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Author Topic: abusive relationship  (Read 2285 times)
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« on: September 05, 2004, 11:12:59 PM »

hey is anybody here right now? i have been in an abusive marraige for 1 year and 4 months. i have left a few times begging him to get help. he hasn't and the last straw is when he started throwing me aruond while our 4 year old neice was there. that was the last straw. my father who is a minister told me i had to go back and my mom said i didnt. i am not planning on going back i told him to get help and he said i needed the help not him, he is not a believer and i know that he can leave me and that doesnt put the sin on myself. but i gave him the ultimatium. and said i wasnt coming back. he told me to the papers and i said no. i wasnt divorcing him, i just wasnt coming back to an unsafe environment. he said he would get them if i paid half. i DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK i want to move on with my life. if i stay there and forgive i may not have a life to do anything with. how can a loving God want someone to stay in a situation that gets worse everyday?
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« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2004, 03:00:28 PM »

Hello  emp821  Smiley
I replied to you in the other section (Marriage Relationships), but then noticed you posted here.  
I agree with your Mom that you shouldn't subject yourself to either the threat of physical abuse and I can understand about feeling like you are in danger.  Since your Dad is a minister, I'm sure he is conflicted about giving you advice.  However, the Lord does not expect you to put yourself in harms way.  I truly hope you have some other safe place to go in this volitile situation.  Here is what I posted in the other section.  Good luck and God bless!
It's been a very long time since I signed in on this forum, but something prompted me to check in again and I read this thread.  I don't know how life is going for sdp7280 (the thread starter), but as for your question emp821, I will say this.  Our bodies belong to the Lord and it is His temple.  If you have a physically abusive spouse, the Lord Jesus doesn't expect you to live with such a man.  He does not respect or honor the fact that the Lord owns our bodies.  Our bodies are for us to use while we are here on this earth.  We are not to abuse them, and most defintely a person who took a vow to honor and protect us should not abuse us.  I know perfectly well that my response will not help you in the real sense or solve your current situation, but that is the way I understand the Bibical teaching of such an issue.  I pray that your situation will change for the better.  Sometimes we don't understand hardships at the time, but later it becomes clear that it was for a reason.  I was married to an abusive man in every sense of the word for almost 6 yrs.  I know that even though I never had a clear understanding of why I entered into that marriage that the Lord had a plan and that I learned something from that experience.  It was painful, but necessary.  I have been married to a good man for 26 yrs.  Right now my husband is going through a spiritual "draught" and I have been impatient for the situation to clear up.  However, you and I must remember that God's time is very different from the way we count time.  I have been given peace in my heart that this is something I must also endure and if I remain faithful to God and His Son, Jesus Christ - I will be content and at peace with my life.  I hope this has helped somewhat, but pray you have other believers in your life who can be of assistance.
Yours in Christ

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« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2004, 04:02:51 PM »

thank you for your replies. i have been staying with a friend, and am trying to get a job and move to a long term stay place until my friend moves to her new place. it is too hard to stay here without the room needed, but it is so hard, to do. my dad is just on my last nerve, he wont leave me alone and i dont want to be rude, but basically i want him to leave me alone, he wants to counsel us but he thinks this is my fault. i dont want to counsel with him, because my husband neither believes in God nor thinks that this is his fault. he said i caused him to do it. when i move probably on 9/20 i will not be telling anyone where i am because i want to be left alone. i love my father dearly but ididnt ask for his help and he wont leave it alone until he has his way. what should i do?
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« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2004, 06:05:09 PM »

Hello again,
I'm afraid you need someone in the flesh to help you with something as serious as what you have described.  It sounds like you want to honor your father, but maybe he hasn't given you a chance to hear you out.  I don't want to give you the impression that you can get sound help over the Internet....it's just not possible.  You sound very young and I don't need to know your age, however, if there is someone who could be a moderator in this case, it would really help.  Someone who is totally impartial and would listen to both your side and your husband's side.  However, if he is unwilling to go to counseling, then maybe you should consider going alone.  And let me warn you to make sure you go to a believing counselor.  If you went to a counselor who doesn't honor God or follow His Word, you could be worse off than you are now.  If you have been doing everything in your power to make this relationship work for 1 1/2 yrs and your husband refuses to even talk about the problems, then it is really up to you to get the counseling for yourself.  If finances are a major issue, perhaps you could see another minister of your choosing who doesn't charge for his professional advice.  Make sure you don't make any drastic decisions without praying about them and thinking seriously of the consequences.  Don't be too hard on your Dad as it is very hard for loved ones to totally understand the situation.  As for your living arrangements, try and make peace with your father and be as respectful as you can when talking about your marriage relationship.  Don't jump around from place to place living here and there, because this in itself is very stressful, and it can cause you to lose good friends.  Keep your faith strong by reading out of God's Word and don't neglect your prayer life.  God bless and I'll be praying for you.
Yours in Christ

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« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2004, 06:15:23 PM »

Your father wants you to return to live with a man who has physically abused you?   I`d suggest your father needs couselling more than you do.  There is not a reason on earth that would excuse a man of abusing a woman, and not a reason on earth on in heaven why you should remain with one that has and most likely will continue to without repenting. Excuses dont indicate repentance. Anyone who tells you thats Gods will has little knowledge of who God even is.
God bless.

“Christianity isn't all that complicated … it's Jesus.”   — Joni Eareckson Tada

There is no force on earth as powerful as one human soul set ablaze with the Spirit of God -  Shylynne
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« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2004, 07:02:44 PM »

Well...first and foremost..this is a issue that means so much to me.  I sent you a private msg. Please read it.

I will begin my life story here.  Please take the time to read it.

I was raised in a wonderful Godly home.  My parents loved me. I was going somewhere in my life. Then I fell in love. God put every single obsticle in my way to deter me. I didnt listen. I eloped with him.  I wont put everything that happend the 11 years that followed. I will tell him that in the 10th year my unborn child died as a result due to the abuse.  

I was scared to leave him.. Very scared.  But..I knew that was the only way out.  Very few men and women change that abuses victims. Those that do need hours and hours of anger managment. One of my best friends was shot when she tried to be friends with her  abusive ex husband.

Now.. my 2nd marriage.. was abusive. God turned him around.  Hes now a wonderful man of God

1. God Tells us to love each other as he loved the Church.
God came in love, not anger.

2. hitting someone..throwing someone around etc is not a demonstration of that love.

My best advice.  in the blue pages of the phone book there is a domestic abuse hotline.  They will help you get out. They wil tell you what you need to do. follow thier directions to a T.

God is good.
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