DISCUSSION FORUMS
MAIN MENU
Home
Help
Advanced Search
Recent Posts
Site Statistics
Who's Online
Forum Rules
Bible Resources
• Bible Study Aids
• Bible Devotionals
• Audio Sermons
Community
• ChristiansUnite Blogs
• Christian Forums
• Facebook Apps
Web Search
• Christian Family Sites
• Top Christian Sites
• Christian RSS Feeds
Family Life
• Christian Finance
• ChristiansUnite KIDS
Shop
• Christian Magazines
• Christian Book Store
Read
• Christian News
• Christian Columns
• Christian Song Lyrics
• Christian Mailing Lists
Connect
• Christian Singles
• Christian Classifieds
Graphics
• Free Christian Clipart
• Christian Wallpaper
Fun Stuff
• Clean Christian Jokes
• Bible Trivia Quiz
• Online Video Games
• Bible Crosswords
Webmasters
• Christian Guestbooks
• Banner Exchange
• Dynamic Content

Subscribe to our Free Newsletter.
Enter your email address:

ChristiansUnite
Forums
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 18, 2017, 07:45:56 AM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you.
278002 Posts in 26524 Topics by 3790 Members
Latest Member: Goodwin
* Home Help Search Login Register
+  ChristiansUnite Forums
|-+  Entertainment
| |-+  Computer Hardware and Software (Moderator: admin)
| | |-+  Abbot and Costello in the computer store...
« previous next »
Pages: [1] Go Down Print
Author Topic: Abbot and Costello in the computer store...  (Read 2934 times)
Forrest
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 537



View Profile
« on: June 10, 2004, 02:53:57 PM »

   A: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
C: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

A: Mac?
C: No, the names Lou.

A: Your computer?
C: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

A: Mac?
C: I told you, my names Lou.

A: What about Windows?
C: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

A: Do you want a computer with Windows?
C: I don't know. What will I see when I look in
the windows?

A: Wallpaper.
C: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

A: Software for Windows?
C: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

A: Office.
C: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

A: I just did.
C: You just did what?

A: Recommend something.
C: You recommended something?

A: Yes.
C: For my office?

A: Yes
C: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

A: Office.
C: Yes, for my office!

A: I recommend Office with Windows.
C: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

A: Word.
C: What word?

A: Word in Office.
C: The only word in office is office.

A: The Word in Office for Windows.
C: Which word in office for windows?

A: The Word you get when you click the blue w.
C: I'm going to click your blue w if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

A: Yes, you want RealOne.
C: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

A: RealOne.
C: If it's a long movie, I also want to see reels 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

A: Of course.
C: Great, with what?

A: RealOne.
C: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do Ido?

A: You click the blue 1.
C: I click the blue one what?

A: The blue 1.
C: Is that different from the blue w?

A: The blue 1 is RealOne and the blue w is Word.
C: What word?

A: The Word in Office for Windows.
C: But there's three words in office for windows!

A: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in
the world.
C: It is?

A: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
C: And that word is real one?

A: RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
C: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

A: Money.
C: That's right. What do you have?

A: Money.
C: I need money to track my money?

A: It comes bundled with your computer.
C: What's bundled to my computer?

A: Money.
C: Money comes with my computer?

A: Yes. No extra charge.
C: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

A: One copy.
C: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

A: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
C: They can give you a license to copy money?

A: Why not, they own it.   Tongue
Logged

Your Brother In Christ
          Forrest              
ROM 12:5 So we, [being] many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.
JudgeNot
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1993


Jesus, remember me... Luke 23:42


View Profile WWW
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2004, 11:45:04 PM »

Whose on first?
 Cheesy
Logged

Covering your tracks is futile; God knows where you're going and where you've been.
JPD
Shammu
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 32182


B(asic) I(nstructions) B(efore) L(eaving) E(arth)


View Profile WWW
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2004, 01:37:22 AM »

Whose on first?
 Cheesy
No, "who" is on first. Grin
Logged

nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 60646


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2004, 09:55:43 AM »

 Grin   Grin   Grin  Thanks brother Forrest - I needed that laugh.

Love In Christ,
Tom
Logged

Kristi Ann
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 1027


John 9:1-5 KJV


View Profile WWW
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2004, 11:47:11 PM »

Here's the Real one!



Abbott: Alright, now whaddya want?

Costello: Now look, I'm the head of the sports department. I gotta know the baseball players' names. Do you know the guys' names?

Abbott: Oh sure.

Costello: So you go ahead and tell me some of their names.

Abbott: Well, I'll introduce you to the boys. You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names.

Abbott: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean -

Costello: His brother Daffy -

Abbott: Daffy Dean -

Costello: And their cousin!

Abbott: Who's that?

Costello: Goofy!

Abbott: Goofy, huh? Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: That's what I wanna find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -

Costello: You know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Certainly!

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: I mean the fellow's name!

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The guy on first!

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The first baseman!

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The guy playing first!

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: Now whaddya askin' me for?

Abbott: I'm telling you Who is on first.

Costello: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who!

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: Have you got a contract with the first baseman?

Abbott: Absolutely.

Costello: Who signs the contract?

Abbott: Well, naturally!

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.

Costello: Who is?

Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Who's wife?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.

Costello: Now, how did I get on third base?

Abbott: You mentioned his name!

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No - Who's playing first.

Costello: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.

Abbott: No - What's on second.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?

Abbott: What was it you wanted?

Costello: Now who's playin' third base?

Abbott: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: Why? Who am I putting over there?

Abbott: Yes. But we don't want him there.

Costello: What's the guy's name on third base?

Abbott: What belongs on second.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!

Costello: You got an outfield?

Abbott: Oh yes!

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Costello: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.

Abbott: Who is playing fir-

Costello: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's center field.

Costello: Look, you gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.

Costello: The pitcher's name.

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't wanna tell me today?

Abbott: I'm tellin' you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-

Costello: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello: THIRD BASE!

Costello: You got a catcher?

Abbott: Oh, absolutely.

Costello: The catcher's name.

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.

Abbott: Well, I can't help that.

Costello: Well, I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: I know that.

Costello: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!

Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: Who caught it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's right. There we go.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: You don't!

Costello: I throw it to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!

Abbott: You're not saying it that way.

Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You don't - you throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally!

Abbott: Well, say that!

Costello: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: SAME AS YOU!! I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: Who has it?

Abbott: Naturally!

Costello: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What was that?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
Logged

nChrist
Global Moderator
Gold Member
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 60646


May God Lead And Guide Us All


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2004, 01:19:46 AM »

MsGuidedAngel,

 Grin   Grin  Thanks sister! Yes, I remember that classic. It's causes a reflection that some of the funniest things ever done were completely clean and safe for children to hear.

Love In Christ,
Tom
Logged

Pages: [1] Go Up Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  



More From ChristiansUnite...    About Us | Privacy Policy | | ChristiansUnite.com Site Map | Statement of Beliefs



Copyright © 1999-2016 ChristiansUnite.com. All rights reserved.
Please send your questions, comments, or bug reports to the

Powered by SMF 1.1 RC2 | SMF © 2001-2005, Lewis Media