Christian Family Advice by James Smith, 1860

[nChrist]

The Father's Joy
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "My son, if your heart is wise — then my heart will be glad!" Proverbs 23:15

        A godly parent cannot but feel the deepest interest in the present and everlasting welfare of his child; his solicitude is often painful, and his fears distressing. Nothing pains such a one, like seeing his beloved child indifferent to spiritual things; and choosing the vanities of time, in preference to the Lord Jesus and His salvation. No one but a parent can at all enter into a parent's feelings on this point; and only those parents who live up to their profession, and constantly realize the importance of truth, and the solemnities of eternity — know the deep concern that is felt by such. The desire of such a parent are here beautifully and touchingly set forth.

        "My son, if your heart is wise." It is not the wisdom of this world which is intended — but that wisdom which comes down from above, and which, "is pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." This wisdom is discovered by its possessor:

        1. in avoiding . . .
        evil company,
        forbidden paths,
        pernicious principles,
        and sinful pleasures;

        2. by choosing the company of the wise, the holy, and the humble;

        3. by pursuing those things which God requires, the Scripture commands, and the saints of God approve;

        4. by imbibing principles which are pure and scriptural, true and peaceable, and free from all extravagance;

        5. by seeking and enjoying those pleasures which come from God and lead to God.

        If the heart is really wise — then it is wise unto salvation; and this wisdom gives a dignity and a savor to the conversation and life.

        If the heart is wise — then the life will be holy, and the end safe and honorable.

        Well may the parent say, "My son, if your heart is wise — then my heart will be glad!" Oh, with what joy does the parent witness the indications of concern for the salvation of the soul. With what pleasure does he see his beloved child retire for private prayer, and observe him reading the Word of God with attention and concern! What pleasure does it impart to see the tear of penitence sparkle in the eye, more lovely than the dew-drops of the morning; or, to hear the inquiry, "What must I do to be saved?" Nothing can impart such pure and solid satisfaction as this!

        My young friends, your parents, if godly, are full of solicitude for your spiritual welfare; for you they agonize in prayer, and travail in birth again — until Christ is formed in you. Consider, I beseech you, your solemn responsibility!

        Do not grieve your parents, by turning to folly!

        Do not insult God, by rejecting His council!

        Do not disappoint your minister, by despising your own soul!

        Do not ruin your eternal soul, by persevering in sin!

        But gladden your beloved parents, honor your Creator and your God, rejoice the heart of your minister, and secure your own happiness and honor — by seeking the Lord while He may be found, and obtaining the salvation which is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.

        Youth is the seed-time of life; what is sown now — will spring up and ripen, and by-and-by will come the harvest. If you sow to the flesh by gratifying its lusts and passions — then you will reap sorrow, misery, and woe! But if you sow to the Spirit, by seeking the present and everlasting salvation of your soul — then you will reap everlasting life. God bids you remember Him, seek Him, and love Him; and promises to be found by you, bless you, and manifest Himself unto you.

        God speaks to you as a Father: He says, "My son, if your heart is wise — then my heart will be glad!" There is joy in Heaven over a repenting sinner:
        The Father rejoices, in an object of His love;
        the Son rejoices, in the result of His agonies and death;
        the Holy Spirit rejoices, in the soul He has renewed;
        the spirits of the just rejoice, in the addition of another to their number;
        the holy angels rejoice, in the triumphs of their God and Lord.

        There is joy on earth also:
        parents rejoice, with joy which none but parents know;
        ministers rejoice, and are encouraged in their work;
        saints rejoice, and see an answer to their prayers;
        and the penitent rejoices with unspeakable joy!

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

[nChrist]

The Child's Guide
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." Colossians 3:20

        We may grow up to be adults; but while our parents live — we cannot cease to be children. And our love to, respect for, and concern to please our parents — should continue as long as the Lord spares them. Our parents have a right to command us — as long as we are dependant upon them. And we are bound to obey — not only because they have authority founded in nature — but because God commands us in the word of His grace. The parent's will is the child's rule! Unless the parent requires anything plainly opposed to the will of God — no child can be justified in despising, or grieving, or disobeying a parent; even though that parent is poor, illiterate, and unattractive in appearance. For we are not commanded to obey our parents if they are rich, or if they are learned, or if they are highly respected — but because they are our parents. And we should bear in mind, that they did not become our parents by chance; but by the appointment of God; and the God who appointed the relationship, says to us, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise, that it may he well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3.)

        Parents are to be honored by their children, and unless they are steeped in vice and dyed in open sin — they are to be honored by us everywhere. A father should always be treated with reverence and respect, and a mother with attention and love. If they are in need, their children should consider it not only a duty — but an honor to assist them. If they are not in need, they should often receive the little token of affectionate remembrance, and the distinguishing mark of special attention. A father's care should be repaid by the child's respect; and a mother's kindness, by the child's affectionate attention.

        The obedience of children to their parents pleases the Lord; but their disobedience grieves and provokes Him. And very commonly it is the case, that Providence so orders it, that our children behave to us — just as we did to our parents; and many a parent will see in the conduct of his children, the antitype of his own — if he is a careful, thoughtful, observer.

        Reader, how did you act toward your parents? Have you felt that your disobedience to them was a sin against God — a sin to be repented of and confessed before God with sorrow? How are you acting to them now? Remember, with whatever measure you mete out — it shall be measured to you again; and this will apply with great force to your behavior to your parents.

        You cannot disobey, or slight, or treat your parents with any degree of disrespect — but God notices and disapproves, and will chastise for it. Christians ought especially to be kind, attentive, and obedient to their parents; and if their parents are still graceless, they should pray earnestly for them, and try by amiableness of manner, sweetness of temper, and particular displays of kindness — to bring them under the gospel. Many a child has smarted after a parent's death for not having used all possible means to secure the salvation of the soul while living; happy is the child who has nothing to regret, whose conscience does not accuse him, who can think of a departed parent without a fear or apprehension of meeting him before the judgment-seat of Christ.

        Children, God bids you to love, respect, and honor your parents! Do so publicly and privately; do so, from love to God and respect to the authority of the Lord Jesus; do now as you may wish you had done when you see your parent on his dying pillow, or when lying there yourself.

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

[nChrist]

The Successful Mother
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire!" Matthew 15:28

        Mothers, here is an example for you to imitate; here is encouragement for you under your trials. Here is a mother who had a daughter possessed by the devil, grievously vexed. The case seemed desperate. The trial was of long standing — all her efforts hitherto had been in vain.

        Her discouragements were many and great — she was a Gentile; she came unbidden; when she came, Jesus would not notice her; when she cried to Him — "He answered her not a word!" Her perseverance offended the disciples, and they said, "Send her away!" When the Savior addressed her, His language appeared unkind, as though He had called her a dog. Her application appeared to be useless, for He said, "I am only sent to the lost sheep of the house of Israel!"

        But she would not be discouraged. She had heard that He had power, and she believed it. She had heard that He was kind — and she believed it. She had heard that He never refused any one who applied to Him — and she believed it. She believed that He could help her — and no one else. She believed He would help her-and therefore she persevered. And as she believed — so it was; when tried — she came forth as gold; and Jesus said unto her, "O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire! And her daughter was made whole from that very hour!"

        Mothers, does not this woman's conduct reprove you? Is there not reason to fear that she will rise up in the judgment and condemn many British mothers? many professing mothers? Will she condemn you? You have children dear to you as hers was; yours also are possessed by Satan, for he is, "the spirit that works in all the children of disobedience;" (Ephesians 2:2,) that is, in all unconverted children. No one can cast out Satan, and make your children the temples of the Holy Spirit — but Jesus — and He daily does so in the instance of others.

        But do you feel for your children, as this mother did? Do you believe the danger they are in, as pointed out in your Bible? Do you believe them to be children of wrath, under the curse of the law, and exposed to all the wrath of the Lord? Do you apply to Jesus as though you believed this? Do you persevere as this woman did? Remember, you have greater encouragement, you know more of Jesus than she did, you are invited by Him — she was not; He bids you to come to Him. Are you burdened with the state of your family, and does your concern for their eternal welfare weary you?

        Mothers, does not your own conduct reprove you? If your child is sick, you send for the doctor, watch it by night and by day, sparing neither time, trouble, toil, nor expense — that it may be restored again to health. But do you act thus in reference to the souls of your children, who are sick and dying with the disease of sin? You have sat up the whole night to watch beside the couch of the sick body; but did you ever devote part of a night for the special purpose of seeking the salvation of the soul? You have suspended all other business to attend to the suffering body; but are you as ready to leave business at times to plead with God for the soul? You consider that you would not be justified, that your conscience would not acquit you, if you had left any likely means untried, to restore bodily health; but have you tried all means with the same care, concern, and promptness, for the salvation of the soul? And if not, how can you be justified, or how can your conscience acquit you? Consider this, consider it seriously, as before God, and the Lord make you consistent mothers!

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

[nChrist]

The Father's Prayer
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "Lord, have mercy on my son!" Matthew 17:15

        Here is a father in trouble — in trouble about his son. The son was a sinner, a sufferer, and in great danger. The father knew the danger of his son, deeply felt for his condition, was daily grieved on his account, and desired his deliverance at any expense.

        This is very much the case with us, in reference to our children, when suffering from bodily distempers; but is it so in reference to their souls? Our children are all sick of a mortal disease; it is rooted in their very nature; they suffer from it now, for every pain and disease is the effect of sin. They are in imminent danger of perishing forever; they hang over Hell by a mere thread — the thread of time. We are not sure that they will not be in Hell in five minutes; death may seize them in a moment, and they cannot be in Heaven, unless they are born from above, and are sanctified by the Holy Spirit; for, "without holiness, no one can see the Lord."

        But do we realize this? Do we feel for their eternal welfare, as we do for their temporal welfare? Or as this man did for his afflicted son? Are we daily grieved to see our children . . .
        the enemies of God,
        the friends of Satan,
        the slaves of sin?

        Such they must be, if not truly converted by grace.

        Are we desiring their deliverance from sin, Satan, the world, and the wrath of God, above everything beside? Do we say so by our conduct? Do our prayers say so? Does our conversation with our children say so? Alas! alas! how few parents feel or act consistently on this subject!

        Here is a father with Jesus. He had heard of the Savior, of His works of mercy, of the power He displayed, and the kindness He showed to all. His trouble, connected with this information, brought him to Jesus. He came for his son; he came without an invitation; he came at a perhaps; a fathers heart impelled him; he fell at the Redeemer's feet, and out of a full heart, with a loud voice, he cried, "Lord, have mercy on my son!"

        Just so, we have heard of Jesus, we know Him, we are invited by Him. But do we come to Him as this man for our children? My brother, have you a son that is unruly, perverse, and wicked? Go to Jesus for him, as this poor man did; go on purpose; go and appeal to His tender heart; go frequently; go in faith, and you shall not go in vain.

        Here is a father at prayer for his son. He kneeled before Jesus; he lifted up a father's eye, and looked into his heart; he lifted up a father's voice, and awakened his tenderest sympathies; he poured forth a father's prayer, and obtained relief.

        See how simple his words: "Lord, have mercy on my son." How earnest his manner; how humble his spirit; how importunate his application — he had applied to others, and even to the disciples in vain; but he would not, he could not rest until he had tried the Lord, and he was successful. He tried His mercy — and the Lord listened to Him; he tried His power — and the Lord healed his son.

        Parents, do not despond; never give over a child as lost; Jesus can heal the most desperate case; He can restore the greatest wanderer, He can melt the most obdurate heart, He can reclaim the foulest transgressor. Only realize the danger of your children, believe the promises made to you in God's blessed book; feel that none but Jesus can effect the change you desire; and apply to Him in faith, determined to take no denial; wrestle, plead, wait, watch, expect, and walk according to your prayers — and you must succeed.

        "The Lord is full of pity and of great mercy." Bring your children with you to Jesus; if you can, get them to kneel by your side and hear you pray for them; but if they will not, go for them; and remember that, "the fervent effectual prayer of a righteous man avails much." Prayer cannot be lost. God stands engaged to hear and answer the prayer of faith; and Jesus, at the right-hand of the Father, is your Advocate and Intercessor, and will sprinkle your prayers with His blood.

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

[nChrist]

The Parent's Duty
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

        The desire for and love to children, are implanted in our nature by our good and great Creator; and children are given to us to be brought up for the Lord. They are His property; He only lends them to us to enjoy, to train, and prepare for future life. Children involve a great responsibility. They are immortal. They are depraved. They are ignorant. They need the most tender, wise, and constant training. Every parent is accountable to God for the manner in which he educates and brings up his children; and that account must be rendered under the most solemn circumstances.

        It is the parent's duty to instruct the child, not only in things natural — but in things spiritual. The great facts of Scripture should be very early placed before the child's mind, by the parents. The child should learn from a mother's lips, that it is immortal; that it is a sinner; that as such it is exposed to the wrath of God; that there is no way to God but by Jesus; that nothing can be accepted by God, but through Him. The person, the work, the character, the offices, and love of Jesus, should especially be pressed on the child's attention. The true character of God, as just and yet merciful, as holy and yet love, as true to his word and yet ready to forgive — should be clearly unfolded to the child's understanding. In a word, the Bible, in its facts, doctrines, promises, prophecies, precepts; and especially the glorious glad tidings of a free salvation for sinners as sinners — should be instilled into the youthful mind. Our children should be made familiar with the Bible, and be impressed with a sense of its value, veracity, and excellence.

        It is the parent's duty to pray for and with the child; especially should mothers do this. There is something in the tone of a mother's voice, in the tenderness of a mother's expressions, in the fervency of a mother's pleading — which cannot be imitated. A father has it not, nor can he acquire it. When a mother takes her child aside into a private room, and having spoken to it of God, of Jesus, of sin, of the need of a new heart — she bids it kneel down by her, she takes its little hands into one of hers, she lays the other on its head, and offers up a mother's prayer — full of pathos, of glowing desire, of holy reverence — she does that which the child cannot forget. The tones of her voice, the earnestness of her pleading, the gentle pressure of the hand, will never be forgotten while memory holds her place.

        It is the parent's duty to set a proper example before children; knowing that what is seen — makes more impression than what is merely heard. Parents should never tell, or act a lie before their children. They should never trifle with Divine things, or expose the faults of God's people, or speak slightly of the Lord's ministers before their children: but should set the Lord always before their face, and be always aiming at the immediate conversion of every one of their offspring.

        They should not only avoid setting a wrong example before them — but also endeavor to keep them as much as they prudently can from others who would do so; remembering the words of the wise man, "He who walks with wise men — shall be wise; but the companion of fools — shall be destroyed."

        Once more: parents should early lead their children to the house of God, pointing out to them that God requires the worship of the heart, the service of the entire person; and that God is present in an especial manner when His people meet.

        How important it must be then for parents to be real Christians, not only for their own account — but for their children's sake. Parents, your situation is most solemn and responsible; remember, very much of your own conduct depends upon how you bring up your children! Remember also, that others will be benefited or injured by your children. And above all, remember that you must meet every one of your children at the judgment-seat of Christ; and how dreadful it would be, if your child should there witness that you were accessory to its damnation!

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

[nChrist]

The Wife's Duty
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

        The comfort of home very much depends on the wife, and the happiness of the husband is greatly in her power. The wife has often ruined the husband, or rendered the marriage-tie a subject of deep regret. An ungovernable temper, a proud spirit, a wish to conform to all the fashions of the present world — has rendered many a Christian's home really miserable!

        Submission is difficult — where pride rules in the spirit! Yes, it is impossible! And yet, without submission on the part of the wife, happiness will never be the portion of the husband. Submission is the wife's duty: the Holy Spirit says, "As the church is subject unto Christ — so let the wives be unto their own husbands in everything." A submissive disposition, and a meek quiet spirit — are two of the most beautiful ornaments a wife can wear.

        Every Christian woman should look upon her husband as the representative of Christ in the family, and submit to him as such. Her submission should extend to everything which does not run counter to the commands of God. The less a wife desires to have her own will — the better for her own comfort.

        In consequence of sin, the Lord said, "Your desire shall be to your husband — and he shall rule over you." And this declaration of God stands in full force at the present day, "The husband is the head of the wife — even as Christ is the head of the church." In these different epistles, has the Holy Spirit spoken to wives, and commanded them to submit to their husbands; this may imply that the duty is difficult — but it testifies that the duty is imperative.

        The wife should love her own husband — as the church loves Christ; and strive by every possible means to make him happy and honorable. She should strive to make his home the most comfortable, never meeting him at his return with a frown, or hailing him with a cross word; but her countenance should be lighted up with love, and on her lips should be the law of kindness. A woman's love, judiciously manifested — is almost invincible! But an evil temper indulged by a wife — is most repulsive! Nothing weakens a husband's love, or raises a husband's temper, like cross words or unpleasant looks from his wife. They never ought to be; but if they have been, they should be confessed with sorrow, and conquered with care.

        The wife should bear in mind, that her husband is a Christian; that Jesus tenderly loves him; that He has made him His representative; that He requires her to submit to him in His name, and for His sake: and that He looks upon her disobedience — as directed against His authority; and her unkindness to her husband — as grieving His love.

        My sister, it is your duty to learn subjection, for the Lord's sake, to imbibe and manifest a meek, lowly, and submissive spirit; a spirit that will yield everything for conscience' sake, unless in so doing you would sin against God.

        Oh, if wives were willing to submit, if they only consulted the happiness of their husbands, if they made the precepts of the gospel their rule — what happy homes, what happy husbands they would have!

        "Let the wife see that she respect her husband." But is this the case, even with godly wives? Can it be neglected, and the Spirit who commanded — not be grieved? Can the Spirit be daily grieved, by conduct the very opposite of His command — and the Christian be happy? It is impossible! See then one cause why so many wives are in such an unhappy and uncomfortable a state!

        Chaste conversation should be coupled with fear — a fear to grieve, wound, or distress a husband's mind. Sarah, who obeyed and reverenced Abraham, should be the wife's daily pattern. No wife can be happy, no wife can be ornamental, no wife can have the testimony of a good conscience — unless she observes the precept, "Wives submit yourselves unto your husbands — as unto the Lord."

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.

[nChrist]

The Husband's Duty
From Timeless Grace Gems
James Smith

        "Husbands, love your wives — even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it." Ephesians 5:25

        This language is especially addressed to Christians; the Holy Spirit speaks on the wife's behalf. The husband and his wife are one. The union is most intimate and important, and it is for life. It should therefore be formed with much prayer, prudence, and reflection. And being formed, each party should strive to make it a means of blessing to the other, by closely attending to the precepts of Holy Scripture. No godly man should, under any pretense, marry an unsaved woman; for it is impossible to obey the precepts of the gospel, under such circumstances.

        The husband is to love his wife, not merely for her beauty, her amiable temper, or her attention to him; but he is to love her for Christ's sake, as a part of His mystical body, as dear to His heart, and appointed to reign with Him in glory.

        The husband will never love his wife as he should, unless he views her in Christ, considers her as one with Christ, and remembers that Jesus takes unkindness shown to her — as shown to himself. The wife must be loved not only for her own sake, not merely as a woman; but for the sake of Christ, who redeemed her by His blood, who loves her with an infinite love, and who is jealous of any slight shown or unkindness manifested to her.

        Every husband who professes to be a Christian, should view his wife as in Christ; and remember that Jesus says — speaking of His saints, "He who touches you, touches the apple of His eye." Acting thus, he would be better able to bear with her infirmities and imperfections; and would be led to plead for her more earnestly with her God. Viewing her as Christ's, and also as his own flesh, he would always have a garment at hand to cast over her faults, and his love would cover the multitude of sins. A perfect wife is not to be expected.

        The husband should be the representative of Christ to his wife, loving her as Christ loves His church. Oh, what tenderness, what gentleness, what kindness, what sympathy, what condescension should be shown! If Jesus is to be the husband's pattern, if the husband endeavors to imitate Him — then how happy will the wife be made — how comfortable will the house become — how honorable will the marriage state appear!

        Jesus so loved the church as to give Himself for her, even when she was most unlovely; and He so loves her as to give her all He has, even His glory. He never takes His eye off of her. He bears with her, pleads with His Father for her, sympathizes with her in every affliction, and will not allow anything to alienate His affections from her. There is not a sigh which escapes her — but it touches His heart; nor is a pain which is felt by her — but it enters His bosom.

        Husbands, see your pattern. Look at the meekness, gentleness, forbearance, and tender love of Jesus, and see how you ought to act toward your dear wife. Look at your wife, and look at His Church, and ask: Is it possible for your wife to be as fickle, as false, as provoking, as ungrateful — as His church? See what He bears with, forgives, and forgets in His people — and then ask: What have you to bear with and forgive? Look at what Jesus is to His bride, and what you are to yours, and then answer.

        Do you imitate His example? Oh, what happy homes would the houses of Christians be, if every husband loved his wife — as Jesus loves His church; if every husband cared for his wife — as Jesus cares for His church; if every husband consulted the honor and happiness of his wife — as Jesus consults the honor and happiness of His Church.

        My brother, the Holy Spirit says, you ought to love your wife as your own body, as your own self; yes, as Christ loved the church, who gave Himself for it. Your love should be tender, constant, uniform, and as manifest as the love of Jesus is. Let there be no bitterness, or contempt, or treating the wife as an inferior; but give honor unto her as the weaker vessel. Love her in Jesus; love her as Jesus bids you; love her and be happy!

PUBLIC DOMAIN - Permission is not required to reproduce this material. Feel free to forward this on to your friends.