Children's punishment

[Shylynne]

That was a nice post coyote, especially noted the Of course that is the maximum punishment and rarely used anymore.

I think children that are disciplined properly when they are young, dont require a whole lot when they are older, which goes along with what you said. Now our children are 20/16/15, and except for the occassional minor infraction, sibling spats, and temperment checks, I can say with complete honesty they do not give us any problems that warrant concern.

Here I must insert, that we as christians can`t take complete credit, for the Spirit of God at work in a childs life, can accomplish more in steering them down the right path than what our human efforts  can, that being true even for us as adults. That being said, I believe our first job as parents is to PRAY for our children.
 
I can`t say I never spanked my kids, there were times they did get a paddling on the bottom, ie, if say a three year old persists in running unto the roadway,...but I also can`t say with a certianty that there were not times I was too quick to lash out, and perhaps those times had more to do with my own exasperated emotions than concern for my childs learning.
 
I was raised in a home where spanking was basically the only form of discipline. Much of what i`ve learned has been thru trial and error, but I made a decision early on to treat my children as the individuals they are, not all childrens temperments are the same, and not all punishments are effective for every child.  Some you have to be tough on so to speak, others a lecture will keep them from repeating the deemed offence.

Stepping outside the moment is something i`ve practised over the years, and is a good reminder concerning this idea of setting an example for our children, (even works with marriage). What I mean by this is to take pause, and ask ones self, if when my child marries, or has children of his/her own, will I cry tears of regret if they follow my example and  repeat these same actions, or words with thier own spouse or children? Something that really makes you judge yourself.

We dedicated our children to God when they were born, we know we answer solely to Him for how we raise them, so on a  daily basis we must be mindful  of how we listen, talk, react, lead, and set an example  etc, with these that really belong to Him. A fearful, awesome, wonderful responsibility, i`m glad He deemed me worthy  

[Shylynne]

I think this is an excellent article:

Godly Discipline Really Works

Misbehaving children are often reflections of poor parenting rather than bad behavior. What you need to know to make discipline an effective medium of teaching your child.

"Now you’ve done it! I will cane you so hard that you will never forget it," the angry
parent yelled at the abused child.

Punishment purposes to hurt because of hurt or anger. Too often, an angry or hurting parent uses punishment to "get back at" a child. Punishment actually becomes revenge. Such reaction to a child’s misbehavior cause lasting
harm to the child’s spirit both wounding and crushing a child’s spirit for the future. The end result in the child will be rebellion. That child will also grow into an adult parent who wounds and hurts his or her children so that the pain or curse is passed on to the next generation. Punishment provokes children to anger.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."
(Col. 3:21)

Discipline is God’s way of parenting. When a child misbehaves, we discipline. Discipline corrects and teaches. Punishment tries to make a child "pay" for what they have done wrong; whereas, discipline seeks to correct and teach a child.

Never discipline a child when reacting emotionally in anger to his words or behavior.
When a parent punishes out of an angry outburst, then the child only learns not to provoke a parent’s anger.

Rebuke. Discipline uses rebuke first.

A rebuking look or a word redirects wrong
behavior or words into right responses. Rebuke allows a child to make correction before the embarrassment of wrong becomes exposed.

Chasten. Then comes chastening if rebuke doesn’t work.
Chastening makes public a private wrong. Chastening brings to light a wrong motive or attitude behind a child’s words or behaviors. Chastening explains the wrong and teaches the right.

Scourge. Physical discipline like spanking, isolation, grounding, removal of privilege and enforcing previously set consequences becomes necessary when rebuke and chastening fail to turn a child to repentance.

While controlled and limited spanking on the behind may work with young children, it fails to be effective after about
six or seven. More reasoning accompanied by withdrawing privileges works best. Physical discipline applied simply to hurt a child or crush the spirit is abuse.

"My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives." (Heb. 12:4-5)

Misbehaving children are often reflections of poor parenting rather than bad behavior. What you need to know to make discipline an effective medium of teaching your child.

Be consistent in your discipline. There are four C’s to discipline:

1) Consistency --- Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you promise
to spank if the child disobeys another time, then spank if the child willfully disobeys.

How many times do you have to threaten before your child obeys? How loud must you get before your child pays attention to you?

Children learn when their parents’ really mean it. Because parents fail to follow up
their warnings with immediate correction, children learn to wait until the parent really means "business." You may be wasting valuable time and emotional energy with empty yelling and threatening.

Give a calm warning stating the reason for it.

Follow the warning with an announcement of the consequences if the child
fails to obey.

If the child continues to disobey, then take immediate action by
implementing the consequences.
No yelling, screaming or stern threats are needed. The parent determines when a child will receive correction not the reverse.

Are you willing to take action after the first warning? Start this process when a child is young and as he matures, he will know that your warnings are serious the first time.

"Discipline your son in his early years while there is hope. If you don’t you will ruin his life." (PROV. 19:18 TLB)

2) Calm --- Be calm instead of stormy in your discipline. An emotional reaction or
outburst instills fear instead of respect in a child. Your discipline should communicate that you love a child; and because of your love, you are teaching through discipline. An emotional reaction to a child’s misbehavior only leads a
child to think that you do not love or care for him or her.

3) Correct --- Don’t just emphasize what a child is doing wrong. Focus on how the
child can change both attitudes and actions in order to correct themselves. Think about driving a car or riding a bike. Both require steering and steering is comprised of constant correction. Often the steering wheel or handlebars are only moved slightly. But those constant corrects avoid wrecks.

No one wants their children to have wrecks. As a result, we not only point out what’s wrong, but we also take the time and make the effort to teach what’s right. Remember, parental discipline done right takes both time and effort. Parents who rush through parenting raise children who run away from responsibility and
maturity. Scripture instructs us:

"He who receives correction is prudent." (Psa. 15:5)

Correcting your child early in life prepares him or her for a future of being able to
receive wisdom and correction from other authority figures.

4) Covenant --- Your relationship with your child is based on a covenant not a legal system. Yes, covenants do set rules and establish boundaries. But those rules and boundaries are to protect the child not to punish him or her. Establish a loving covenant with your child so that your discipline happens within the context
of relationship not legalism.

Covenant communicates the love of God to a child. A child’s first picture of the Father is a parent. Loving discipline teaches a child about the love of the Father.

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them
when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie
down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your
hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
(Deut. 6:5-9)

Discipline is never easy or pleasant but it’s a necessary tool in helping your child mature into a man or woman of God.

Remember, you discipline just like the Lord --- out of your love for that child.

[edited for length] -
http://www.chc.org.sg/version3/harvesttimes/ht_17_06.cfm

[grace]

Wow, Shylynne, what a wonderful article!

Justice without love is not justice; love without justice is not love.

In His love,

-Grace

[twin_trip_mommy]

In our home it depends on the:

Act
Intent
Knowledge of it being acceptable or unacceptable
Heart at the time
Willingness to ask forgiveness or admit to the wrong

I have 5 children ages 5 and under. Husband and I have made it pretty clear what we accept and do not accept as behavior in our home. All the children (in our opinion) understand the main rules of the home. WE are pretty strict which makes us very loving parents.

I just pray that what we are doing now builds strong character and obedient God loving children (teens/adults) able to deal with the world/people around them.