Hi alien_youth,
The first thing to be concerned about is that you are in conversation with God. As such we should not be concerned with what others think of that prayer but rather what God might think. We talk to Him as we would our own parents or a very close friend when we are asking them for something. After all God is our Father and the best friend that we can ever have.
Long prayers are not necessary, sometimes the short brief and to the point prayers are the best. An important thing to keep in mind is that it should come from your heart, a request that you are honestly concerned about whether it is for others or for yourself. A prayer list can help you remember the things that are of concern to you that you wish to ask Him for.
For more detail on prayers I suggest reading the following thread:
http://forums.christiansunite.com/index.php?topic=13134.0