HEADLINES

[cris]

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2004




CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER
                (imagine that!)

SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS
                           (no, really?)

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?
          (not if I wipe thoroughly!)

PANDA MATING FAILS: VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
                     (what a guy!)

MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
 (do you think it'll work better than a fair trial?)

WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
(I can see where it might have that effect!)

IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST AWHILE
                           (you think?)

ENFIELD (LONDON) COUPLE SLAIN: POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
               (they may be on to something!)

continued

[cris]

continued


RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES
(you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)

MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTENING FACES BATTERY CHARGE
              (he probably IS the battery!)

NEW STUDY ON OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
               (weren't they fat enough?)

ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
    (that's what he gets for eating thos beans!)

KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
      (tastes like chicken!)

CHEF THROWS HIS HEART INTO HELPING FEED NEEDY
           (that was really giving of himself!)

LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
    (Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
              (boy, they're really tall!)


                     and the winner is


TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY: HUNDREDS DEAD



Received these via email today and thought I'd share them with you all.

cris