BULL

[Ambassador4Christ]

I just saw this. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet -including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all!

Maybe we should start up a petition or something protesting this. What do you think?

Oklahoma Howdy to Ambassador4Christ,

I do wish to protest. They put your picture on my license.  

In Christ.

LOL BEP  

[Ambassador4Christ]

"The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have an sample of his DNA. So Monica Lewinsky is working for the CIA?" —Jay Leno

"We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours." —David Letterman

"There are reports that Saddam has been spotted in central Baghdad. Parts of him were also spotted in northern Baghdad, eastern Baghdad and western Baghdad." —Jay Leno

"It does not look good for Saddam Hussein and his sons. Yesterday we bombed the restaurant where they were eating and today I went on the Internet and they were selling pieces of Uday and Qusay on eBay." —Jay Leno

"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral." —David Letterman

"There are now reports that Saddam Hussein was injured in the initial U.S. bombing and he’s now receiving medical care in an underground bunker. In fact, he asked his doctors if he was going to live and they told him, "Oh yeah, absolutely, you’ll live – until the Americans get here ... then you’re screwed." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein in his interview with Dan Rather said he would rather die than leave his country in exile. Finally, something we can agree on, he'd rather die and we'd rather kill him." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein has told his people that U.S. troops will commit suicide when they get to the gates of Baghdad. That's when you know you have a bad army, when your only hope for victory is that the enemy's troops kill themselves." —Jay Leno

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president." —Jay Leno

"U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?" —Jay Leno

"They are trying to get that crazy guy Saddam Hussein into exile. So far, the only offer he has is two weeks on Sean Penn's couch." —David Letterman

"More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy — he's one of their own." —Jay Leno

"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news — they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel." —David Letterman

"Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had incentive to bomb Iraq before, imagine if Congress was over there." —Jay Leno

"The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army." —Conan O'Brien

"Germany is now saying that they won’t go along with an invasion of Iraq. However, they did say they would go along if the invasion included Poland, France and Belgium." —Jay Leno

"Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein." —Jay Leno

GRRRRRRRRRREAT Post BEP   Thanks Bro, I will pass this one on...

[Ambassador4Christ]

A Priest and a Rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still
a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our
faith."

The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the
temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five
minutes and then said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"  

[Symphony]

that's sorta crude, Amb.  On a family website, should we be saying hell, suck, etc.?

Sorry, prudish Symphony here.

But speaking of airplanes, Do you know how to hush the obnoxious passenger sitting next to you?

Just tell him you're a born again insurance salesman.

(drum roll, cymbal crash)

[Corpus]

Back to the bull...

Two bulls, one young and the other old were standing on top of a hill when they saw a herd of cows make their way to the base. The young bull began pawing the ground in excitement. He turned to the older bull and exclaimed, "let's run down and get us one!"

The older bull took his time to survey the scene, then calmly he took a step forward and without looking at the younger bull, spoke. "No...let's walk down and get them all."

[Corpus]

A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be hanged," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."

[Corpus]

Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"

[Corpus]

QUESTION: How many New Agers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

ANSWER: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, we rejoice in your discovery. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

[Ambassador4Christ]

that's sorta crude, Amb.  On a family website, should we be saying hell, suck, etc.?

Sorry, prudish Symphony here.

But speaking of airplanes, Do you know how to hush the obnoxious passenger sitting next to you?

Just tell him you're a born again insurance salesman.

(drum roll, cymbal crash)

OK Bro I will try to clean up the jokes Bro, thanks  

P.S.

I liked your joke  

[Ambassador4Christ]

A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be hanged," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."

Corpus, you get   For the Bull joke  

And you get   for this one LOL  

[Ambassador4Christ]

Two Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have problem. I have two female parrots, but
they only know how to say one thing."

What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have
some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest replied! But I may have a
solution to your problem. I have two male talking
parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put
them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can
teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your
parrots are sure to stop saying . . . that phrase . . . in
no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well
be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the
priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his
two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary
beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and
placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes,
the female parrots cried out in unison:

"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot
looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,

"Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been
answered!"  

[Forrest]

> > > >The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> > > >the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of
> > > fat
> > > >and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The
> > > >Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> > > the
> > > >British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine
> > > and
> > > >also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
> > > Conclusion:
> > > >Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you

[Ambassador4Christ]

> > > >The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> > > >the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of
> > > fat
> > > >and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The
> > > >Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
> > > the
> > > >British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine
> > > and
> > > >also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
> > > Conclusion:
> > > >Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you

LOL  

[Symphony]

Two world renowned scientists from Poland and Czechloslovakia wanted to study the famous Grizzly bear of Yellowstone Nat'l Park.

Nope, said the park rangers.  Too dangerous.

Please said the scientists.

NOpe, said the park rangers.  

PUH-LEEZE!!?? said the two scientist.

Well, okay, said the rangers, but you have to take these cell phones here and we want you checking back in with us every morning, got it?

Okay, said the scientists.

So they fly over from Europe, meet the rangers at Yellowstone, and begin their long trek back into the Park wilds, in search of Grizzly.

First day, they check back in.  Okay.
Second day, okay.
Third day, silence.
Fourth day, nothing.  Rangers say, That's it, we better go.  So they follow out into the wilds.

Pretty soon, there's a trail, and torn clothes, blood, etc.  And there, off in the distance, they just glimpse a male Grizzly lumbering off into the forest.  Then they spot a female, much closer.  Better shoot it, says one ranger.  Bang!!  

The rangers run over to the female bear.  "Better cut'her open, see what's inside."  "Okay", says another.  And there inside, was the Polish scientist.

Ugh, says the ranger.  That means....THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE!!


(hehe, SORRY!  Just can't help it.)

[Ambassador4Christ]

THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE!! LOL  

Thanks Bro