Jest for laughs

[sincereheart]

ROFL! "Normal" is an insult!  

[Shylynne]

That`s why I would neer accuse any of my friends of being normal!  

[sincereheart]

That`s why I would neer accuse any of my friends of being normal!  

ROFL! And I'm SURE they'd never call you 'normal'!

 

[ollie]

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New
Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says..........

"HEBREWS"
 


This was in my e-mail. Thought you all might get a charge out of it. Perhaps you have seen it and is old hat to you. Oh well have fun again if so.

Ollie

[Shylynne]

ROFL! And I'm SURE they'd never call you 'normal'!

 

you got that right!

[sincereheart]

Shoe Shine.....

A new Ensign, I was assigned duty at the Naval Observatory in Washington, D.C., and carpooled to work with a veteran Marine sergeant. One afternoon, I showed him a pair of brown shoes I had purchased to go with my khaki uniform. He examined the leather carefully. "Let me take these home," he said, "and I'll show you a real Marine Corps shine."

The next day I wore my old shoes, expecting to switch them
with the ones the sergeant was polishing. From a grocery bag, Sarge pulled out the right shoe, shining like glass. "This is the way a Marine shines a shoe," he said. "Now all you have to do is polish the left one to look like it."

 



~This one may only be funny to me.... My dad used to take every vehicle I owned and polish one spot, right on the hood, that I could never, ever match up!  

[sincereheart]

Classy Cashier.....

It was a Saturday afternoon, and I had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments for an impromptu BBQ I was having for a few friends while we were watching a college game on the patio.

The store was loaded with shoppers and as I headed for the
limited items express lane, the only one that didn't have a long line, a rather large woman, completely ignoring the overhead sign, slipped into the check-out line just in front of me, pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

I was quietly fuming at the anticipated delay, when, to my
unexpected delight, the elderly cashier beckoned the woman
to come forward, looked into the cart and asked, ever so
sweetly, "So dearie, which six items would you like to buy?"



~I only hope I live long enough to meet the cashier!

[Shylynne]

oooo class act!  

[Willowbirch]

      A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts everywhere.  Wherever she touches she is hit with excruciating pain.

      "That's strange," says the doctor. "Show me."

      She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.

      She pushes her knee and screams, then pushes on her head and screams.

      Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

      The doctor then asks, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

      "No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

      "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

[Willowbirch]

You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.  

* You are proud of your lawnmower.  

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."  

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"  

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.  

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.  

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.  

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.  

[Willowbirch]

Q.  Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

A.  Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

[nChrist]

Q.  Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

A.  Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

     Thanks - I needed this laugh.

[sincereheart]

You're not a kid anymore when ...

* The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.  

* You are proud of your lawnmower.  

* 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."  

* People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"  

* Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.  

* Nobody ever tells you to slow down.  

* You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.  

* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.  

I resemble most of these.....

[sincereheart]

How To Identify The Species Of Bear You Are Looking At.....

1. Go over to him, and kick him in the rump.
2. Run up a nearby tree.

If he climbs the tree and eats you, he's a black bear.
If he knocks the tree down and eats you, he's a grizzly.

[Shylynne]

My wife and I get along just great, except that she's a backseat
driver second to none. Eventually, to save our marriage, we
decided to use separate cars to commute.

On my way home from work on the day that I was finally alone
in a car without constant advice, I heard my cell phone ring
as I merged onto a freeway on-ramp.

It was my wife. By chance, she had entered the freeway right
behind me.

"Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And turn on
your lights. It's starting to rain."