CHRISTIAN JOKES/ NOT FOR PHARISEES

[His Messenger]

pedestrians AND Catholics  

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross.  A cop was directing traffic.  Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!"

The swelling throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection.

Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion.  Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people.  Tweeeeeeeet!  "Okay, pedestrians!"

The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put.

She looked at her watch and tapped her foot as if she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but never budged from the sidewalk.  The cop ran the traffic through seven more cycles, each time blowing his whistle and then yelling "Okay, pedestrians!"  The blonde never moved.

Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the eighth time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo!  Officer!  Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"

LOL

[Brother Love]

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how  Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his  mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny,  what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm
going to have a wife."

[Brother Love]

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

[Brother Love]

Managing to pull himself onto the bus early one morning, the drunk stumbled over passengers, knocked over bags and briefcases, and finally fell into a seat beside a prim old woman. He slumped over her, and she pushed him back. “Mister,” she said indignantly. “I hate to say it, but you are going straight to hell!”

Startled, the drunk leapt to his feet. “ I’m on the wrong bus!”  
 
 

[His Messenger]

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

I have enyed them all Brother Love

His Messenger

[Brother Love]

Did you hear about the three ministers who were talking about
their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church?

The first: "I shot at them with a shotgun; but it only spoiled
the woodwork."

The second: "I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back to the church!"

The third (who was looking pretty smug): "I caught them, and
baptized and confirmed each one. I haven't seen them since."

[Brother Love]

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to
come out of the bottle.  During her struggle the
phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy,"
the child said to her mother..........Then she added,
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now.  She's hitting the bottle."  

[Brother Love]

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it.  What he
saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in
between the pages. "Mama, look what I found",
the boy called out.

" What have you got there, dear?"  

With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

[Brother Love]

God is Like...

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results:

BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.

a FORD
He's got a better idea.

COKE
He's the real thing.

HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.

TIDE
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.

SEARS
He has everything.

ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you'll like Him.

SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see him, but you know He's there.

DELTA
He's ready when you are.

ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.

VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him?
Don't you wish everybody did?

the U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

[Brother Love]

A young lady came home from a date and her mother could see she had been crying. "What's wrong dear?" asked the mother.

"Oh Mom!" said the girl "My boyfriend asked me to marry him tonight!"

"What's the matter dear, don't you love him?" asked the mother.

"I do love him" said the girl... "But tonight he told me that he's an atheist! He doesn't even believe there is a hell mom!!!"

The mother just smiled and said "You marry him anyway ... between the two of us we'll show him just how wrong he is!"

[Brother Love]

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."

[Brother Love]

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

[Brother Love]

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot    on their foreheads. We have naively thought it had something to do with their religion.

The true story has just been revealed by the Indian  Embassy in Washington. When one of these women  gets married, on her wedding night, the husband  scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, or a motel in  Florida.

[Brother Love]

The new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it  seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated  knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back  and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his  card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis  3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for  I was naked."

[Brother Love]

Great Religious Truths:

  Muslims do not recognize Judaism as a religion.
   Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
   Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of  the  Christian faith.
   Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

 

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