A Little Humor for Parents

[Shammu]

I just got this from my Pastor.

I thought this might bring a light to your day.  Have a great day in the Lord.
Blessings to all.
In the grip of His grace, I am,

 
 
Windshield thoughts of a 6 year old

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm thinking of something."
 
This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain! ;" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield wipers are
like God wiping our sins away."
 
After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this
revelation?
So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"
Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:  "We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."
 
I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.

[nChrist]

School Answering Machine:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child's school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent, press 1.

To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work, press 2.

To complain about what we do, press 3.

To verbally abuse our staff members, press 4.

To ask why you did not get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you, press 5.

If you want us to raise your child, press 6.

If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone, press 7.

To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8.

To complain about bus transportation, press 9.

To complain about school lunches, press 0.

If you realize that this is the real world, and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it is not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, please hang up and have a nice day!!!

[sincereheart]

6.  Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

[sincereheart]

"Can people predict the future with cards?" Jessica asked Danny.

"My mom can," Danny replied.

"Really?"

"Yes," Danny told her, "she takes one look at my report card and can tell me exactly what will happen when my dad gets home."

[Shylynne]

on a side note:

sincerehearts danasoft sig currently says
"Today is just another day in paradise"  

[nChrist]

Things Children Say (Real? - Maybe)

1.  Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.  Amanda

2.  Dear God, thank you for the baby brother, but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.  Joyce

3.  Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.  Janet

4.  God, I read the Bible. What does beget men? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison

5.  Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you?  Charlene

6.  Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?  Anita

7.  Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.  Nancy

8.  Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too. Glenn

9.  Dear God, my Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?  Love, Dennis

10.  Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?  Nathan

11.  Dear God, did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?  Norma

12.  Dear God, in Bible times, did they really talk that fancy?  Jennifer

13.  Dear God, how come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?  Billy

14.  Dear God, please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.  Peter

15.  Dear God, maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. If works out OK with me and my brother.  Larry

16.  Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget.  Mark

17.  Dear God, my brother told me about how you are born, but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say?  Marsha

18.  Dear God, if you watch in church on Sunday, I will show you my new shoes.  Barbara

19.  Dear God, is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business?  Donny

20.  Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying that because you are already God.  Charles

21.  Dear God, it is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon?  Jeff

22.  Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really.  Frank

23.  Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool.  Thomas

[nChrist]

Parent Definitions

Words that you or I would commonly use for one meaning, have a completely different meaning to parents in a family...

BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.

DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".