Hi and thanks for the responses.
It doesn't just happen before school. But when issues like which shoes or such come up in the morning....there is a problem. I know my friend is actually going to counselling for her anger problem. Her daughter seems to be mimicing the same issues as her mother.
I think my friend just has run out of options and doesn't seem to know what to do next discipline wise.
I believe she's done the time out...taking away priveleges, rewarding good behaviour....showing a united front.
I will mention to her about gettting enough sleep and getting up early enough so your not rushing around.
I don't know. My kids just seem to have this inate FEAR of me and my consequences. But I'd hate to tell her to instill fear into her daughter.
Though that is one of the first things I did in becoming a Christian. Feared God.
I have heard of some rather unusual ways to deal with temper issues. Such as throwing a glass of water in they're face. (haven't tried that one)...though it worked for another friend and her three year old.
Thanks for your time and input.
God Bless,
LMarsh
LMarsh,
I kind of gathered there may have been some anger issues from the first post. Very good that your friend is seeking counselling for this. I am no expert, but I am willing to say this is probably the crux of the problem. Discipline must be done in Love.
Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
These things must be done in Love and in a nurturing way. Washing the mouth out with soap, or throwing water in their face IMO falls into the category of provoking wrath, and seems to be coming from frustration and anger rather than Love. I don't wish to sound harsh, but thats just my take on it. And believe me, I understand how easy it is to get angry at my children. Many times, I will put off discipline till I can do it when I am not angry. This may sound funny, but I have even taken a walk around the house a time or two on a few instances just to get my composure first
When you can discipline in Love, children will understand that their actions or bad choices brought it upon themselves. When you do it in anger children will see it as YOUR anger that is brining it about and retaliate in kind. I think that is what is happening here.
One more thing. Like I said before, theres no magic button or method that is fullproof. The key is consistancy. Timeouts and taking away privaledges do work wonders, if done on a consistant basis (in love!). Don't give up if it doesn't work after a time or two. She needs to be consistant with the line that is drawn in the sand. This is the only way that her daughter will begin to understand what is right and wrong. If the line is constantly moving and changing, and the consequences are unknown then she is going to push and push and push trying to find where the line is. I'm sure these things will come up in counselling. Does the counselling involve chid rearing, or just anger managment? If not I would highly encourag her and her husband to see a christian counseller to help with these issues. Sometimes in the heat of things its hard to be a parent and we could all use a little help from a spirit filled leader such as a pastor or counseller. This way they can get into all the details going on with both the parents and the child, and offer good advise from a Godly perspective.
I'll be keeping your friend and her daughter in prayer.
Grace and Peace!
