marriage between believer and unbeliever

[ivan]

hi
I would like to hear you opinion about marriage between believer and unbeliever.
The church which I serve is pretty young and we had not such event before. But now it is very important questions for us.

[M]

2 Cor 6:14   "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers."   We have all heard this one.  Fellowships and business partnerships can be difficult with unbelievers as they can lead to conflict of morals.  Marriage is much more intimate relationship.

More about marriage is discussed in 1Cor:7 especially in verses 12-16 but this is meant for couples who were already married when one of them became a believer later.  Paul also speaks of believers not marrying at all.  This was because Christians were being persecuted at the time and life would be more difficult for a man to support his wife.

Believing Christians should be encouraged to marry other believing Christians.  Some people claim to be Christians but they are what I call "cultural Christians"  (start another thread if you want to discuss 'cultural Christians').  When couples come to a church asking for a marriage ceremony, it can be a start to a Christian life or a path that will lead them stumbling.  One Christian marrying another Christian will usually result in them becoming stronger in their faith (we hope).  

What do you think would happen if a couple comes to a church to ask for a marriage ceremony and is refused because one of them is not a Christian?  They will go somewhere else.  Very rarely will they break up.  So your church will have to set up some guidelines about who they will or will not marry.

First of all, you might like to establish if the couple have any association with your church.  Is one of them a member or are their parents members?  Why do they want to marry at your particular church?  

Second, how committed is the non-Christian to their own faith?  Are they converting or have they considered converting?  Be careful is accepting their answer as some people will lie.  What would the point of an insincere conversion?  How could that please God?  If they are not planning to convert, will they pledge to have any children of the marriage union (or children they have already) educated in Christian doctrine and baptised? (if your denomination practices this,  please don't debate on this thread)  How will the couple celebrate holidays of both the families?  Are there going to be two marriage ceremonies (Christian and other) ? How do each of the couple's families feel about the marriage and how are they going to handle any conflicts that arise?They should have already discussed this before coming into the pastor's office.  You might even consider interviewing them separately.  If they can't agree of these issues then they should be encouraged to work these issue out before it is agreed to marry them.

Third, you might want to refer them to a pre-marriage counselling course which I would recommend to any couple marrying.  Even if there is a fee involved for the counselling, it is much cheaper than a divorce.  

Churches shouldn't be in the "wedding chapel" business.  Not everyone who walks in the door asking for a marriage ceremony should get one.  What church wants people to have bad marriages?   I think the congregation, elders should have some imput into who is married in their church.  

I wouldn't say no to people marrying outside their faith.  Not all believers are very strong in their faith.  But why turn away the believer just because they do not listen to your good advice?  If they marry somewhere else, they might stop coming to church altogether.  Sometimes the non-believer will convert but the believer should be warned that it might be a long time coming.  Still it should be the final decision of the officiator (legally ordained minister) who he will marry.

[Reba]

 Amen "M"

 My bit to add to the topic Dont do it i did. We are still married almost 41 years but i wish i had listened to that still small voice that  said  'dont be unequally yoked"

[ivan]

this is what one my friend send me

Nothing should be more important to you or to the person you marry than your spiritual well-being. Abraham knew that. He had his servant travel a great distance (over 400 miles) to find a spiritually compatible bride for his son. It wasn't simply that he was a protective and controlling father--he knew the lasting significance of marriage. Genesis 24 helps us to understand why.
Abraham gave his servant (probably his faithful old servant, Eliezer, mentioned in 15:2) these strict orders: "You will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac" (vv.3-4). The Canaanites were notorious idolaters of the basest kind. Their gods and goddesses promoted worship that included human sacrifices and fertility rites with perverse sex.
Okay, so maybe the person you've been dating doesn't go to a church that promotes human sacrifices or sexual rituals and doesn't worship fertility gods. The issue, though, is who he is worshiping. Does the person in whom you have a romantic interest know Jesus Christ as Savior? And is that person living for Him? Modern-day Canaanites are not always so obviously pagan. They can appear religious in a positive sense, but being religious is not enough.
Second Corinthians 6:14-15 states, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" (NIV). When the apostle Paul wrote those words, he was not speaking specifically of marriage, but the principle certainly applies. A person who puts his faith in Christ is born again (Jn. 3:3-16), and "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation" (2 Cor. 5:17). Such a radical transformation of our inner spiritual being should have a profound impact on our priorities, our goals, our lifestyles, and our relationships.
First Corinthians 7:39 indicates that a widow, if she chooses to remarry, should marry a man who is "in the Lord." He must be a believer, a person who lives by faith in Jesus Christ. It makes sense that this applies not only to widows but to anyone who is considering marriage.
The law God gave to Moses contained prohibitions against intermarrying with the pagans of the surrounding nations. Deuteronomy 7:3-4 states, "Nor shall you make marriages with them. . . . For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods."
Even though Solomon knew better, he misused his kingly prerogatives and married all sorts of foreign wives who served idols. As a result, "when Solomon was old, . . . his wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God" (1 Ki. 11:4). Both Solomon and the whole nation suffered (vv.11-13).
Throughout Israel's history, when the people married unbelieving pagans, there was a profound, negative influence on the Israelites. Even after their punishment at the hands of foreign armies, the Jews who returned to Jerusalem had to be rebuked by both Ezra and Nehemiah (Ezra 910; Neh. 13:23-27), and later by Malachi (2:11-12). Love, lust, and circumstances blinded them to what they knew was right and wrong.
We must be on guard against the temptation to overlook this most basic issue of spiritual compatibility. Just because the other person is "gorgeous," "a hunk," "kind and considerate," or seems to be "genuinely in love with me," don't allow feelings to lead you to trample on your relationship with the Lord.
Even though the apostles Paul and Peter spoke of the possibility of winning an unbelieving spouse to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:12-16; 1 Pet. 3:1-2), that does not mean we should go into marriage knowing we are spiritually incompatible. A believer who marries an unbeliever may be facing a lifetime of spiritual unrest in the marriage and a battle for the spiritual well-being of their children.
This is what I would like for you to think over. Why do some Christians choose to marry an unbeliever even though they know it's not right? What areas of conflict could develop in a marriage if the two are not believers? What effect could this type of marriage have on the faith of their children as they grow up?

[chilibowl]

As you can no doubt see their is alot of scripture on the matter, and I'm sure that if your thread stays up long enough someone will cut'n paste the other half of the bible up there.

just from personal experience...

 You can cry now cause you lost "him/Her" Or Cry for the rest of the marriage, cause you got him/her.. And depending on Where you are in your relationship With God, this will bring you closer to God or Drive you Away..
The real scarry thing about it is, you won't know where you'll be standing with God till your there... Some of us are lucky and we Suffer and endure with god, and the rest Suffer with out..
 

[Bronzesnake]

 When I married my sweet lady about twenty years ago, I wasn't what you would called "born again" but I did believe in jesus - I just ignored Him  

My wife was not a believer at all. She had a brutal childhood with two drunk and mean parents. They have both quit drinking in the last few years and are much better company now...that's a whole other thread.

My wife saw the change in my life once I accepted Jesus, and over a couple of years she wanted in. We are now both dedicated Christians.

So, you just never know do ya?

Bronzesnake