Boy, Alice, does that sound familiar!!!
A page right out of the story of my life.
I have never seen your posts, and I don't know what your background is, but if it is anything like mine was:
I'd pretty much decided that this whole Christianity thing was a load of crap that just didn't make sense, too. Then one day, to my utter astonishment, a person I met said something about Christianity
that made sense! And Then something else...
And then something else...
I have since joined a Christian community and I once again call myself a Christian- and I never thought
that would happen, let me tell you! I don't agree with and accept everything that all the various members of my community believe; I struggle with plenty of things still, and I think that any Christian who is the least bit thoughtful does too. I keep having these fights with the apostle Paul...
But genuine Christianity is ANYTHING BUT a neat unambiguous formula, or a complete set of pat answers. My community has the grace and wisdom to allow me to struggle, and to love and support me as I struggle.
I had had a very legalistic idea of who God was. I have come to discover, ironically enough, that my turning away from God as I then understood Him
was in fact very Godly! Please, see my testimony in the Fellowship section.
I've heard it said that nothing can come between Man and God quite like religion. Give up religion if you must, but please don't give up on God! They are not one and the same. Keep praying; you don't have to go to church or officially adhere to this or that doctrine to pray to God and Jesus.
Personally, I believe that He'll draw you back, in His good time and in yours.
There is much to be gained from sharing your live and faith with a grace-based faith community; it is God's intention, I believe, that we live this way.
In the meantime, please believe that there
can be joy and freedom in the Christian faith, and that it is possible to live such a life without taking leave of reason.
In His love,
-Grace