Welcome to Christians Unite. You're way too young to be a widow, but life too often gives us a raw deal. Like you, I've also allowed life and things to get in the way of my fellowship with my Saviour. Yes, it is uphill battle.
I have to agree with you on being too young. I believe there was a purpose that my husband was taken from me and I live every day without really knowing if he truly made his heart right with God. Being sedated, on a ventilator and not able to communicate other then nodding his head. He indicated that he was ready to make his heart right. Even though we didn't speak of it, I did notice a difference in the way he talked. I don't think I heard a curse word come out of his mouth. I just don't know and live with that everyday not knowing where he is at right now. Heaven or hell.