Hellboy

[Sapphire W34P0N]

I can see the board meeting now...

Highest-powered executive: Ok, people. It seems like the big thing in the movie industry right now is comic book translations. Marvel has done a bunch, they're doing a bunch more, and making billions. We need to jump on this unstoppable bandwagon, but we need a comic that WASN'T made by Marvel to, you know, avoid any lawsuits. Any ideas?

[Pause while executives think]

Executive #1: Hey! I've got it! What about those Dark Horse comics...uh...what were they called...? Oh, yeah! Hellboy! I mean, just think of the money we'll rake in from the name alone!

Executive #2: Now, hold on. We need to read these first so that fans won't give our movie a bad rap.

All: Good idea.

[Executives leave, read comic books, and come back next day]

Highest-powered executive: So what did you guys think? Is it movie material?

Executive #1: Well, yes. But the plot was a bit confusing and it's not like we could fit the whole story into one movie...

Executive #2: That's not a problem. We'll just take a bunch of stuff out to make it more confusing, leave a bunch of plot holes, and ignore any kind of character development. The movie may not be four stars, but hey, it'll fit inside two and a half hours.

Executive #3: And, of course, that's all that matters.

Highest-powered executive: Of course. Now, what can we add to it to make it a real blockbuster?

Executive #4: Oh, oh! I've got it! Every movie, and certainly every superhero, needs a catch phrase, a one-liner of some sort, correct? Well, we'll need to give Hellboy one or two, won't we?

Executive #2: Why not make it thirty or forty? After all, the more the better, right?

Executive #1: Darn right. I mean, look at Independence Day. That movie had a bunch of one-liners, and it grossed more than any other movie the year it hit theaters.

Executive #3: And graphics! Graphics are "in" now, so we need good graphics.

Highest-powered executive: And everyone hates Nazis, so let's make them the bad guys. Oh, and Satan, too. Gotta have Satan. And the water-guy should have an English accent. He's supposed to be smart after all. Ok! Looks like we're all set! I'll let you guys tackle this project while I go cruise around in my Mustang! Later, guys.

All: Bye!

[All leave]

As you can see, I'm knocking this movie left and right. While I really didn't expect this movie to blow me away, I was expecting a little more than what I got.

I mean, this movie had enough one-liners to make me believe I was watching Conan O'Brien make fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and none of them were really that good, witty, or even original. I cringed when I heard a lot of the rest of the dialougue because it was all so predictable. The acting, however, was actually pretty good, and this is one of the two areas the movie shined in.

The plot was interesting, though very poorly executed. I have never read the Hellboy comic books, so I have no idea how close the movie was to the comic's story, but it all seemed overdone and incomplete at the same time. Plot holes were littered all throughout the movie, and I was surprised that not even one of the characters fell into one. Most of them just hurt the movie in a way that pushed it beyond redemption, and I think some kind of prequel might be necessary to clear the air a little. If it comes to that, though, let's hope they skip it because after how much of a let-down this movie was, I don't really care enough about the characters to see what their history is.

The other area this movie actually blew me away in was the graphics. While some of them weren't necessarily life-like, they were all absolutely stunning and beautiful. If you're looking for an example of what computer technology can do in movies today, take a look at this movie and take notes.

The character development, when there was any, was rushed and careless. I didn't feel a thing for any of the characters, and mixed with poor plot development, made the movie seem less than 2-D. I did, however, really like Hellboy's devil-may care attitude (haha! I just made a joke!), though it didn't really define his person. It was more just there for the sake of giving the movie a dry humor kind of feel. That's not really a good thing to center on, however, and it was that which helped greatly in the movie's downfall.

It really makes me mad, though, to watch this movie and realize that it could have been so much better. There were faults from the start, and they continued all the way to the end of the movie. Most of these problems probably could have been fixed in one way or another, but it's clear that the producers just didn't care enough. If you're going to take an apathetic stance on movie-making, don't make a movie at all, because the result will be poor 99% of the time.

I give Hellboy 2 out of 4 stars, because the acting was good (not great), and the graphics rocked my world.

*Note: To any Christians who are afraid of seeing some Satanic things, this move is probably best left alone, because there are a lot of occult-ish things in it. Just thought some of you might like to know.

[Tibby]

Remember when you didn’t need gimmicks to view movies? I miss those days.

lol, joking, good review.

this movie had enough one-liners to make me believe I was watching Conan O'Brien make fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and none of them were really that good, witty, or even original. I cringed when I heard a lot of the rest of the dialougue because it was all so predictable... the character development, when there was any, was rushed and careless. I didn't feel a thing for any of the characters, and mixed with poor plot development, made the movie seem less than 2-D... It really makes me mad, though, to watch this movie and realize that it could have been so much better. There were faults from the start, and they continued all the way to the end of the movie. Most of these problems probably could have been fixed in one way or another, but it's clear that the producers just didn't care enough.

Yep. Sounds like a comic movie to me!

[Willowbirch]

Executive #2: Now, hold on. We need to read these first so that fans won't give our movie a bad rap.

All: Good idea.

[Executives leave, read comic books, and come back next day]

Heeheehee...good one, Sapphire.

(And thanks for the warning... )

[sincereheart]

I can see the board meeting now...

Highest-powered executive: Ok, people. It seems like the big thing in the movie industry right now is comic book translations. Marvel has done a bunch, they're doing a bunch more, and making billions. We need to jump on this unstoppable bandwagon, but we need a comic that WASN'T made by Marvel to, you know, avoid any lawsuits. Any ideas?

[Pause while executives think]

Executive #1: Hey! I've got it! What about those Dark Horse comics...uh...what were they called...? Oh, yeah! Hellboy! I mean, just think of the money we'll rake in from the name alone!

Executive #2: Now, hold on. We need to read these first so that fans won't give our movie a bad rap.

All: Good idea.

[Executives leave, read comic books, and come back next day]

Highest-powered executive: So what did you guys think? Is it movie material?

Executive #1: Well, yes. But the plot was a bit confusing and it's not like we could fit the whole story into one movie...

Executive #2: That's not a problem. We'll just take a bunch of stuff out to make it more confusing, leave a bunch of plot holes, and ignore any kind of character development. The movie may not be four stars, but hey, it'll fit inside two and a half hours.

Executive #3: And, of course, that's all that matters.

Highest-powered executive: Of course. Now, what can we add to it to make it a real blockbuster?

Executive #4: Oh, oh! I've got it! Every movie, and certainly every superhero, needs a catch phrase, a one-liner of some sort, correct? Well, we'll need to give Hellboy one or two, won't we?

Executive #2: Why not make it thirty or forty? After all, the more the better, right?

Executive #1: Darn right. I mean, look at Independence Day. That movie had a bunch of one-liners, and it grossed more than any other movie the year it hit theaters.

Executive #3: And graphics! Graphics are "in" now, so we need good graphics.

Highest-powered executive: And everyone hates Nazis, so let's make them the bad guys. Oh, and Satan, too. Gotta have Satan. And the water-guy should have an English accent. He's supposed to be smart after all. Ok! Looks like we're all set! I'll let you guys tackle this project while I go cruise around in my Mustang! Later, guys.

All: Bye!

[All leave]

As you can see, I'm knocking this movie left and right. While I really didn't expect this movie to blow me away, I was expecting a little more than what I got.

I mean, this movie had enough one-liners to make me believe I was watching Conan O'Brien make fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and none of them were really that good, witty, or even original. I cringed when I heard a lot of the rest of the dialougue because it was all so predictable. The acting, however, was actually pretty good, and this is one of the two areas the movie shined in.

The plot was interesting, though very poorly executed. I have never read the Hellboy comic books, so I have no idea how close the movie was to the comic's story, but it all seemed overdone and incomplete at the same time. Plot holes were littered all throughout the movie, and I was surprised that not even one of the characters fell into one. Most of them just hurt the movie in a way that pushed it beyond redemption, and I think some kind of prequel might be necessary to clear the air a little. If it comes to that, though, let's hope they skip it because after how much of a let-down this movie was, I don't really care enough about the characters to see what their history is.

The other area this movie actually blew me away in was the graphics. While some of them weren't necessarily life-like, they were all absolutely stunning and beautiful. If you're looking for an example of what computer technology can do in movies today, take a look at this movie and take notes.

The character development, when there was any, was rushed and careless. I didn't feel a thing for any of the characters, and mixed with poor plot development, made the movie seem less than 2-D. I did, however, really like Hellboy's devil-may care attitude (haha! I just made a joke!), though it didn't really define his person. It was more just there for the sake of giving the movie a dry humor kind of feel. That's not really a good thing to center on, however, and it was that which helped greatly in the movie's downfall.

It really makes me mad, though, to watch this movie and realize that it could have been so much better. There were faults from the start, and they continued all the way to the end of the movie. Most of these problems probably could have been fixed in one way or another, but it's clear that the producers just didn't care enough. If you're going to take an apathetic stance on movie-making, don't make a movie at all, because the result will be poor 99% of the time.

I give Hellboy 2 out of 4 stars, because the acting was good (not great), and the graphics rocked my world.

*Note: To any Christians who are afraid of seeing some Satanic things, this move is probably best left alone, because there are a lot of occult-ish things in it. Just thought some of you might like to know.

4 out of 4 stars for creativity!  

[peachykeen]

oh my gosh, sapphire, are you psycic or something?  cause' i was in that exact same meeting with the executives and thats EXACALLY what they said, word for word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  incredible.....

you notice that all hollywood is doing now are sequels, trilogies, two-part movies, and re-makes of old movies, books, or comics (for example, the remake of oceans eleven, and now they're making a sequel called Ocean's Twelve.  I'll bet money that Julia Roberts is the 12th).  Just like Joan and God said in Joan of Arcadia...seems to me like they're having a lack of imagniation.  

sigh....where will we go from here?

seeing with my heart, peachy.

[Tibby]

Yeah, once I read a book that said "There is nothing new under the Sun." Now lets see... where is that quote from...

Anyways, people have been copying older stuff for ages, this in itself isn't somehing new. It is just easier to pick out with Mass Media and all.