soul mate

[prsawyer]

how does a guy or girl know that God sends your soul mate to you and what is the characteristics of a guy and girl of knowing their a christian or not. i met this guy where i go to college and we barely know each other and i prayed to God to send me a nice guy to me a week later this guy appears in my life do you think God answered my prayer i think so. seeing we just met neither of us know if the other person is a christian or not we really have not had a chance to talk alot. i'm a christian but this guy's character is quiet , piolet, sincere, kind , honest , caring, shy and happy person a real gentlemen who wants to get to know me and not the type of man who is after a womans body , he has given me alot of respect who is never harsh,, mad or gets angry and does not use foul language.i lived in the south all my life but this guy who has not lived here very long originally lived up north and mid west area so were from two different cultures. he does know that i have a brother that is a pastor which did not bother this guy when i mention it so how can i tell without asking him if he is a christian or not cause i don't want to scare him away and how do i know what God's purpose is with me and this guy who came into my life after praying to God sending me a nice guy. i have prayed to God to bless over this guy life whatever the situation is his life and watch over and protect him cause, i really care for this guy would not want anything to happen to him and we both know we like each other.  

[haya]

Hi prsawyer,

A little background on myself: I'm a 25 year old girl (in a couple weeks!). I became a Christian almost 6 years ago during university. I'm "born again," and I attend both a Presbyterian and Baptist church (one in my new city, the other in my hometown), and I consider myself evangelical with strict adherence to the Bible being the Word of God... I'm telling you this because I don't want to offend you with what I say. I want to answer your question very candidly about how I personally feel.

First of all your statement that really struck me was, "I don't want to scare him away." He seems like a wonderful guy, and one who you want to hold on to -- HOWEVER, if he is not a Christian, then he is not the one God wants you to be with. God explicitly tells us not to be "unequally yoked" (2 Corinthians 6:14) -- but I also like the verses where God tells us that the husband should be the spiritual head of the household. (There are many such verses all over the place, but one of the more popular is: Ephesians 5:22-33)

Now wait a minute, you may be thinking. Who said anything about marriage?
Well, personally I feel that dating just for the sake of dating isn't something that God wants us to dabble in. If it's all about temporary fun, and not about the possibility of long-term commitment (note, I say possibility because dating is about testing the waters), then it can too easily lead to sexual indulgences. Even if you "know your limits," why give your heart to someone who you'll end up breaking up with because of different worldviews?
If you want to date because you want companionship, someone to care for you, a shoulder to cry on, a man to hug and hold and hang out with -- just stick with a good friendship. It might be tough, but it honors the guy, it honors yourself, and it honors God.

Personally, I'm looking for a godly man. That's the most important, nonnegotiable, quality on my list. If I find someone who's got a great personality (kind, sincere, honest, and the other qualities that you listed), but he's not a follower of Jesus -- then he's not for me. I can maintain a friendship and pray for his salvation, but dating is out of the question.

Remember, God loves us intimately and personally, and He wants what's best for us. Sometimes we have a hard time figuring out what is best, but if we follow His Word carefully and keep praying faithfully, then His Holy Spirit will guide us. My advice: pray pray pray!!! And read Scripture - lots!! And talk to other Christians, mentors, people who are putting God first in their lives. (Perhaps you have an IVCF or CCC or Navigators or other Christian fellowship at your college?)
And talk to this guy, find out what his beliefs are. Just open up a conversation -- ask him what he does on Sundays, for instance! Or invite him to a church event with you, or say innocently, "so, does your church have any special events coming up?" hehehe..

I know it's hard to risk rejection... Sometimes I'm afraid to tell people that I'm a Christian because of the liberal views of this world, and the prejudices that people have against Christians.. but if this guy happens to have harsh feelings about Christians, then he's not the one for you right now (altho he could possibly be "the one" in the future if you pray for his salvation and he turns to Jesus!).

I hope I'm making sense and not coming across as too harsh or anything! (it's 1 am now and i'm getting too sleepy to make much sense.. lol) Anyways, feel free to send me a "PM" or reply to this topic if you have questions or refutations.. hehehehe...

Sister in Christ,
haya

[Willowbirch]

so how can i tell without asking him if he is a christian or not cause i don't want to scare him away

prsawyer, just do it! (my favorite saying!)   Ask him if he knows Christ. It won't scare him as much as you think, and perhaps you can bring him to salvation.

If he does refuse to listen to your faith, then perhaps he's not your "soul mate".   However, perhaps he is a Christian, or has been considering becoming one. Either way, its better off to know now.

[Whitehorse]

Hi, PR! I once heard a quote, and I really wish I could remember who saud it:

Tell me how a man spends his time, and I'll tell you what sort of man he is.

[prsawyer]

 i did mention to him that i have a brother who is a pastor and it did not scare him or make him stop talking to me , he talked more to me. i'm not afraid to tell anyone that i'm a christian but i have not had much time to really  sit down to talk to this guy the issue is not to scare him on me being a christian i don't mind to tell him that just the  general things by approaching him cause this guy is very reserve and so i 'm i. i guess i need to make him feel more comfortable seeing we just barely know each other i don't want to push him in a corner i need to warm up things first with him like his family background then once i know alot about him then he feel more comfortable around me than being afraid to approach me.

[Whitehorse]

That's a really good point. And really, you learn so much more just by observing than by asking anyway, because then the answer isn't "custom designed" to impress.  

[prsawyer]

how about this last semester when the first time me and this guy would pass by the other  between classes and we even sat beside each other neither of us looked at each other. it was not until when i prayed to God to send me a nice guy to me after that this guy started to notice me and went out of his way to get me to notice him. could this be a sign

[Whitehorse]

It's very possible. That would be a nice thing, and it's great you're seeking God's guidance. Is this young man a Christian?

[prsawyer]

 i do not know we just meet last semester and barely know each other. he does know i have a brother that is a pastor and i do wear a cross necklace which he can see  neither of these seems to bother him in fact when i told him my brother is a pastor he talked more but i have not come out and told him i'm a christian we only see each other in pass ing going to class not much time to talk alone but if i could ever get the chance to know him better and ask about is background and his beliefs.

[Whitehorse]

Keep us posted on how it goes. We're rooting for you. *hug*

[prsawyer]

 thanks for the advice could it be possible that this guy is my match or my soul mate. last semester when i started school the guy who i have a crush on let's say his name is neil. we would pass each other and we even sat beside each other and we acknowlodge the other person but we never really talked to each other. until one day this same guy started to stared and smiled  which he approached me first and i smiled  looked back.he really did not do this until  after one year of my fathers death which i was still down about that and also when i prayed to God to send me a nice guy. when this guy neil came into my life it made me feel alive again be a better person and he took  some of the pain i was feeling when i lost my father i have never been so happy. i feel and see a change in my life i treat others better than before my taste in music has changed no more hard rock now all i listen to is softer music love songs and country , pop  and christian music. clothes and other material things in life are not important to me as they was before or looks in a guy either i fell for what 's on the inside of this guy not his looks but he's not ugly either just a average looking guy who i think is very hansome in his own way. but life itself is worth living because of this guy. everytime i see him he always has a smile on his face and winks at me that he's happy to see me this always makes me feel special. i'm always showing him i'm glad to see him with my big smiling face. i will be patient and wait on Gods will.  

[Whitehorse]

I pray the Lord blesses you abundantly with a wonderful man to marry. Maybe it is him-that would really be nice! It's great that you're waiting on the Lord. He'll show you the things to look for in a godly spouse; I pray this man will be worthy of your godly goals, and that the Lord will open the right doors to a happy situation for you.

[prsawyer]

 thank you for the advice what would be some qualities without asking them if there a christian you know if this guy is godly or not. he's hardworking honest polite, sweet , gentle, caring , thoughtful and friendly well manner person and he has respect for me. family is important to him , he does not dwell on looks or money not the material things in life always seems to be  happy never raised his voice or lost his temper, he was in the military for 6 yrs. see waht you think?

[Whitehorse]

Those sound like some very fine qualities.

Here is the very first step in finding out if this is God's will for you: he must belong to the Lord. This  means a true, committed lifestyle, from the heart.

2 Corinthians 6

6:14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Finding someone you really like is wonderful. It's an exciting time, and I hope this is the right guy for you. It never hurts to find out sooner than later whether this just might be the case.  

Have you asked him whether he is a Christian yet?

[prsawyer]

no i have not had a chance to with us only passing each other between classes and were both going full time to school and we work. maybe if we could ever get a break and know where the other person is at on campus we could sit down and talk. which he did moved from WI to TN so it is a change but i do not know how WI people are about faith of course he's orginally from Chicago, his first time living in the south and he chose Tn because, of the climate. i guess i need to wait for Gods timing it's just discouraging cause i want to ask this guy these questions especially about his faith and really get to know him but i'm willing to wait on this guy if thats what God wants me to do.