Sexual Immorality

[Philippians 4:13]

I come to you a saved man who finds himself receding farther from God everyday. I am guilty of sexual immorality and I'm having a lot of trouble stopping it. I know that God says, "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). I seriously find myself at a loss of how to control my roving eyes and my wandering mind. My wife knows what I do, and we talk about it and try to figure out ways to comfront the problem and "fix" it. But nothing seems to work. A lot of people tell me to pray and seek God's wisdom, but with this sin looming over me, I find myself feeling like God is someone in the in-crowd and I'm not worthy to hang out with Him. I feel like because of my sin, God doesn't hear my prayers as He would of someone with a more pure heart. I'm asking all who have either had this problem, or know someone who has, to please (1) PRAY FOR ME and (2) Give me some advice.

I am reading a book called "every man's battle" by Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and with Mike Yorkey. It seems to be starting off good and promises to help me work out a plan when I'm finished reading it, but I'm scared it won't be enough.

I come from the group of people in the world that says and thinks that we can't control our eyes or our minds. You know the people, "it's ok to look as long as I don't touch," or the, "I can look at the menu as long as I always come home for dinner." Well, I'm sick of looking at someone else's menu when all I want is to eat at my own resteraunt. Not sure if that's an appropriate thought, but I mean it in the purest sense.

With this sexual immorality sin looming over my head, not only am I not giving my beautiful and attractive wife all the attention and all my focus that she deserves, but I also feel I am keeping myself seperated from God. I sometimes wonder if this fits in with the ultimate sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit because I know that it's a sin, but yet I do it and do it knowingly.

Please help. I am lost on how to control this "natural" urge. Any advice you can give, I'm more then willing to take in and try out.

Thank you.

Hurting and Paying,
Robert

[Sulfurdolphin]

 Hi Philippians i know what you are going through i have struggled with that for quite a long time myself. In fact i have been through deliverance and still struggled with it.

I finally pinpointed that only Praise and Worship can help us men that struggle with sexual immorality. Praise and Worship is giving our bodies and our spirit in commune with God also when we do praise and worship it purifies us. The urge will still be there but it will be under control more. Rebecca St. James praise and worship has helped me conquer it since her music deals with purity. We have to learn to starve our sexual immorality which is difficult but it must be done through praise and worship. The more we push through praise and worship the less we want to give into sexual immorality and the more we have time through praise and worship our mindset will be focused on God. Satan may fight you when you are in praise and worship giving you sexual thoughts i know i have experienced that before more than once and all we need to do is to push those thoughts aside best we can and try to keep our focus on God through worshipping Him.

I would encourage you though by listening to Rebecca St. James music she deals alot in her songs with sexual purity and it certainly has helped me. And dont give up on prayer keep praying God has already given us the authority and power over it we have to learn to exercise that power to conquer it.

Michael

[2nd Timothy]

I'd rather post on this when I have more time, but I'd just like to add a few points to what Sulferdolphin said.

Being tempted is not sin!   Remember that.  e.g.  A young girl in a miniskirt stops and bends over in front of you, and you happen to look.....this is not sin, this is temptation.  Its only when you start to toy with the idea of having sex with her in your heart that it becomes sin.   See the difference?   So how do you deal with this temptation?   You hand it over to God right there and then, and move on!!!

Listen...God will always provide an escape from sin for you.  Its your job to take the exit.   Sometimes you will fail, other times you wont.   This is part of your imperfection, that you will deal with until you die.....your sin nature will always wage war in your soul for mastery over you.   But your master (Christ) is stronger, if you allow him to be.

One more point....while the bible does say to resist temptation, it says to FLEE sexual immorality. (especially if physical contact is involved.)   RUN!   This is not a temptation that is easy to resist, especially one that can happen in the heart.   I like what Sulferdolphin says about praise and worship.....remember the song lyrics...."cause our Lord inhabits praise?"   When the temptation arrives, start thinking praises to God....its hard to sin when you are praising His name.

Finally, guilt!  Don't do it.  Guilt is deadly and drives a wedge between us and God.   Guilt is like a bag of bricks that will drag you down.   To deal with guilt, you simply set the bag of bricks down and move on.   God loves you dearly, and is always always always there to offer forgivness when you fail friend.   Guilt will try to sever you relationship with Christ, but there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING that can do that.  Come to God with your guilt and lay it back down at the cross where it belongs.   Unlike man, God is able to forget sins, and He is always there for you, and does not remember your sin.

Grace and Peace!

EDITED SLIGHTLY for clarity....I was a bit rushed when I  wrote this the first time around.

[Tim Vaughan]

Luther said that when birds fly over your head, it is not a sin, it's just when they start making nests in your hair.....

[2nd Timothy]

Wanted to talk about this a bit more.

I come from the group of people in the world that says and thinks that we can't control our eyes or our minds. You know the people, "it's ok to look as long as I don't touch," or the, "I can look at the menu as long as I always come home for dinner." Well, I'm sick of looking at someone else's menu when all I want is to eat at my own resteraunt. Not sure if that's an appropriate thought, but I mean it in the purest sense.

I think when you start viewing woman as created beings with eternal souls, rather than perhaps foxy babes to use slang, your view of woman will start to change.   When Christ looked at people, He was concerned about the well being of their spirituality.   When you focus on this with woman passing by, you will start to see them differently.  Do they know the Lord?  Are they lost?  Placing focus on the spirit draws your attention away from the flesh.   This is not something that happens overnight either....as your walk with the Lord grows this will begin to get stronger and stronger.

With this sexual immorality sin looming over my head, not only am I not giving my beautiful and attractive wife all the attention and all my focus that she deserves, but I also feel I am keeping myself seperated from God. I sometimes wonder if this fits in with the ultimate sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit because I know that it's a sin, but yet I do it and do it knowingly.

I really sense your frustration with this Robert.   Small steps brother....small steps.   The Christian walk is a lifetime commitment.   A regeneration and growth that is never ending.   Let me remind you that as a child of God, you are no longer condemned by sin because you are in Christ now.    God is not waiting for you to step out of line so he can yank the rug of salvation from under your feet.  Thats not what His grace is all about.  Sure, you are going to struggle with sin as long as you live in this current body, but not to your undoing.   Gods grace is larger than any of your sin.  Be patient buddy...Gods not going to foresake you over this.   He is in the business of Love and forgivness, and spiritual healing.   I assure you, as you grow stronger in the Lord, these things will begin to change in your life.  

Please help. I am lost on how to control this "natural" urge. Any advice you can give, I'm more then willing to take in and try out.

Women are indeed beautiful. God made them that way, and thankfully so!     And as a man, you are going to notice that...God made you that way!   I think the best advice is to start viewing them as eternal beings that are going to spend eternity somewhere.   Keep your focus on the spiritual side of it, and the fleshy views will start to diminish.  In the mean time, don't beat yourself up over this Robert.   God already took the beatings for your sins and PAID IN FULL your sin debts!    

Take some time and read over Romans chapter 7 and 8.   Paul talks about his frustration with sin, how we are no longer condemned by it.

I got you in my prayers bud.   God will see you through this!

Grace and Peace!  

[Tim Vaughan]

The Puritans spoke of a "besetting sin" that you will perhaps deal with your whole life. I think most of us have one or two. Most of us can't do much about them, but grace makes us holy.

[Philippians 4:13]

Wow, that's a lot of info. But it's info I'm finding really helpful. Especially the part about looking at women as spiritual beings instead of foxy babes. I think as I go to the mall, or somewhere public like wal-mart or whatnot, this is something that will help me greatly in this fight.

Also, the part about God is not waiting for you to step out of line so he can yank the rug of salvation from under your feet is really helpful because I think a lot of my problem is that I'm worried that just that will happen. I need to remember that God is not like the world of which I'm so used to and comfortable in.

And I'm definitely going to read Romans chapter 7 and 8. Thanx for all the good info. God Bless you brother.


And Tim, knowing that I'm not the only one that has a "hook" sin, a sin I know I'll fight with for a long time really helps. I guess it's nice to know that even Chrsitians who have been following God's word for a long time still struggle with certain sin.

Thanx you guys.

I have been reading my bible and one verse also has helped me. (Ecc. 9:4) "But for him who is joined to all the living there is hope, for a living dog is better then a dead lion."

This scripture lets me know that as long as I keep praying, going to church, reading God's Word and being true to who I want to be in Christ and what He wants me to be in Him, then I have hope. God Bless...

[macramepoet]

Someone with a lot more time on their hands than I have did a survey which said that nearly 95% of church going men have some sort of sexual problem. This in no way justifies our actions. I merely mean to say that you're not alone. This is something that I, too, struggle with. I cling to a passage from First John, chapter 1...
1 John 1
8   If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9   If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10   If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
There is great comfort in knowing that God knows that we're flawed and fallible. Whil this wonderful passage does not excuse our sins it does offer sweet assurrance that He will forgive if we confess, and if we put our hearts into it confession will eventually breed true repentance and repentance will eventually bring about deliverance.
I would suggest reading Edwin Louis Cole's book "Maximized Manhood." The subject of sexual immorality is addressed clearly.

[tb]

I would think most of us who have come from the world into the light still strugle with impurity but as we study and spend time with others in the word we will find help in our Lord and you find in 1st Timothy 5:1 Do not rebuke an older man sharply, but appeal to him as you would a father; treat other younger men as brothers, Older women like mothers and yonger women as sisters with absolute purity.... If you ask The Lord to change your Heart and mind and you start to think of others as family you will start to look at others in a different light also read proverbs 5 you will see what the Lord asks of us it takes time but as others have told you our sins are forgiven we then must do as those who are in the light.

[nChrist]

AMEN BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

I especially like the beautiful portion of Scripture that Macramepoet quoted:

8  If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10  If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

There are no perfect Christians, and there are no Christians without sin. We do have a Lord and Saviour who will forgive us, lift us up, and give us Grace to try again. He knows that we are weak and human, and He knows that we will stumble. It hurts HIM when we sin, but that does not mean that He removes our Salvation or stops loving us. He loves to hear our prayers, and He loves to hear us pray for forgiveness. HIS GRACE, LOVE, AND FORGIVENESS is GREAT, more than sufficient for all of us.

Christians must struggle with sin and  temptation every day. We are to live a testimony that is pleasing to HIM. With each day of struggle and prayer, He gives us more Grace and Love for the struggle. He hasn't removed us from the presence of sin yet, but HE will one day. HE hasn't perfected us or given us a glorified body during this short life on earth, but HE will one day. We are to fight a good fight and run a good race during this short life. Our daily fellowship with HIM should obviously include prayer for forgiveness, Grace for the fight, strength for the fight, and guidance for the fight. The more we pray and yield, the stronger HE will make us. The same is true for our increasing joy in HIM.

Love In Christ,
Tom

[Symphony]

nearly 95% of church going men have some sort of sexual problem.


Das why I'm glad I'm just your average wabbit...



....kind, considerate, patient, longsuffering...

you know, just your average likable feller...


     


       

[nChrist]

     ROFL - Thanks Symphony - I needed that laugh.

[Symphony]

 
 


  'welcome, bep...    

[nChrist]

Brothers and Sisters,

I hope that you understand why I have to lock this thread. I just deleted two posts that were well-intentioned but too sexually oriented for a family forum, including children.

Thanks in advance for your understanding.

Love In Christ,
Tom