there "Above"
> them.

[Brother Love]

I enjoyed them all   LOL

Brother Love

[Coyote]

HA HA HA HA HA took me awhile to read all of this thread but man I really enjoyed some good clean funnies. thanx Brothers and Sisters for all the laughter my wife and I had while reading this.

[Ambassador4Christ]

A young lady came home from a date and her mother could see she had been crying. "What's wrong dear?" asked the mother.

"Oh Mom!" said the girl "My boyfriend asked me to marry him tonight!"

"What's the matter dear, don't you love him?" asked the mother.

"I do love him" said the girl... "But tonight he told me that he's an atheist! He doesn't even believe there is a hell mom!!!"

The mother just smiled and said "You marry him anyway ... between the two of us we'll show him just how wrong he is!"

[Symphony]

  hehe.