I came across this article written by Mary Elder-Criss, and it brought to memory a time when my own unfulfilled expectations of what I felt God should do for me, did cause me to turn away from Him, perhaps someone else is in a place where this message will remind you to trust the One Who Is, and is a rewarder of those who will place their faith in Him...
He Is, I'm Not I recently saw a Christian witness shirt that made me chuckle. In bold letters at the top, it proclaimed "THERE IS A GOD" and underneath it in smaller type, it said, "and You're not Him."
I want to buy that shirt for myself. Sometimes I think that God's purpose in choosing the name "I AM" to give to Moses, when Moses asked Him who he should say sent him, was simply to remind us of that very fact. I AM God... you are not.
Many times we have unfulfilled expectations. Just recently I lived through a disappointment that had me reeling in shock, because God didn't move like I expected Him to. My feeling at that moment, when He denied my prayer?
Crushing disappointment. Shock. A weight that settled on my chest, so that I couldn't seem to breathe. Amazement. I was actually speechless.
I was heading out the door to do some errands when the news came, so it didn't register that what I had expected from God was unapproved. On the way home, it hit me. I suddenly realized that God had refused to answer my prayer in the way I had been so sure He would. My mindset? He had let me down. Then I got angry. Not just a little upset, mind you... I'm talking anger. Real, honest to goodness, balling up my fist and waving it at God... in His face anger. I cried, I screamed, I raged, I yelled. I asked Him "WHY?
? Why did You allow this to happen, God? Why wouldn't You let me have this God? Why do I continue to serve You, God, when all my Christian walk seems to encompass is one MAJOR disappointment after another??"
Oh I was full of it, alright. Full of anger, full of pain, full of disappointment, discouragement, hurt... but mostly, I was full of self.
Despair and discouragement turns our eyes inward, so that our focus is no longer on Christ, but on ourself. My unfulfilled expectations of what I felt God should do for me, almost caused me to turn away from Him.
"What I felt God should do for me..."
As if He hadn't already done enough, by dying on the cross. I was wallowing in self pity and misery, and I just could not find any reason to continue having faith. And then? Then He spoke. He penetrated the wall of anger, the discouragement, the disappointment, the pain, the wall of SELF, and He spoke, and I listened.
He said, "I AM God, and YOU are not." He reminded me that He is still in control. That He sees the whole picture, that life's disappointments and setbacks and mishaps, and tragedies are not enough of a reason to quit. For HE IS, HE ALWAYS HAS BEEN, and HE ALWAYS WILL BE. Just because my ideas, my expectations, and His do not line up, is not a reason to bail out. It's not a reason to give up hope, and it's not a reason to give up on Him.
I am not the first person to suffer disappointment or weep. Thankfully, I serve an infinite God, and One who is much wiser than me. He met me at my point of pain, and instead of giving up on ME, He reminded me of His infinite Love and His infinite plan. He reminded me: He is God, and I am not.
