BULL

[nChrist]

Funeral Service:

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out,
"watch out for the wall!''

[Forrest]

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslin terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide..............let's see now.......

No Jesus
No Wal-Mart
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No basketball
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No M & D
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo

More than one wife.

Rags for clothes and towels for hats
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no
doctors
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower
No chocolate chip cookies
No Christmas
No Disney World
No Las Vegas

You can't shave
Your wives can't shave
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel
dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times
Someone else picks your bride
She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better
disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!!
I mean, really, IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE!!??  

[nChrist]

     Good one Brother Forrest,

Now, my groaner - The Bill:

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

[Forrest]

ROFLOLLLLL.....

[Brother Love]

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslin terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide..............let's see now.......

No Jesus
No Wal-Mart
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No basketball
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No M & D
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo

More than one wife.

Rags for clothes and towels for hats
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no
doctors
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower
No chocolate chip cookies
No Christmas
No Disney World
No Las Vegas

You can't shave
Your wives can't shave
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel
dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times
Someone else picks your bride
She smells just like your donkey, but your donkey has a better
disposition.

Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!!
I mean, really, IS THERE A MYSTERY HERE!!??  

LOL And its true also

Brother Love

[Forrest]

FROG NOISE
A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.  
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.  "Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"  

"What?" said his grandpa.  


"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disneyland!!!"

[nChrist]

   

ROFL - Good one Brother Forrest.  

I'll have to remember not to make noises like a frog.  

[Ambassador4Christ]

Forrest you get  

LOL

[nChrist]

   Now - For My Groaner:

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with
the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

[nChrist]

Children and Humor - True?

OPINIONS:

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

----------------------
KETCHUP:

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

[nChrist]

Children and Humor - True?

POLICE # 1:

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

------------------
POLICE # 2:

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

[Brother Love]

 Now - For My Groaner:

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with
the boys?"

Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

rough  

Brother Love

[Ambassador4Christ]

Super bowl Seat

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl
from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field.
 
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an
empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He
decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.
 
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game,
Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?"
 
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I
was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
 
"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't
you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"
"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

 
   

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to Ambassador4Christ,

ROFL - Super Bowl -    

In Christ,
Tom

[nChrist]

Martha Stewart's Holiday Calendar:
 
December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Apply gold leaf, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
 
December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing
Christmas message for answering machine.
 
December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine
cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
 
December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha
trim.
 
December 5 Grind lenses for new eyeglasses.
 
December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer
committee for consideration.
 
December 7 Debug Windows '98
 
December 10 Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
 
December 11 Lay Faberge egg.
 
December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
 
December 13 Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry
cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
 
December 14 Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
 
December 15 Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday
scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
 
December 17 Blow glass Christmas tree ornaments. Cut tree in
Montana.
 
December 19 Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner
guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned
seat.
 
December 20 Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in
confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
 
December 21 Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider,
orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
 
December 22 Float votive candles in toilet tank.
 
December 23 Seed clouds for white Christmas.
 
December 24 Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
 
December 25 Bear son.  Swaddle.  Scent manger with homemade potpourri.
 
December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
 
December 27 Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
 
December 28 Say it is good.  Rest for five minutes.
 
December 29 Dig up sand from quarry and make new chips for my four computers.
 
December 30 Float wicks in 4000 dishes of oil, place on lawn,
and spell out Happy New Year as a greeting to my friends on the MIR space station.
 
December 31 New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call
one friend in each time zone of the world as the calendar
changes.
 
January 1 Stay out of jail.