BULL

[Brother Love]

WANNA RETIRE TO FLORIDA?  HERE'S WHAT ONE REFERENCE HAS TO SAY.

Dear diary:
April 30th:
Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this  is a state
that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
evenings.
What  a  place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was
beautiful.  I've finally found my home. I love it here.

May 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, I live in an
air-conditioned home and drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to  see  the sun every
day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 5th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of
palms and  rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE
SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 1st:
The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night.
Where are  those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot.
Getting used  to  it will take a while, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection,
though. I'll have to remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my
car.
Got  one of  those fuzzy steering wheel covers, cheaper than the burn
ointment for  my  hands.  I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though: got  to  respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this
morning. By  the  time I got out to the car for lunch, he'd swollen up to
the size of shopping  bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all
over $2,000 worth of  leather  upholstery. I told the kids he ran away.
The car now smells like  Kibble and  poop. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th:
Ocean breezes, my foot. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on
the  fritz  and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he
needed to order parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be
a  hurricane.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting
the swamp  mosquitoes that are as big as B-52's. $1,500 in darn
house payments  and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here
Aug 4th:
100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and  gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost
as  much as the house payment. And two old lady drivers almost ran me
off  the road. I hate this state.

Aug 8th:
If another wise jerk cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going
to tear  his head off. Damn heat! By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted
Garfield!!

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and  sunny.
It's  been too hot for two #@*& months and the weatherman says it might
really  warm up  next week. And whoever came up with the statement,
"it may be hot, but at  least you don't have to shovel it" should die from heat
exhaustion. Doesn't it ever rain in this God-forsaken place??

Aug 14th:
Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack  the
window  and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to
fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?". My wife had to spend
the $1,500  house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th:
Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon
rains  finally  came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell and drove
the damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could  fly!
The  Lincoln is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new
$500  windshield.
That does it, we're moving back to  Ohio where all you have to
worry about  is  getting mugged.

I hope this state breaks in half and floats to Cuba.

Thats some real Bull, I LOVE Florida, I HATE "SNOW" dead trees, grass etc, etc

Brother Love

[Brother Love]

these stories were checked on "TruthorFiction" and it says they are true.

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years  ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous
for anything heroic. His exploits were anything but  praise-worthy.
He was, however, notorious for enmeshing  the windy city in everything
from bootlegged booze and  prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer in Chicago nicknamed "Easy  Eddie." He was his lawyer
for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In  fact, Eddie's skill at
legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail  for a long time. To show
his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not  only was the money big,
but Eddie got special dividends. For  instance, he and his family
occupied
a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the
day. The estate was so  large that it filled an entire Chicago City
block.
Yes, Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little

consideration to  the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have
one
soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to  it
that
his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars, and  a good
education.

Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement
with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.
Yes, Eddie tried to teach his son to rise above his own sordid life.
Eddie
wanted his son to be a better man than he was.  Yet, with all his wealth
and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son;
two things that Eddie sacrificed to the Capone mob that he couldn't pass
on to his beloved son: a good name and a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Offering his son a good
name was far more important than all the riches he could lavish on him.
Easy Eddie wanted to rectify all the wrong he had done. He decided he

would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al  "Scarface"
Capone; he would try to clean up his tarnished name and offer his son
some semblance of integrity. But to do this, he would have to testify
against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.  But more
than anything, he wanted to be an example to his son. He  wanted to do
his best to make restoration and, hopefully, have a  good name to leave
his son. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a
lonely
Chicago Street.  But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift
he
had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay.
* * * * *

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes.  One such man was Lieutenant Commander
Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier
Lexington in the South Pacific. One day his entire squadron was sent
on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and

realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would
not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.

His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he
dropped
out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned
his blood cold. A squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their
way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a
sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his
squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he
warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do.
He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of
personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes.

Wing-mounted 50 calibers blazed as he charged in, attacking one
surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the

now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all
his ammunition was finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to
clip off a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as
possible and rendering them unfit to fly. He was desperate to do anything
he could to keep them from reaching the American ships. Finally, the
exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply
relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the
carrier.

Upon  arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding  his
return.
The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It
showed
the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact
destroyed five  enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and
for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the
first
Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of  Honor.


A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.
His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and
today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of
this
great man. So the next time  you find yourself at O'Hare International,
give
some thought to  visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his
Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1  and  2.
* * * * *
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.

Thanks Forrest, thats a keeper


Brother Love

[Forrest]

"LAWYER VS FARMER"
A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and a large
railroad company. The
farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field through
which the railroad passed.
He filed suit against the railroad company for the value of the cow. The
case was to be tried
before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney immediately
cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court.
The lawyer did his best selling job, keeping the conversation moving and
not letting the farmer
get much of a word in. The farmer finally agreed to take half of what he
was claiming to settle
the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the
young lawyer couldn't help
but gloat a little over his success. He said to the farmer, "You know, I
hate to tell you this,
but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The
engineer was asleep and
the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm
that morning. I didn't have
one witness to put on the stand."
The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a
little worried about winning
that case myself. That durned cow came home this morning!"  

[Ambassador4Christ]

"LAWYER VS FARMER"
A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and a large
railroad company. The
farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field through
which the railroad passed.
He filed suit against the railroad company for the value of the cow. The
case was to be tried
before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney immediately
cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court.
The lawyer did his best selling job, keeping the conversation moving and
not letting the farmer
get much of a word in. The farmer finally agreed to take half of what he
was claiming to settle
the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the
young lawyer couldn't help
but gloat a little over his success. He said to the farmer, "You know, I
hate to tell you this,
but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The
engineer was asleep and
the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm
that morning. I didn't have
one witness to put on the stand."
The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a
little worried about winning
that case myself. That durned cow came home this morning!"  

Another good one Forrest, thanks Bro  

[Brother Love]

LOL

Brother Love

[Brother Love]

The weakest link

Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them
instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are

Ready?

GO!!! (scroll down)




First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.What position
are you in?








Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If
you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!




Try not to mess up in the next question. To answer the second question, don't
take as much time as you took for the first question.









Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?










Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can YOU overtake the LAST person?!

You're not very good at this are you?








Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.






Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000.
Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?




Scroll down for answer..









Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.  Don't believe it? Check
with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?







Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.


What is the name of the fifth daughter?








Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again






KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN YOUR LIFE!

Brother Love

[Ambassador4Christ]

The weakest link

Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them
instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are

Ready?

GO!!! (scroll down)




First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.What position
are you in?








Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If
you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!




Try not to mess up in the next question. To answer the second question, don't
take as much time as you took for the first question.









Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?










Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can YOU overtake the LAST person?!

You're not very good at this are you?








Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.






Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000.
Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?




Scroll down for answer..









Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.  Don't believe it? Check
with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?







Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.


What is the name of the fifth daughter?








Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again






KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN YOUR LIFE!

Brother Love

I like it, I like it

Thanks Brother Love

[TigerLily]

George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife  told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see  from the bedroom window.
 George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there  were  people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked"Is someone in your house?" and he said "no." Then they said that all patrols  were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30,and  phoned the police again. "Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because  there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them  because I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.
  Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an  ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you  said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"


ROFL.. thought this was so funny!!
Lya's TL

[TigerLily]

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the
salesman
- I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.
The surprised salesman replies: - But, madam, computers do not have curtains....
And the blonde said:









- Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROFl.. ok no offence to blondes, i to am a um well streaked blonde lol and this was sent to me by a blonde haha.. but oh goodness this one i think was the best blonde joke i have read up till now..!!!
hehe
lya.. TL

[Symphony]

some good ones, tigerlilly.

[Ambassador4Christ]

You get   tigerlily LOL I liked both of them

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy To All,

By the way, if you use the short form of Oklahoman like Will Rogers did, it's "Okie".  

Hilarious Signs:

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

[nChrist]

The weakest link

Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them
instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

Oklahoma Howdy to Brother Love,

 
I made a ZERO, so I must be the weakest link.

[nChrist]

Life Saver:

A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"

The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"

 

[nChrist]

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't grocer and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And
where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.