A Little Humor for Parents

[nChrist]

Things Mom Would Never Say:

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"

"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"

"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"

"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

[nChrist]

The First Child:

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."

[nChrist]

Telephone Shopping:

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.

"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

[nChrist]

Parents Know:

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

Families are like fudge....mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

[Shylynne]

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

ROFL! I loved these!  

Things Mom Would Never Say:
"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"


NOT TRUE! I grew up with "SHUT THE LIGHT OFF"
I pledged to spent the rest of my life in shining rebellion to that  

[nChrist]

Shylynne Said:

NOT TRUE! I grew up with "SHUT THE LIGHT OFF"
I pledged to spent the rest of my life in shining rebellion to that  

Oklahoma Howdy to Shylynne,

   I grew up the same way. I think a lot of things depend on whether or not your parents lived through the great depression. I can't even get my mother to leave the front porch light on so the police can more easily check when they drive by. AND!!, don't even think about wasting one bite of food.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[Shylynne]

Our 7 year old niece spent last night with us.  When we
dropped her off at home, my sister-in-law asked how she
behaved.  "She was an angel," I informed her.

"Really?" she questioned.

"Yes, really.  A perfect angel."  I assured her.

"I just don't understand.  Whenever she is with you she is
well behaved.  Whenever she is at home, she is a monster.
She misbehaves for everyone else.  In fact, the teachers at
her school drew straws to see who would be stuck with her
in their class.  How come she always behaves for you?",
my sister in law asked.

"I don't know.  I guess I just have a way with children.
I also try to educate them as well. A child is never to young
to learn," I answered.

"What do you mean.  What did you teach her?" she inquired.

"Well, for instance, children need to learn about death and
dying so they better understand this process. I explained
this concept very carefully to her."  I informed my
sister-in-law.

"Really?  You explained this to her at 7?" she asked
dumbfounded.

"Yes, and she understands death perfectly, which is good, because it makes threatening her with it, much more effective..."

[Shylynne]

Oklahoma Howdy to Shylynne,

   I grew up the same way. I think a lot of things depend on whether or not your parents lived through the great depression. I can't even get my mother to leave the front porch light on so the police can more easily check when they drive by. AND!!, don't even think about wasting one bite of food.

Love In Christ,
Tom

It could also be true that some of our parents tried to recreate the great depression for their childrens learning benefit  

We were allowed to waste a bite, prolly because that went to the pig troth lol...but no wasting energy...SHUT the fridge door, your defrosting the fridge (not possible is less than a minute as far as I know)  ...SHUT the door...you wer`nt raised in a barn!   I now have a  odd fondness for barns, and my fridge gets defrosted daily      I admit...I do use the shut the door line...but hey there`s three barnyard animals living in  my house  

[Shylynne]

A mother and father were chatting with their 16 year old
son about his future.  The youngster said he'd like to attend
Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had.
Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you
like to take when you attend college?" they asked the little
boy.

After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen,
he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without
it."  

[nChrist]

Shylynne,

That brings back fond memories of having teens at home. What was in the refrigerator was always a surprise. As an example, I didn't know that my son could drink an entire 1/2 gallon of orange juice at once.  

My son is coming home on leave in July, and I think that I will fill the refrigerator however many times that it takes VERY HAPPILY.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[nChrist]

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When.........


You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

[Shylynne]

Do you mean what was NOT in your refridgerator was always a surprise?     If you blink...the food disappears lol
What`s it going to be like when the food...just... sits there        Its gonna stink!  
Its great your going to have your son home for a visit, think i`ll go kidnap mine!  



You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!


I do that at church! LOL *sigh!*

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to Shylynne,

   Yes, the empty refrigerator is a surprise, but I don't care. I'll prepare for a Navy Seal team and happily buy all he can eat. My wife and I are like little kids and can't wait until he gets home. An empty nest is not so fun, but it makes future moments more precious.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[nChrist]

I wish my kid would stop throwing his Barney doll in the washer. I'm tired of wearing purple shorts.  

[nChrist]

Rebuked by her mother for being sullen and grouchy, the teenage daughter responded, "How come when it's me it's temper, and when it's you it's nerves?