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Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
279267 Posts in 26835 Topics by 3790 Members
Latest Member: Goodwin
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56716  Prayer / Prayer Requests / Re:Dying friend and the gospel on: October 27, 2003, 10:23:26 PM
Oklahoma Howdy to Whitehorse,

I'm very sorry to hear about the condition of your friend becoming worse. I will keep your friend in my prayers. I was one of the primary care givers when my dad passed away. I played gospel music quite a bit, and he seemed to enjoy that. We also read the Bible quite a bit. However, those were the two things my dad enjoyed the most during his life, The Holy Bible and Gospel music. That might be a fairly good idea anyway just to try.

Love In Christ,
56717  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 06:00:20 PM
Church Repairs:

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.

The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
56718  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 05:56:07 PM
Old Family Bible:

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
56719  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 05:53:43 PM
The Bible:

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"

His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay", said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"

"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
56720  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 05:46:37 PM
No Parking:

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.

Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
56721  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 05:44:00 PM

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.


"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "GoodLord, it's morning."
56722  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 05:41:02 PM

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
56723  Fellowship / You name it!! / Christian And Church Humor on: October 27, 2003, 05:27:19 PM
Good News & Bad News:

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.

The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
56724  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: October 27, 2003, 05:04:41 PM
Oklahoma Howdy to Forrest,

 Grin  - Signs you are getting old.

There are things all should do as they get older.

Keep your glasses close to the bed and always put them on before getting up. Advanced cases may need to count to 100 first and determine where they are first.

Always remember that your wife may not have been the one who moved the item you are searching for.

Always store your Preparation H and Ben-gay in separate locations. For advanced cases, store them in different rooms. For really advanced cases, make sure that neither of them are stored close to your toothbrush.

56725  Welcome / Questions, help, suggestions, and bug reports / Re:Our ranking on: October 27, 2003, 03:25:53 PM
Oklahoma Howdy to Willowburch,

WOW!, I love your signature, it is beautiful. I've never seen one like that and wouldn't have a clue how it was done. The subject matter is refreshing and uplifting.

In Christ,
56726  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Truth on: October 27, 2003, 07:28:30 AM
I am not going to argue with carnal minded christians. If what you believe in is true then so be it, we all have been given the gift of free will, but believe this for all those who know the truth and teach false doctrine will be held accountable.

Oklahoma Howdy to Hunibuni,

This would obviously be your opinion, and many Christians do not share your opinion. They would not be carnal Christians because they don't share your opinion. There is an opposite side of the coin that is completely valid. I choose not to allow the devil to claim a single day as his own. I and many others worship Almighty God on Christmas, Easter, and every day. Would we honor the devil by allowing him to claim that day or any day? There is a lengthy history of Christians trying to reclaim days for God and take them away from the devil. As an ancient example, prior to midnight is Halloween and after midnight is All Saints Day. I say that prior to midnight also belongs to Almighty God.

One could take this example on and on, but the same message would come across that many Christians refuse to allow any day to be devoted to the devil or in honor of the devil. Here's one last example. A Christian decides to hand out Bible tracts in a rough area of town filled with prostitutes and dope dealers. Is the Christian honoring prostitutes and dope dealers? Further, is the Christian carnal in this action? The answer is "NO".

In Christ 365/24/7,
56727  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: October 27, 2003, 05:14:42 AM
Rumored Corporate Mergers:
It has long been rumored that W. R. Grace Co. was considering buying the Fuller Brush Co. along with Mary Kay Cosmetics and then merge with the Hale Business Systems.  

This mega-corporate entity could be known as Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Proposed merger:   Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers, to be called Fairwell Honeychild.

Rumored merger:   Wurlitzer with Xerox.  They are going to market reproductive organs.

Possible merger:   Warner Brothers, Polygraph Records and Keebler -- to be called... Poly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merger:   mmmGood

John Deere and Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco and Dakota Mining:
Dip Audi Do Da

Swissair and Cheseborough-Ponds: Swisschese

Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home

Luvs Diapers and Hertz Rent-a-Car: Luv Herts

Upjohn and Chuckie Cheese Pizza: UpChuck

White Castle Burgers and Glad Trash Bags: White Trash Bags
56728  Entertainment / Laughter (Good Medicine) / Re:Laughter - Good Medicine on: October 27, 2003, 05:07:37 AM
We're having a dinner catered at our house this week end.  The chef is "Wheels" Pierre.  He's the chef at the local Road Kill Cafe (you kill it we grill it).

The Menu Choices:

    Center Line Bovine
           real good right from the hood

           that didn't cross the road

    Flat Cat
           single or in a stack


    Road Toad Ala Mode

They also have a daily special

    "Guess That Mess"
           free if you can guess what it is
56729  Theology / General Theology / Re:Share A Thought on: October 27, 2003, 03:11:19 AM
Hoekstra Devotion - October 27

Abraham's Patient, Heavenly Pilgrimage, by Faith:

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland.  (Heb_11:13-14)

We looked at Sarah's testimony here in Hebrews previously (in the meditations on God's promises). Consequently, we will press on to consider a strategic extension of Abraham's testimony concerning his obedient, earthly sojourn, by faith. Therein, we saw him traveling through life on earth as an alien, a stranger (in the world, but not of it). Now, we will see Abraham's patient, heavenly pilgrimage, by faith. His previous testimony concluded with this pilgrimage theme: "For he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God" (Heb_11:10). Early in the present continuing testimony, the two themes are coupled. "They were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." A stranger (sojourner) is one who does not belong to the given locale. The pilgrim is one who is marching toward a given spiritual destination.

Abraham and his family (Sarah, Isaac, and Jacob) were promised the land flowing with milk and honey. "These all died in faith, not having received the promises." They did not personally experience the possessing of the promised land. Yet, they lived with a sense of guaranty that God would fulfill His promises: "but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them." They fully accepted the certainty that the Lord would some day give that land to their seed. Meanwhile, they confessed that they were content to live as strangers concerning this world and as pilgrims anticipating the world to come: "and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth."

Now, the pilgrimage aspect of Abraham's testimony (and his family's) is emphasized. "For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland." As the years passed and the promised land was not given to them, their hearts yearned for a true, lasting, eternal homeland. "For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland." God wants to develop this perspective of heavenly pilgrimage in our hearts as well. "Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (1Pe_2:11). The Lord wants us to set our daily course toward heaven, rejecting earthly cravings that diminish spiritual vitality.

Father God, You have fulfilled so many promises for me here on this earth. I praise You and thank You for such loving grace. Still, my heart yearns for that which heaven alone can provide. Thus, I press on as a pilgrim, bound for my homeland above.
56730  Fellowship / You name it!! / Re:Happy Monday, Everyone! on: October 26, 2003, 06:51:53 PM
Oklahoma Howdy to All,

My Halloween is done for another year. It was at the OSU Medical School. I went as a crippled up old man with white and gray hair. I didn't have to use any makeup or wear anything other than my normal clothes, and I won second place in the costume contest.   Grin

In Christ,
Grin Which poor unfortunate won 1st place?

Oklahoma Howdy to Willowbirch,

 Grin   Grin  Someone who donated their body to science and medicine.

In Christ,
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