Submitting to Husbands

[Ali Katt]

Here is the problem I have with this issue....

My husband believes in God. But so many of his actions do not show that. It is very hard for me to be submissive to him when I don't feel like he is doing his part. I don't think he loves me as Christ loves the church.

I do try to support him in all that he does. I also consider his feeling and needs in everything that I do. But then I find myself arguing with him over money or other issues when I feel like he is not doing what is best for us.

If I submit to my husband does that mean that I look the other way when he spends the bill money on video games? When he tells me about how he lost his temper again at work in front of customers... do I tell him that was ok, or do I tell him he is a fool and could loose his job and not be able to support us?

This submission thing is just very hard for me. I want to submit to my husband and have the kind of marriage that God intended for us. But I always find myself arguing over things with him, and most of the time I start the fight. Starting fights can't be submission, but do you blindly follow someone just because he is the man?

[Mrs.Chosen]

M, that was real good! It sounds like you read that Book "His Needs, Her Needs" that is a awesome book.
Katt, it sounds like you are newly married? Are you?
Some of the things you listed i can related to. My husband and I argued a lot about money and his job and other things.
Now the 1st thing i want to say is that an arguement doesn't maen that you are not submitting. If you never argue then it's time to see the Pastor for help. We all argue. My Pastor told me the 1st year was going to be rough and possibly the hardest. because you have 2 coming together as one and you both have different up bringings and ideas.
I want you to pray for him more, fast for strenght to submit, and read with your husband the Word. Make time for devotions. Also you have to realize that you had a choise, and you chose him. So now you must submit and it's not so much about him, but as unto GOD. Look at it like that. GOD is the Big Picture. Submit doen't mean you can't give your input.
It doen't mean you don't have a voice. But somethings you will have to take to the Lord and wait for GOD to deal with your husband on. thats not easy and can be painfull, yet God will deal with him. TRUST ME. i'm only telling you because i know as a fact.
so be encoraged and you can hit me up at any time. my info is there!

I'll pray for you guys!

[Ali Katt]

Thanks M and Mrs Chosen for the replies.  

You both have given me some good points to think about. I'll try to answer some of the questions yall had. We have been married for 11 years. We went threw premarital counseling, plus we have been to marriage counseling twice during the 11 years we have been together.

We have had alot of issues in the 11 years we have been together. Some of them almost ended in divorce. I guess the real problem is me. I have a hard time letting go of the past. When I get hurt it takes a long time for me to trust again. It's hard to submit to your husband when your still trying to figure out how to trust him again.

I did not even realize I was holding onto these feelings until I wrote that post and read your responses. I guess what I need to do is pray that God will change my heart, and make me more like him. I need to trust again. I don't think I'll ever be able to submit until I do that.

Thanks Ladies! You really did help me out on this.

[gary cook]

The wisest thing I think you can do is ,if he will get on your knees together and pray with and for him ,never beating him down ,always try to lift him up .And if he will read and study the bible with him .Praying before reading asking the HOLY SPIRIT to lead him in what part of the new testament you study .

[Ali Katt]

M,
Your right. My husband does do alot of good things for me. I just tend to hold onto the bad like you were saying. There are alot of days where I do give and give and don't get anything in return, but I'm sure everyone had days like that. There are times when he can be so sweet and loving, those are the times I need to learn to hold onto.

I've only been on this forum a couple of days and I feel like it's been good for me already. I am seeing some of the things I'm doing wrong and areas I need to work on. I wish I had more Christian friends in "real life" not just on the net. It does help to bounce ideas off someone and get a second opinion. Thank you.

[Reba]

Here is the problem I have with this issue....

My husband believes in God. But so many of his actions do not show that. It is very hard for me to be submissive to him when I don't feel like he is doing his part. I don't think he loves me as Christ loves the church.

I do try to support him in all that he does. I also consider his feeling and needs in everything that I do. But then I find myself arguing with him over money or other issues when I feel like he is not doing what is best for us.

If I submit to my husband does that mean that I look the other way when he spends the bill money on video games? When he tells me about how he lost his temper again at work in front of customers... do I tell him that was ok, or do I tell him he is a fool and could loose his job and not be able to support us?

This submission thing is just very hard for me. I want to submit to my husband and have the kind of marriage that God intended for us. But I always find myself arguing over things with him, and most of the time I start the fight. Starting fights can't be submission, but do you blindly follow someone just because he is the man?

We can only blindly follow man we follow God's Word. Our example is Sarah.  I have been struggling to be in submission for 41 years now, some day i might get there

We follow the Word of God not 'man' . If we are not following the Word we are following the world. We should live to please the Lord. Pleasing Him is to obey Him.

Boy am I going to be 'tested' ....If  yalll cant tell i am  'preaching' to myself.  Marriage is the hardest life lesson to learn. To be a good spouse is to be UNselfish We are to remember it is easy to love those who are lovely ...

Luke 6:32-33

32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

33 And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
KJV
 Matt 5:46


A short true story....

Dad was a pastor for over 50 years.....One day Mom and dad were argueing LOUDLY Dad was telling her ...I  do too love you as Christ loves the Church...... Her reply  then why arnt 'you dead yet' ..


 We ladies can killl with our mouth quickly are deeply often we dont hear ourselfs and do not see the pain we cause. When we get 'hurt' he knows we cry or something he most often gets angry or withdraws and we dont understand that we inflected the blow......

[Dclarejesus]

I wanted toshare this book with a friend of mine, but I go back to it so much that I am just going to have to buy it for her as a friend of mine bought it for me. It is from Debi Pearl, and the book title is "Created to be his help meet." I think it is a must read for every woman.

[chicklittle]

Hi, I recently found something out.   God said that it was not good for man to be alone, and that he would created a "helper" or "helpmate" for him.  Some translations may even be companion.  I have yet to see a translation with the TRUE meaning.  The real word should translate as "rescuer".  Why?  Adam was alone, it was the first problem on earth, and Eve was created to RESCUE him from lonliness.

Unfortunately, over the thousands and thousands of years where women we regarded as cattle, or inferior at best, it was never translated properly.  What a conspiracy!

Now, about submitting to them....this does not mean OBEY.  It means more of a yielding your will and life to him.  Get this- HE IS SUPPOSED TO YEILD HIMSELF TO YOU AS WELL!  It is stressed on the woman's part because it seems that women have a harder time doing this.  Submission is not something a husband is supposed to force....it wouldn't be submission if it were!  It is a choice- you have FREE WILL.  It says to submit to him in love, not obedience to him.  MY husband never TELLs me to do anything...and vice versa.  That was a premarital agreement we had based on our interpretation of scripture.  

You are your own person, precious to God.  He never intended for you to be cattle, second rate, inferior, WHATEVER.  He never intended for what has been going on over the history of man to the present to happen.  You are created to RESCUE someone from lonliness!  How cool!

[winnie pooh]

 I am a 25 year old wife and teacher who has also been struggling with submission since I got married 3 years and 7 months ago. I have recently had a new insight on the wholw issue. In teaching my students government i realised that having no government is an anachy.
 
history abounds with chaos resulting from disobedience to God's pattern. By usurping the place of leadership and acting on behalf of her husband eve introduced sin into the human race.

On the other hand there is nothing more attractive than a woman feeling in  the role that God has designed for her.

[Baastetnoir]

The submission discussion always causes trouble...

God ment submit to authority if they are taking the right decision..

Lets see if a husband decides to go out and cheet is eyes out, should a wife submit? NO... therefore submission is paralleled with the kind of decisions that are taken.

[lolligirl63]

My husband is a control freak,so if I were to submit to
him,he'd use me for his personal slave,literally. He'd
have me confined to the house 24/7,carrying out his
every command. So,NO I don't submit to him. It would
be a detrimental mistake if I were to submit to him. He
sees women as being slaves,put here to cater to men.
I refuse to accept that. He calls me a women's libber.
Well,I'd much rather be that than be a slave.
Lolli

[Soldier4Christ]

There is a difference between being a slave to your husband and being a "help meet". There is a definite line between the man being head of the family and being a dictator.

God made Eve so that Adam would have a help meet.

Gen 2:18  And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

What this means is that she was made to aid or assist (help) Adam. Not to do all things for him but to help him do those things.

In present times this means that she is to help him with the family matters and with his assignment given to him by God. This does not mean that the woman is to run around doing everything the man tells her to do while the man sits on his duff do nothing.

This is saying that they are to work together in those things that benefit the family as well as Gods work. All to often in families it goes to one extreme or the other. The man attempts to be a complete control freek ordering the woman around while he does nothing or the woman rebels and does everything the opposite of what the man says even when the man is attempting to do what is right.

In a marriage there needs to be a happy medium between these two. The Bible tells us that when we get married we become one. Not two people going their own individual directions but one with the same goals working together with the same objective.

The Bible does tell us also that the man is the head of this family. Again it is not to be a totalatarian, everything his way, but to have some semblance of organization. It is the mans place to have the final say so of what is done by the family. A Godly man will take into consideration his wifes needs and desires when making these final decisions so that the outcome is for the good of both not just for one or the other. Again, this does not mean that the woman does not have a say in these matters.

If the man goes to the extent of everything his way and the woman goes to the extent of everything her way then there is caos and confusion. Family goals do not get reached because both of you keep fighting against each other for what you desire and not for what is necessarily the best for both.

[technological]

I don't know if anyone has already suggested this but it is a book called love and respect. It is silver and red. you can probably get it at a christian bookstore. I think the author is emerson, but i am not sure. hope that helps.

[RitaSweet84]

thats a hard choise, but in my experience i find that if you can find a good man to love. then you should love him back. and this might include submitting to his every needs and pleasures.

[TEXASGRANDMA]

being 53 years of age, I have sat under many sermons on this.  Most of the time the Preacher, makes it sound like if the wife was submissive enough the marriage would be great.  But last year, our Pastor here in Washington said the problem was more the men.  That if the men would love their wives like Jesus loved the Church, the majority of women would have no problem submitting to her husband.  Too often men see their position as ruler over the wives and totally ignore the loving them as Jesus loved the Church.  Jesus died for the Church, so would He be for a husband verbally and physically abusing his wife?  I don't think so.  When something comes up my husband and I discuss it together.  He likes having someone give their thougths so he can make a decision seeing more than his side.  Does he always make the right decision and by this I don't mean mine, ?  no.  there have been times, I will tel him, I have a bad feeling abut something but he did it anyway and sure nough, it was a bad idea.  But, we are a couple and we go through the bad and the good ideas together.  I am wrong myself many times.  
But we work together as a couple sharing the good and the bad.  He does not seem himself as my boss.  But, when a decision has to be made, and we both don't agree, then I do my best to be a good wife and let him decide.    God is working on me on this part.