Jest for laughs

[IrishAngel]

uh oh

won`t that increase the incidents of stroke amoung men?

I mean really, do they WANT us running a-muck thru thier territory?  

[Willowbirch]

Computer T-Shirt Slogans


Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT'

Shell to DOS, Come in DOS, do you COPY?

All computers wait at the same speed.

Computer: A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Go ahead, make my data!

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to sender: Insufficient voltage.

Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Error! Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

DOS Tip #1701: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Press any key... no, No, NO!! Not THAT one!

Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...

[sincereheart]

I Wanna Be a Bear
~Unknown

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you're a female bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup... gonna be a bear.
 

[Willowbirch]

  Why wait? I could be a bear right now, couldn't you?

[IrishAngel]

LOL!  

[Forrest]

   Willow;
   IrishAngel is a true Angel here is a pic. of Her
   
   so she is no bear

[IrishAngel]

LOL forrest!  THAT could seriously get me picked on by sincereheart  

[Willowbirch]

  Willow;
   IrishAngel is a true Angel here is a pic. of Her
   
   so she is no bear

WOW! I never knew! (And it looks like she got a little too much sparkling punch, as well!)

[IrishAngel]

whatever happened to we women sticking together!

sparkling punch LOL willow your not helping!  


I assure you I do not sparkle...I think forrest is trying to say I toot my own horn or sumthin  

[IrishAngel]

The Best Thing In Waking Up......

Is coffee in your cup......

Lovely Lady opens her eyes. The morning sun is shining through sparkling clean windows. Coffee aromas are penetrating the house as Lovely Lady breaths deeply. Lovely Lady arises from bed with hair and makeup fully intact from a restful nights sleep. She makes her way to the immaculate kitchen to pour her coffee.. Lovely Lady smiles as Lovely Hubby enters and kisses her cheek. Mr. And Mrs. Lovely sigh and enjoy their cup of the best thing of their morning!

End of advertisement.

I can’t help but wonder what in the world is wrong with me!

Not So Lovely Lady opens eyes and sees the birds have been taking target shots at her windows. Not So Lovely Lady rises from bed and trips over tennis shoes while she contemplates the rats nests in her hair. She heads for the kitchen to make the coffee because the timer is broken on her coffee maker. Not So Lovely Lady realizes she forgot to buy coffee filters! Not So Lovely Lady improvises and substitutes a paper towel while imagining McGuyver would be proud! Rumbling through last nights dishes in the sink she rinses out a cup. She pours her coffee and sighs while Not So Lovely Hubby snores through 1-2-3 cups!

End of reality!

The truth is that life is never as pretty as portrayed by actors in advertisements.

Do you sometimes wonder why your life is not picture perfect?

Join the crowd!

I imagine that coffee in a cup may not be all it’s made out to be!

The Lord faced people that wanted to understand why they had troubles. I am sure that coffee and clean windows was the last thing on their minds, but here is what He said.

Joh:16:33: These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

This world is not picture perfect...but be of good cheer! We can have peace in Christ Jesus!

[Willowbirch]

I assure you I do not sparkle...I think forrest is trying to say I toot my own horn or sumthin  

Oh no, I don't think so - its kind of sweet, actually!  

[Willowbirch]

This isn't as funny, as it is interesting...

 ABOVE US ! (anonymous)
If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is
entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to
fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
 
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble
creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is        
placed on the floor or flat ground, all! it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there
until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
 
In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. They are struggling with all their problems
and frustrations, not ever realizing that the answer is right there "Above" them.
 
                "That's the way it is Folks"

[Tamara]

Now that is fact Darling!  I've got a set myself!  Pink and blue and primrose too!

Love..Tamara

[peachykeen]

i LOVED your story--my grandma (step-grandma sort of, only 55 years old) was speaking with my aunt one day, when she reached over to pull a black hair out of her face (her hair is white, however).  and when she tried to pull it, she felt it stick to the skin.  Turns out it had been about a 4 inch black hair that had been growing on her chest!  so what i mean to say is, don't worry-it happens to the best of us!!!

[nChrist]

Oklahoma Howdy to All,

OK, I know I'm not a woman, but let me share this story with you and I'll vacate.  

--------------

AM OLDIE, BUT A GOODIE.

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?".

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?

"Yes" was his incredulous reply. She answered,

"Well, today I didn't do it."
-----------------------------

Send this page to another woman. I'm not a woman, but my daughter sent it to me anyway.

In Christ,
Tom